Why do I have lots of things

“You’re a tiny person and yet you have lots of things”

That’s the message my future cousin-in-law send me when I started sending my stuff to their place temporarily until I get another job and an apartment of my own. I’m getting shy already sending my stuff and I’m not done yet. Auntie keeps on poking me already with my things especially my clothes because it’s a lot. According to them, it’s more than whatever they have in combined.

Well, I have an explanation as to why over the years I accumulated lots of stuff. But take note, I’m shifting a whole house and not just a room into one room that I have to share even. I believe, anyone will make their room or in my case, a house into a home, something that they can say it’s their home or personal space even if it is just a temporary space for months or years. It’s innate to us to make the space our personal space. When you do this, you buy things or collect things to make it homey and a functional home. Even if you are alone, it’s still a house that you are making a home. And that is my case.

My apartment was provided by the company. Pieces of furniture and appliances were provided. They also included a set of dinnerware, spoons & forks, rice cooker, microwave, gas stove, pressure cooker, kettle, pot & pan, colander, knives, chopping board and ladle. That’s all! And so, through the years, I accumulated additional stuff to make my home more functional especially in the kitchen since I do the cooking and baking. I bought a local wok, frying pans one big and one small, wooden ladle for the nonstick pans, peeler, additional colander and mixing bowls, baking pans and molds, wine glasses, tea cups, whisk, food storage boxes and tiffin boxes (I love tiffin boxes) and other things. I also received a food processor and an electric oven. Through the years, I saved glass bottles and ice cream boxes to use as containers and food storage boxes. That’s how my kitchen stuff grew.



My house was bare and plain, the company provided a hideous curtains and bed sheets. So, I started buying bed sheets, I had 5 sets but gave the other 2 sets to my maid. The bed sheets sold here are flat sheet and 2 pillowcases, so I brought my old abel blanket from manila with me. And, bought new curtains also, I have 3 sets. And, I have a bolster and my stuffed toys Happy Gilmore (bear), Wallygator (alligator), Kiwi (koala), sputnik (turtle), Minnie mouse and Po. I also have cushion covers because my sofa set is plain and boring. I started buying house decorations locally and some from my trips in Cambodia, Kolkata, hongkong and mostly from Philippines. And, since Christmas is not a big thing here, I brought my Christmas decorations from manila. The walls are bare so I decided to hang pictures of my family, I bought frames and had my favorite pictures printed. And so that’s how I accumulated more stuff – the goal of making my house a home.



I also brought with me my arts supplies and materials, my photo album and scrapbooking materials, and that’s a lot of things already. I brought them with me because I intend to spend my free time doing scrapbooking. But of course, my planned life changes after meeting H, so the scrapbooking was halted and most of my time was spend cooking or baking or netsurfing or spending time with H. And, I bought books to read also – photography, fiction, arts, Bangla lessons. And so, my book collection grew.

And the best of all the best: clothes and shoes and accessories. That’s like a million dollar question to them why do I have at least 4 luggages of clothes when auntie has salwarkamizes and sarees that can be counted with her fingers and toes only. She keeps on poking me to give away my clothes. Something that I don’t have the heart to do so. I already discarded some of my clothes, the old ones that are 4 years old already and the others that H doesn’t like on me. Still, I have more clothes than theirs combined. My salwarkamizes and sarees alone are one luggage, but they don’t want me to give them away since most of it is their gifts to me. So, how about my western clothes? I really don’t want to give them all away because 1) good western clothes are not available here. I bought all my clothes from manila every time I go home, and in 4 ½ years of working here, I already went home 12 times, 2) all of it will be new again once I start working with a new company, and 3) not everyone wears western clothes here, so where am I giving it away?



How did I accumulate lots of clothes? In manila, I don’t have a maid. I wash my clothes and that’s every weekend, so I need to have extra clothes to last me for another week. With this in mind, I assume I will need to do the same thing here. But here, almost everyone can afford to have a maid and the maid washes the clothes every day. There’s a less chance for them to run out of clothes because the maid is washing the clothes everyday anyway, and sad to say, others repeat their clothes too the following day even without washing it.  I’m a designer and a working lady; I just need to be presentable all the time. I have to be dressed according to the occasion. And back in grade school, we learned the grouping of our clothes. There’s a proper clothes to wear on specific occasions. We have
1) pambahay or house dress/clothes
2) pantulog or sleepwear
3) panlabas or clothes for going out

