Quarenta Quarentine Birthday in the time of Corona

Day 123: It's my 40th birthday!

Initially, I planned to have a party with my friends & family. As a matter of fact, I was putting an idea of a surprise party into my husband's brains. A big children's party theme, after all, I never had a children birthday party, except for that one birthday celebration I had when I was in Grade 3. My whole class was invited for my party after our class dismissal. I even remember mama coming to our school to invite the class. Papa won the jueteng a day before my birthday thus we were able to to had a party at home.

On my 18th birthday, my maternal grandmother cooked something special for lunch. No debut party but my 2 older sisters and I, went to Enchanted Kingdom to celebrate my birthday. We don't have a single picture on that day because the camera we used was defective hehehe!

Birthdays then were celebrated simple. A special meal at home or a treat to a nearby restaurant.

From 2008-2011, I was working here in Bangladesh already. I used to treat my staff on my birthday. The custom here is the celebrant should be given a treat and not the other way around. But I feel uncomfy if my staff will treat me on my birthday, I let them treat me on their birthdays instead.

My first birthday was in Boomer's. We had lunch there with my team and the Category Management team, and Communications Department heads.

One celebration that was different was in 2009 when we had at BBQ tonight. When my party started singing happy birthday to me, the other customers sang too with them impromptu. You know the restaurant scene in "My Best Friend's Wedding" where everyone started singing together? It feels like that. So happy and surprised, and I think my face turned lobster red again. I always had a double celebration, one with my colleagues, and 2nd with alvin and his parents because it is also his father's birthday.

Then after getting married, celebration became simplier. No party. No "special MY birthday", but special nevertheless, celebrating it with my husband and my two munchkins is more than enough.

 

So, I decided that on my 40th birthday, I want a party. Another plan was to celebrate it in Canada. I know it's just another birthday, just a number, but I think it should be celebrated extra special since it is another milestone. I completed 4 decades of colorful life, and about to start a new decade. Life begins at 40, so they say. And who would have thought, with a turn of events, the world in pandemic since January, that a new way of life will really begin at 40.

The life as we knew it was halted due to this COVID19. All plans were cancelled. This pandemic wreak havoc. We are all now living the "new normal" that doesn't feel normal at all. We are fighting with an invisible enemy. A deathly war, wherein staying at home and practicing social distancing can save us, coupled with constant washing of hands and wearing of mask. This is a history in the making. Being alive now and healthy is something to celebrate every single day.


Celebration is simple but full of blessings and contentment with my husband and wonderful daughters. 

Glimpse of my birthday 2020

my blessings 

videocall with HS friends

40 things I'm grateful for 

01. waking up alive and healthy
02. my two healthy and adorable daughters that adores me
02. my wonderful husband who loves me so much
03. my parents-in-law 
04. my strong capable body 
05. comfortable life 
06. spending time with my husband and kids
07. video calls with my parents & sisters & their family
08. surprise or random messages / calls from friends
09. my good circle of friends
10. netflix
11. when kids go to bed early and I have some time for myself
12. a good night sleep
13. a good skin care regimen
14. free food haha!
15. reading and finishing a good book
16. eating my favorite food in peace
17. taking a long shower in peace
18. a good cup of tea or coffee
19. a delicious cake
20. a delicious hearty bowl of ramen
21. our dependable Ruma apu
22. Everything that I have achieved
23. the opportunities I have to achieve what I want
24. watching sunrise or sunset
25. winter!
26. comfort food esp when Im craving for it
27. Access to clean water
28. our airconditioner
29. Access to the internet
30. my gadgets!
31. the kindness of a stranger
32. watching the night sky and full moon
33. seeing a rainbow
34. everything that my parents gave and have done for me
35. reminiscing over old photos and sharing childhood stories
36. the funny things my children say
37. a good cry to release emotion
38. my mind that continues to learn
39. videocall with my friends
40. Finding money at the bottom of my bag

There's actually more than 40 that I'm grateful for but since I'm celebrating 40 years, so let's write down 40 :-)

My Birthing Story

“A woman’s satisfaction with her birth experience is related more to her involvement in decision-making than to the outcome.” – Dr. Sarah J. Buckley. “Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering”

Just like with her manang, our bunso came out at 38 wks and 6 days, thru CS after 20 hours of waiting for an active labor to start. We tried to have VBAC, but I really don't know why i didn't reach active labor. This is my birthing story.

The date when we found out that we are pregnant is the same date when we got engaged.

When we found out that we are pregnant after 6 months of planning and trying, I am really decided that this time, i will give birth naturally. No OB-Gyne will scare me nor discourage me to try for Vaginal Birth After Ceasarean or VBAC. I asked for help and confidence from a doula, who is based in the Philippines. I researched and found out that there are successful vbac cases as part of medical experiment here in Dhaka. So I was hopeful I will be able to find an OB-Gyne who will support my decision. I started asking around too in Bangladeshi mommy groups and was glad to chance upon someone who had a successful vbac here in bd. Luckily, the ob sits here in uttara too, but because her clinic hours are at evening, it is impossible for me to go there alone. So we opted to go to another OB who sits in United Hospital because this time we decided to change OB and hospital. 

The first OB is popular and highly recommended. She didn’t discourage me about vbac but wasn’t encouraging too. For her, it will be all upon God's will. The first two appointments, i had to wait for one to two hours, not because of a long queue but because the appointment system at united hospital sucks! For them, the appointment time doesn’t mean you will meet the dr already but your call time/reporting time. It is irritating and a waste of our time really, waiting for so called professionals who don’t know how to value the time of others. 

I changed OB after that, and went to another OB who was referred by a friend. She was my OB till my 36th week coz suddenly she changed tone. From the start i did informed her that i want to have a trial labor and she did agree. But on my 36th wk checkup, she told me that we need to schedule my CS the following week when we meet again for my 37th wk checkup. That's when i decided that, i will really need to change ob again and meet the ob here in Uttara. That time, my husband is already with a new company with better working hours. So he can accompany me already with my checkup. He booked an appointment with Dr Hafiza Aktar instantly.

My OB, Dr Hafiza Aktar, with my newborn baby.

It was the best decision, and we even wondered why it took us so long to meet her - but well, of course we knew the answer, it wasn’t possible for me that time coz my husband was always at work till midnight. Instantly, i felt comfortable and at ease with dr hafiza. The very first OB whom i felt is genuinely caring. She agreed with trial labor. Agreed that we will wait till my 40th week then after that we will go for CS. She even explained to me that a rupture water bag without labor pain doesn't warrant for an emergency cs coz we can wait at least 24hours for labor to commence, and in case that my bp is high again, they will manage that first before deciding for cs. Imagine my surprise when she told me that? If only my first OB did those things before or if only i was well informed during my first pregnancy, then maybe i was able to give birth naturally.

My eldest daughter giving kiss to her ading.

On my 38th week, our eldest daughter gave an announcement that her sister will arrive on Sunday. - That’s either Oct 1 or Oct 8, coz my edd was Oct 10. For me, any date will do as long as it is on October and not on September. I was even hoping for oct 4 so that my daughter and my husband will have the same birthdate or oct 12 so that it will be the same with my parents wedding anniversary. 

Oct 1 Sunday, after eating what I requested for dinner “Take Out Burgers”, i was getting ready to have a shower. My husband told me that our daughter's announcement didn’t come true. In which i replied, there is another Sunday before my edd. She didn’t say which Sunday, she just said on Sunday. I entered the bathroom and i saw there is blood in my pee. So i called my husband and told him that i think i will start laboring soon, so he has to be prepared. When i entered the bathroom again, my water bag broke. That's when i told him to inform the OB. We were advised to go to the emergency dept of Uttara Adhunik Medical College Hospital already so they can check and monitor me. We told our daughter that mommy and daddy will need to go to the hospital already and she has to stay with her grandma or ruma auntie. This was tough coz it is the first time that we are leaving her alone.

In the emergency room, they checked my blood pressure. It was high again. I really think I have a white gown syndrome. Since my water bag broke already, they told us we need to be admitted as they need to monitor me and put an IV on me.

This is a government hospital, and men are not allowed inside the labor room/ob dept. I was sad thinking I will be spending the whole night, alone with the other women in labor in the labor room. Good thing they told me I can stay in my cabin since I’m not in active labor yet. While in the labor room though, I noticed that they don’t allow the women who are in active labor to move around. We were told to just lie down in bed, so different from what I usually hear from friends in the Philippines where they advise you to move more to help the baby move down and to help the labor to progress. Before going to my cabin, the doctor-on-duty reprimands me from moving or walking around and I was advice to just lie down and go to sleep.

My companion is fast asleep.