And under the “clothes for going out” we categorized it again as office wear, party wear or casual wear. And then we have our summer clothes or cold weather clothes. I have my winter clothes here. So, I accumulated more clothes according to needs and occasions. I wear my western clothes to office, I wear fatau, shawl and jeans whenever travelling for official business, I wear salwarkamizes whenever I go to villages or visit other Bengali or dignitaries and I wear sarees whenever I attend Bengali weddings. And yes, even my salwarkamizes are coded, I have sets for casual outing and I have sets that are for office wear, something that a regular Bengali woman will not have because what I noticed here, they wear their salwarkamizes both for office wear, casual wear and sometimes party wear. They wear the same shalwarkamizes for summer, rainy or winter. It seems like they don’t have the “clothing group”. But, I know my colleagues have lots of clothes too because I’ve been to their houses. Yeah, I have lots of clothes but I believe it’s normal, only that, it’s not usual for auntie.

Updates

After two weeks of vacation, I’m back in Dhaka. It was a very hectic vacation with all the wedding suppliers left and right. The first week was schedule for suppliers meet-up, but prior to going home, I shortlisted at least 3 companies per supplier. And I scheduled a meeting with them already so that I can plan my itinerary ahead of time.

My goal was to book all suppliers who handle one event per day and those are the Photographer, HMUA, OTD coordinator, and gown designer. The gown designer usually handles more than one client per event day but since I’m an overseas bride, I want it done as early as possible so that I can do the fittings according to my scheduled vacation. I also attended 3 food tasting but until now I’m not decided which caterer to choose, so I’m planning to have a food tasting with a different caterer next time I’m in manila.

My criteria in choosing my suppliers are simple. I think it’s the basic guidelines also for all b2b. My criteria are:

1. Peso power: as we are working on a budget, we need to shortlist the suppliers according to their package rates. If it is beyond the budget, even if they have good raves and feedbacks, they are out of the list. I need to be practical especially with the recent changes in my work status. And, I really don’t like to splurge too much since this is a one day event, what’s important is the life after that.

2. Positive Reviews: of course they should have a good reviews and feedbacks. I f they are all negative feedbacks, I remove them from the list. If it is doubtful, I consider them but not the priority.

3. Customer service: I can’t rate them yet totally since I can only see their actual customer
service on the day itself. But the exchange of correspondence can already give me a gauge if they are organize and attentive. Sometimes, I can feel rapport thru exchanges of emails only. And also during the meet-up, did they follow up regarding our meeting? Are they late? Are they on time? Did they present well their services? Do they have annoying mannerisms? Do they bad talk someone else? Do they answer my queries nicely and correctly and explained it in layman’s term?

4. Attitude/Chemistry: it is very important that we have a good working relationship with the suppliers. If we don’t have chemistry, even if they are the best in their craft, it’s goodbye. We will be working together on my special day so a good chemistry is a must. And even if you very talented if you have an attitude, then it is goodbye also. I remember during an interview, the employer/interviewee told us applicants that between talent + attitude and less talent +without attitude, they rather hire the latter because a talent can develop and hone but an attitude, you can’t really change it. I want to be friends with my suppliers but I want also to keep that at a professional level, after all, I will get their services because they are professional and not because they are my friends.

5. Personal appearance: please, I’m not discriminating people but of course I want to be surrounded with presentable people with breeding 

6. Package and freebies: yes, the inclusion matters  every one loves freebies :-)

As much as I want to go to details regarding my suppliers and wedding preparation, my FMIL advised me not to post anything regarding wedding preparations because it is a bad karma. I think their belief is similar with their belief regarding pregnancy. Unlike in the Philippines where everyone is just so excited if they are expecting, announcing it to everyone even in the cyberspace, giving baby showers and sending congratulatory messages, here in Bangladesh, it’s not allowed. There’s no baby shower and no announcement of pregnancy. I ‘ll just be surprise to received a sweet from colleague whose wife just gave birth or a colleague who just gave birth. And if you see someone pregnant, you don’t greet or ask how is their pregnancy. In tagalog "baka maudlot".