Inside my cabin, I’m getting antsy. I don’t feel any pain. I don’t know what’s happening, if I’m progressing or not. They didn’t do IE also, the doctor in charge said it is unhygienic. I was chatting with Escie, she was giving some tips of what I can do to help me go thru labor. But nothing is working, until I’m so sleepy and just decided to sleep coz if I will go to labor the following day, I know I will need all the strength.

Come morning time, they wheeled me back to the labor room. Still no labor pain, my OB came after lunch, and advised me to have a small dose of Pitocin, maybe it can help me go thru labor. By 4pm, when they did an IE, I didn’t understand if my cervix is still close or not at all progressing. She was actually willing to wait till the following day, but the OB in charge gave her opinion also that it might be too risky since I’m not progressing at all. My husband and I feels worried too, we think it is way too risky to wait till the following day, so we decided to go for CS again.

Not the actual operating room but similar looking. The one in Adhunik is more bare, and dimmer.

They prepped me up for CS. By 7pm they wheeled me to the operating room. And well, I felt like I’m entering a horror movie scene haha! It is so bare, unlike the operating room at Apollo Hospital, which was well-lighted. The only thing missing inside the operating room to complete the horror movie feels are the hanging knives, saw, and chains.

At 720pm, October 2, 2017, Monday, weighting 6.6 pounds, 20 inches long, our second born, our second daughter, the youngest grandchild of my parents, Arielle Maisie, is born.

A perfect birthday celebration for my husband's 37th birthday
, as we were discharged from the hospital on Oct 4th.

I may have not got my goal of giving birth naturally, but this time, I’m at peace because it was a gentle birth. We tried, we were given the chance, and we made the call. 

First Entry for 2017

Motherhood is 24/7 career. Updating a blog is too tasking now.

In summary, our daughter, our first born is now three years old. We have a headstrong threenager now :-)

our special announcement

Our family is growing! Please keep us in your prayers :-) Mayumi prefers to be called Manang Mayumi.

My one and only sister-in-law, my daughter's godmother is here for vacation too to celebrate mayumi's birthday with us. We opted to go out of town for a much needed family outing together with some family friends over a few hours of party.

with mayumi's godma and godpa

daddy was at work

the struggle is real in taking decent picture with a toddler and oldies

at the Chuti resort

A Random Update

Motherhood and work still eating up my time.
Just a random update for positive vibes.

Our 10 month old buri

Yesterday, our daughter completed 10 months.
Our little buri is not a fan of camera or video.
She doesn't have teeth yet but she bites, pinches and pulls my nips!
She loves kissy-kissy around her neck
She loves it when I sing "insy winsy spider", "tong tong pakitong kitong" , sampung mga daliri, and banana song of the minions
She loves munching on roti, muri and eating her khichuri and steamed veggies.
She wakes up in the morning just to watch her daddy prepare for work.
She is a happy baby who loves crawling, standing up, dancing to the tune of her walker and "shake your booty"
She is 10kgs and still on breastmilk (yahoo!!) one year mark goal is within my reach :-)
Last saturday, January 24, my daughter showed us that she can stand up without holding on to anything!

Oh my baby loves, you are growing up so fast. I have to start planning for your birthday party.

My Birthing Story

April 10... Today was supposed to be my due date, but my little one decided to come two weeks earlier instead at 38weeks on March 27 at 11am thru cs in Apollo Hospital Dhaka Bangladesh, weighting 6.6lbs and height of 19.7inches, whom we named Alexis Mayumi.

I did mention before that I prefer vaginal delivery, but sometimes things don’t happen the way you want it. I ended up having a c-section, but no matter what way I gave birth, the best part is still the end result - a beautiful baby.

My daughter with my OBgyne Dr. Gulshan Ara

My birthing story started at early morning around 3am when I’m half asleep half awake of almost peeing in the bed twice, and both I was able to stop and made me realize it isn’t the waterbag breaking. The third time I went to the bathroom to make a pee but when I get back to bed, the spot where I was sitting on was wet, I transferred to another spot and that too got wet. That when I decided to get up and go to the bathroom again and notice there's a drip but not a gush. I vibered my mom and sis and they told me to go to the er just to be sure, that’s when I started packing my hospital bag. That’s around 530am already and my husband woke up also and asked what I’m doing, that’s when the big gush came. We left for the hospital at 630am and reach there around 7am. No labor pain, no contractions yet. Baby's heartbeat was fine but no, I didn’t feel her move since my waterbag broke, and my BP shoot up to 140/110. The on-duty OB checked on me and monitored the baby's heartbeat and by the time my OB arrived & checked on me it was around 9am, my BP is still high and still no labor pain, no contraction - that’s when she recommended that I should go for cs coz she doesn’t want to take risk by inducing me, there's a chance that it will put my baby and myself in danger if she will induce me while my BP is high and it's actually steady at high - in my medical report after discharge, the diagnosis was pre-eclampsia and oligohydramnios.

Our first family picture right after the operation.

I was upset, disappointed. I really don’t want to have a cs but I don’t want to put my baby at risk also and at that time I don’t have other options and no chance to get second opinion anymore. We agreed for cs and were scheduled for 10am. Once inside the or, I felt the tense and Fear that I was trying to ignore the whole time. This is my first major surgery. Lots of things are running in my mind, I’m trying my best to calm myself but all I can think of is what if they will make a mistake in injecting the spinal anesthesia, I will be paralyze. The anesthesiologist was so nice he keeps talking to me, asking about Philippines and telling me you relax. But I don’t know if I was able to relax at all the entire operation, the worrier in me made me think lots of negative things, one was I’m going to die. I delivered the baby at 11am, one tiny pink baby. They didn’t place her on my chest; they did show her to me for a few seconds before they take her away. The whole time that they were stitching me up, I was asking for my baby, they told me she is with my husband already. As soon as they wheeled me to the recovery room, I saw my in-laws and my baby waiting for me. 

The nurses told me to rest and to sleep, while the whole time they were monitoring my BP, gave me medicine to lower it and stabilize it. From 11am till 6pm I was at the recovery room because my BP was not going down. They can’t offer me water and I was so thirsty I feel my throat was so dry. They did try to latch my baby on me, and I hate the pain of someone pinching and pulling my nipple towards my baby's mouth. I can see just a tiny droplet of colostrums, so small amount but I know that is sufficient for my baby. It's a good thing my baby knows how to suck and learned how to latch quickly. The first time I saw my husband carrying a baby is a sight to behold, despite the drowsiness and grogginess, I felt happy to see my husband carrying our baby and the way he looks at her is something. 

By 6pm we were transferred to our own room. The nurses were so helpful especially at night because that's when our baby starts to cry nonstop, she doesn’t like to stay in the bassinet, cries out loud whenever her diaper is wet or dirty, and because I can’t stand yet, my husband was the sole babysitter for the night. It's so nice that the nurses help him in soothing our baby. I felt so helpless and useless coz I’m not sure if baby is getting enough from me. I still don’t have milk and it frustrates me more whenever someone is asking me if I got milk or did I feed her enough. I’m a first time mom and I don’t know the answers to these questions, I just know the colostrums are enough for the baby and the doctor said it too. I feel sorry for my husband who has to endure sleepless nights alone when he has work the following morning. I dreaded every morning when my husband has to leave to go to work. My in-laws were with me but I prefer my husband to be around. During daytime, Alexis mayumi is an angel- quiet, feeds and just sleeping whole day but at night time she is fuzzy and always crying and her cry was a loud shriek. The nurses are on the dot also during feeding time, and again I have to endure the pulling and pinching of my nipple towards mayumi's mouth- sometimes I wonder if the nurses are doing it on purpose. Every time they will have to say, I still don’t have milk and yet again I will tell them colostrums is fine. But still they think I’m not feeding mayumi enough that’s why she is fuzzy at night. All these plus my disappointment of going thru cs and me half immobile for the meantime makes me feel worst, helpless and doubt my own milk - I had to remind my husband please don’t give formula milk to my baby. I hate it also when they assume something why my baby is like that and I don’t like it too whenever they asked me what’s wrong with her or what happen. She is a baby and newly born, and the only thing she can do actually is cry - that’s her way of communicating, and I can’t decipher that, yet. Crying doesn’t always mean she is hungry.