ITEMS DONE:

• Photographer: they are heaven sent to me. He was referred to me by my university friend because he was the photographer during my friend’s colleague’s wedding. The colleague has good raves about him and she is recommending him also. I emailed the photographer and I was actually surprised to receive a paragraph answer per queries. It’s unusual because everytime I emailed a supplier, they have this “template type answers” to every questions. But this guy, he is so personal in answering my mails. I thought it’s just a sales strategy or sales talk, but after few more exchanges of email, I know that it’s a genuine customer service. And, small world it is, his partner was our student in the university where I taught for a year and we are both from Ilocos and tracing our family roots, we are distant relatives. Meeting with them was not a meeting but it feels like a get together. That was a very long meeting  I only got their Service Only Package but they are very accommodating with all my queries, and they gave me a wedding gift. :-)

• Videographer: I booked them thru emails. I haven’t met them in person. I chose them based on the positive reviews in the wedding forum where I’m a proud member. And I saw their sample works, and for a beginner, it’s good. I need someone who will document my event with a good quality without me giving my legs and arms.

• HMUA: had a bad experience with another HMUA that I was broken hearted because I really like her work but we didn’t jive so I let her go. The one that I booked was not even in my shortlists but a fellow bride recommended her to me. So I checked her portfolio and scheduled for a trial make up. I was happy with the results and she is a nice person. H saw the pictures and he’s okay with it too.

• Designer: he was not in my shortlist and I never read/heard about him in the forum, but a fellow bride Anna recommended him to me. He is one handsome gay  He was able to work around my budget and his shop is near to my place. MY entourage will not going to have a hard time going to his place for fittings. He used to work abroad. Though I noticed most of his designs have similar patterns, I just ignored it since I don’t know the other brides anyway  My first & second shell fitting will be this September, and hopefully, I will also get the groom’s mother gown so that FMIL can fit it also.

• Quartet: I first read about them thru another blog. And I checked their repertoire and they have an extensive list. They even have quartet arrangements for upbeat music like Moves like Jagger, Orion by Metallica. I was undecided to get a quartet or to get them even because among the shortlisted, they have higher rate. But I decided to get them when a fellow bride needs help in transferring her booking because they cancelled their Manila wedding, I want to help the bride and also, I really like their repertoire.

• OTD Coordinator: among the three, they are the one who presented their services pretty well and with poise. I just hope they will perform well because my sister’s opinion was “they seem delicate, they might not be able to perform well”

• Wedding Host: read good reviews about her and my photographer is also recommending her over the other one, good thing I’m a member of the wedding forum, and for that I got a discount 

• Cake: it’s included in the package with Oasis, so I just choose among their suppliers and I already gave them the image of my peg. And the flavor that I want.

• Endorsement Letter: I submitted the endorsement letter from the Chancery to Mt. Carmel and I also got my endorsement letter from Mt. Carmel for my pre-cana seminar here.

• Venue: seen the venue and it’s beautiful already but I wonder if I have extra budget for additional lights & sounds effects for more drama.Finally, I met my AE also :-)

IN PROGRESS:

• Photobooth: included also with oasis Package, I already selected the supplier, will need to choose lay-out and backdrop design.

• Caterer: I went to three food tasting for three different caterer but still I’m not satisfied. Will schedule again another food tasting with another caterer.

• Hotel Preps: since my sister is the events manager in this hotel, so I decided to book them so that I can get additional discount. I’m still waiting for the final quotation but I gave her already the blank cheque.

• Invitation: selected the designs and colors already but I don’t have the final list of entourage that’s why I didn’t book them yet.

• Program: the emcee emailed me a draft of the program already. Yeah, we are early hehe.

PENDING:
• Bridal bouquet & entourage flowers: need to finalize the pegs so that I can get the final costing.
• Cake Topper: I gave the pegs and still waiting for the designer’s feedback if she can do it or not.
• Wedding rings: maybe will check it next month
• Documents: I have until September to complete the documents from here so that I can bring it home with me by September and submit it to the Chancery. Once I’m back in Manila, will apply for my own documents.
• Pre-cana seminar: we are planning to attend this July or August.
• Entourage List: I need to finalize them so that I can advise them already for their fitting schedule.
• Bridal Car: i'm considering of getting a "Car For Hire" instead of renting an actual "Bridal Car", it's cheaper and more practical than hiring a car for four hours only whose rental fees is almost equivalent to 1 day rate of "car For Hire"


So far, I think I'm doing fine in terms of progress and pace. I really hope we will have more progress by next month.