The following day after my operation I have to start walking, and it’s the most painful thing I’ve ever felt it made me cry and it actually made me want to die coz it was really an excruciating pain. We were supposed to be discharged on the 4th day but on the 3rd day, mayumi's bilirubin was 13.9 that her pedia advised us to put her under phototherapy, we extended one night stay. Sending her to NICU was upsetting. I couldn’t help myself but cry. I tried feeding her so we can put her to sleep but I still don’t have milk. The NICU staff taslima was assisting me and I hate it when she told me rudely after pressing my nipple "you don’t have milk, how are you going to feed her? What do you want me to do?" I felt more down when the attending doctor has to explained to me that mayumi's needs to sleep with full stomach and since I still don’t have milk as the colostrums is not sufficient, they will give formula milk. I was again broken hearted coz I planned to EBF my baby but I’m left w no choice - I will breastfeed her and it isn’t sufficient then they will give formula. How o wish my husband was there with me at that very moment but he has to go to work. That night, he was able to sleep properly while the nurses still have to wake me up during feeding time and wheeled me down to NICU. The next day I got milk already, and it’s enough to feed Mayumi so there are times that they don’t have to give formula to Mayumi anymore, but we still can’t go home since her bilirubin was still 12.8, her pedia advised us for her to stay another night. My breast started to get hard especially the left one coz Mayumi doesn’t like to feed from that side. At least the night shift NICU staff Motoshi was nicer than taslima. She told me to put a hot compress on my breast because if it is hard the baby will not latch. Those nights I’m in constant communication with my sis and mom, there are times I cry silently out of despair, and questioned God why He is letting this happen. 

Finally, we were discharged on April 1^st. We are just so happy to go home and take care of Alexis Mayumi in our own home and comfort. It was nice to have the nurses to help us but nothing feels better when you are finally home.

Just few of her many facial expressions

Looking back, I’m glad that we are both safe and healthy and my baby is thriving, but at the back of my mind, I still wonder, if I were in the Philippines, will the doctors there give the same call? Or would they have me induce? But again, I’m just glad that we are both safe and healthy. Financially, it was a blow in the pocket but we are happy that we are safe and we are now home.

Will blog soon about our first night at home and will continue to blog about my motherhood journey.

Pregnant Chronicles #2: Myths, Beliefs and/or Facts

Like the Philippines and other culture and civilizations in the world, Bangladeshis have their own traditions, beliefs, myths and superstitions regarding pregnancy. We can say we are living in a modern world already but beliefs don’t die just like that. Either it’s purely myths I find it weird because I grew up in a family that don’t believe in superstitious beliefs even if we are aware of those things. My own mom didn’t follow any myths but all 5 of us siblings grew up pretty well and we are all okay.

As soon as people finds out about your pregnancy, you will get tons of “tips and advices”. Others are facts but mostly are myths. You hear a list of “Do’s and Don’ts” but you seldom hear “words of encouragement”. You hear stories about the difficulties of pregnancy but no one will tell you the “joys of pregnancy… With all this things, I wonder why they don’t just advice “don’t get pregnant”. I’m not spared of this things and it’s more annoying if those people are your own family. And it’s weird that you hear these things from “moms” as if they didn’t know or no one told them before that “every pregnancy, every woman is different”. That, what works for you may not work for me and vice versa. I know sometimes they say this things but they mean no harm, but we pregnant women have lots of things to think and worry and be concern about already and it will be a great help if you will not add up to our “pregnancy woes” with your myths and beliefs.

These are the few things I come across with:

Don’t eat pineapple.

My MIL told me this because a pregnant lady had a miscarriage after eating pineapple. This is their conclusion base on what happened and not base on any medical diagnosis. I goggled about it and read that pineapple can cause early contraction but it isn’t included in the “list of food to be avoided during pregnancy”. It’s a good thing that pineapple is not my favorite fruit. How about “pineapple with/and milk”? No one told me it’s bad to eat this two together until I came here in BD. I tried googling about it but I didn’t find any explanation. Apparently, someone died after eating pineapple and/with milk, and again they concluded that’s the cause of death. If someone can clarify this or give veracity regarding this, please do share.

Don’t eat eggplant.

From my Filipino friends, according to them the baby’s skin will not be smooth if you eat eggplant. While from a Filipino-Chinese belief, it will make your baby’s eyes big & round instead of the chinky eyes. The fun part is the way a friend told me about it after posting a picture of eggplant in FB, it’s like a just committed a mortal sin. I just avoided eating eggplant after that, it’s doable anyway since I only want my eggplant cooked as torta or puki-puki which no one here wants to eat it that way. Now I’m thinking does it count when you are not aware that you are pregnant yet? I was not aware that I’m pregnant already last July and it was Ramadan so I’m always eating fried eggplant for iftar. My own mom ate eggplant when she was pregnant also, and again we are all fine and our skin is smooth.

Don’t eat raw/uncooked green papaya.

I know pregnant women should not eat anything raw, but my MIL specifically told me not to eat a raw papaya. Again, she doesn’t know why but she was told not to eat it when she was pregnant herself.  I wonder do the Japanese women stop eating sushi when they are pregnant.

Don’t eat eggs.

Not really “stop eating eggs” but my MIL wants me to lessen eating eggs like one egg per week only. She doesn’t want me to eat too many eggs because one of her relative had a miscarriage for eating too many eggs. And according to her, that was the OB’s diagnosis. While, an ex-colleague told me that her mom made her eat at least two eggs per day and she just gave birth with a healthy baby boy. My take on this is “anything that is too much is bad, pregnant or not. Everything should be eaten in moderation”. My own OB actually t told me I can eat anything as long as I don’t have problem eating. Really, the key is eating in moderation. With all the things my in-laws told me not to eat, funny thing that they didn’t tell me to lessen or stop eating sweets at all. My FIL actually buys ice cream every day for me even if I keep on telling him that I don’t want to eat ice cream. As soon as I reached my 6 months, I actually stop eating rice for dinner and eat only steamed fish with veggies for dinner and, lessen my sugar & sweets.

Don’t buy fish after dusk because the evil spirits will follow you. And don’t go out after 6pm.

To avoid the bad omen or to ward off the evil eye, pregnant women were given some ribbon to tie around their tummies. Our house helper gave me and my husband a wrapped matchbox that she prayed over as our talisman. I just carry it inside my bag so as not to offend her, and there’s no harm in carrying it anyway. Aside from that, I always carry a rosary with me. My faith in God is still stronger than any superstitious belief.

Avoid taking a bath in the evening or you will get sick. That’s 4pm onwards!

Eat leafy vegetables (shak) to have a hairy baby.

Ok, I don’t believe this but I don’t want to have a hairy baby (my husband and FIL wants a hairy baby), so I stop eating shak. There’s already a big chance of having a dark-skin baby, making it hairy will make it worst. It’s fine if the baby is a boy, but I’m having a baby girl, so I prefer a smooth skin please.

Don’t eat anything black like the squid. Eat only white food stuff.

I’m not that fair, my skin-color is “kayumanggi” and so with my husband who is a Bangladeshi. He isn’t black skin but he isn’t fair, and his skin complexion is darker than mine. Even if we have families and relatives who have fair skin, our baby will inherit mine or his skin complexion or it can be a shade of our colors combined. My point is it’s in the genes and not on what I ate or eat while pregnant. I don’t think I will end up having a “white skin baby” if I eat all the white stuff and avoid eating black stuff. It doesn’t work that way. The same way that even if I’m going to rub my niece or nephew’s clothes on my tummy, my baby will not inherit their Chinese skin.

If it is a baby boy, you will look ugly, if it is a baby girl, you will look pretty.

Other people believe the opposite, if it is a boy you will look pretty but if it is a girl you will look ugly because the baby is getting all your beauty. Maybe it’s true, maybe it’s not, and maybe it’s just pure luck or coincidence. But the truth is, no matter what the gender of the baby is, there’s this “pregnant glow” and our looks change because of the way our hormones affects us and also our diet. No matter what we do, our hormones are crazy during pregnancy. That is something we can’t control. What we can control is our diet that is also affected by our hormones, and it takes a lot of commitment to control ones diet especially if we have those cravings. There are women who exert effort to look pretty but there are also some who doesn’t care less of their appearance since they are not feeling well at all to even spend time in front of the mirror. And there are the lucky ones who are just really pretty when they are pregnant. I was irritated when my sister told me that I look ugly now, what more if I’m having a boy. I didn’t argue anymore because I find it useless. Fact 1, even before, we knew that I’m not the prettiest among us 5 siblings, so why it will matter now that I don’t look pretty like her when she was pregnant. Fact 2, I’m not the fairest among us 5, so obviously if I turn darker around my neck, it will be more noticeable than her, right? I just shrug it off, what matters most is that my husband finds me pretty and getting pretties with each passing day. Who cares if other people think I’m ugly, as long as my husband finds me pretty and never fails me to show his love and asked me randomly “why do you look prettier and prettier every day.”

You are so big for your stage.

Again, every pregnancy and every woman are different. I’m petite; I’m almost 5 ft so obviously I will look rounder because I’m short. And, I’m really “tabain” even before getting married. And all pregnant women will gain weight, and will grow big. Even the skinny ones will gain some weight and flesh but since they are skinny to begin with, their weight gain will be minimal or unnoticeable in comparison to someone who is voluptuous in the first place. So please, stop saying “when I was at that stage, I was not that big”, “you look more than your actual week”, and blah blah blah blah. I love my baby bump so it doesn’t matter if I showed-off earlier than you or the others. Maybe because I had an easy first and second trimester that I really didn’t lose weight but actually gained weight because I feel so hungry most of the time and I can eat anything without feeling nauseous or vomiting.

Look only at beautiful people and fair-skin people to have a beautiful baby with fair skin.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And again, my baby’s appearance will not be base on the images/pictures or, the faces that I looked at or stared at – it are all in our genes. I don’t believe in “LIHI”. There’s no proven scientific or medical explanation to that. I told my mom “no matter how long or many times I stare or watch my niece’s pictures and videos, my baby will not look like her because my husband is not Chinese. Even if I stare at an actress picture, my baby will not look like the actress. I can say only this: my baby will be a beautiful one with the combination of my best assets and her daddy’s best assets. She will be beautiful on her own, an international beauty and my Ms. World. And, I’m in Bangladesh, not looking at someone who isn’t fair is next to impossible, and no one is going to stop me from staring at my handsome husband.

The baby will be a genius because she is an Aries as per my in-laws.

Nope, I beg to disagree. My baby will be smart/genius regardless what her horoscope is, simply because she is my baby. Yes, I’m proud to say that. I don’t want to base my baby’s personality and capability according to the astrology. I’m not a hardcore believer on astrology, while I noticed majority of the Bangladeshis are that includes my in-laws.

Enough have been said and shared, and there are still lots of things to say related to pregnancy. Remember that while it can be true for some, it may not necessarily be for all. There are ways of fighting for a good and enjoyable pregnancy. You just have to be like a sieve, letting the non-sense and useless things go away and keeping the better, positive, more encouraging, nevertheless realistic, side of things, just the important and essential things. Learn to shrug it off, and above all, have faith in God that He will never leave you alone.

Here's an excerpt from Rica's blog:

"There's a way to fight what the world says, women. And even men - husbands of these wives; do pray with your ladies. Believe for the best and do everything by faith. Refuse curses and declarations others confess upon you and your body and I dare say there's a way to fight it, but that is only through the Lord who is greater than he who is in the world. Even the book "What To Expect When You're Expecting" poses disclaimers that every pregnancy is unique with symptoms that cannot be ascertained. yet I learned that we can be sure of one thing, and that is I can do this by faith and faith in God alone."

Christmas 2013: First Christmas as Husband and Wife

Since 2007, I've been celebrating christmas here in Dhaka. In comparison, it's not really a very festive or a big celebration here.  I've been celebrating christmas eve with H's family, the only difference now is we are married. This is our first christmas as husband and wife - it may not be festive as I want it to be, but I'm happy because I'm his wife now and I was able to spend the rest of the christmas day just making fun of each other and cuddling each other and feeling our baby move inside me. That  is a very precious moment :-)

Christmas Day here is just like an ordinary day except maybe if you are living around christian community which we are not. Few days before Christmas, I prepared the chicken embutido already for our christmas menu, a little something that reminds me of our noche buena meals in the Philippines. I wanted o marinate a christmas ham like what i used to do the previous years, but since our househelper isn't a christian, we really don't cook pork at home, so I settled for chicken embutido instead. They don't really have special dishes here that you can associate with christmas, unlike in the Philippines, there are some special dishes that you can associate with christmas or special occassions like the Christmas ham, queso de bola, sapin-sapin, palabok, meatloaf or embutido, spring rolls, the rice cakes like puto bumbong, and other family traditional dishes. But I think, I will make the chicken embutido a staple of our Christmas menu starting this year.

They don't have noche buena here also. We ate our dinner before going to the church for the midnight mass and then when got back from the church, we just ate some apple pie before distributing the gifts, and after opening the gifts, we went off to sleep. Christmas day is quiet also, my husband cooked beef rezala and chicken korma for lunch, and then we had a party to attend in the evening. Nothing festive really, but like what I said, I'm happy because I spend it with my husband :-) and next christmas, I know it will be more festive because our little one will be with us already. Merry Christmas everyone and a prosperous New Year!!!

Missing Bangladesh and the Festivities

Bangladesh may not be the best country to live in nor a place to tour, but it has its own charm, if only you open your eyes and mind, you will be enchanted by this small and young country too. What I miss most of Bangladesh aside from the friends and family I left there, is the winter season from late November to early March. It's a very pleasant weather. In the city, the temperature gets cold like Baguio City during the 80's, while in the hilly parts, it gets too cold that people die because of the cold temperature.

Early morning winter, it's getting denser.

And since it's winter there, it's also considered the "Wedding Month". One of H's cousin is set to get married this month. They already held their "holud" last wednesday and the wedding is today.

The engaged couple wears yellow or orange for the Holud 

Holud is one of the many festivities in connection of a wedding celebration. It's commonly practice in Muslim religion and Hindu religion, and it became a Bengali Tradition. Some Christians/Catholics adapts this celebration also, but I have yet to attend a Holud for a Christian or catholic couple.

Holud is a bangla word for turmeric and it's also the bangla word for color yellow. Traditionally, holud for the groom and for the bride is celebrated separately, but nowadays, people celebrate it together. It's similar to a bridal shower or to a stag party without the "hanky-panky" or "kinky games" or "naughty games". In Holud, the couple are usually dress in color yellow or orange traditional bengali clothes, and the family members’ clothes are also color coded, and the guests are expected to wear something yellow or orange too. The couple are seated on the stage where guests will have to scrub them with turmeric paste or spread the turmeric paste in any expose skin of the couple, and feed them with sweets afterwards. This practice is the “cleansing of the couple” before they enter the married life. If we look at it, it’s similar to the confession we do prior to the wedding celebration. We have to be clean before we face the Lord and the church community and accepts the Sacrament of matrimony.

Sometimes, they also prepare a program of dancing and singing.

Dance presentation during gaye holud of another cousin

In H's family, they don't practice this tradition, that's why we didn't have a Holud party, but if given a choice and chance, I want to experience the Bengali traditions also, but definitely, I will have a "Boubhat party".

My second time to wear a saree at my staff's holud party. (2008)

Tradition is a guide and not a jailer. - W. Somerset Maugham

Another thing that I will miss this winter season is the "mustard field" in bloom.

He don't bring me flowers anymore, but he made sure to give me a field of flowers.

Last winter, H and his family planned a trip to the village so that I can see and have a picture in the mustard field. This one was just a small patch of mustard field, but nevertheless, it was awesome. They say dark spirits lurk around the mustard field that's why they find it weird that I want to go and see and have a picture in the mustard field. 

Pre-Cana Seminar

Pre-Cana or Preparation for Marriage Counselling is a requirement in a Church wedding. Since H and I are based overseas, we requested from the Chancery of Cubao to allow us to have our pre-cana abroad.

Bibaho Prostuti Shohaika (Marriage Preparation Help)

Our pre-cana was administered by a seminarian. And there were times that the discussion was awkward since there were topics that are “taboo” in BD like the sexuality and family planning. We had a one hour session every night from 730pm to 830pm for 5 consecutive nights. It’s a good thing that it was Ramadan during that time, the roads going to the church were traffic free all the time, that it took us 30minutes from the house to the church, and 45minutes from the church to the house which usually takes 1 hour and more during regular days. We consider it our “date” too because we go out for coffee or snacks after the session before going home.

During the seminar, I’m so proud with H because he shared lots of things. He is a man of few words and he doesn’t talk about his emotions but during the seminar, he opened up and shared in the topic too. I want to share what we had discussed in the 5 nights seminar.

1^st session: the seminarian, Brother Ronald Costa, discussed what Marriage is. He asked H and me why we decided to get married and why we want to marry each other. Marriage is a covenant as God is present in it, and it is the first vocation. I can’t recall anymore our answers but H mentioned that he decided to marry me because he wants to spend the rest of his life with me already, he doesn’t want to wait for the weekend for us to see each other but he wants to see me before going to sleep and as soon as he wakes up.

We talked about the 7 Sacraments too and of course I memorized the 7 sacraments that’s why when I can’t complete the 7 sacraments, I made sure to Google it once I reach home. And of course, I’m correct, I already did mentioned the 7 sacraments but Brother Ronald made a mistake by telling me that Matrimony and Holy Orders are one.

Before we ended the 1^st session, he gave us an assignment. We have to write 5 Good Qualities and 5 Bad Qualities of each other and we will discuss it next session.

2^nd Session: We discussed first the 5 qualities. I was surprised I wasn’t able to write 5 bad qualities of H. He isn’t perfect but I can’t seem to find any bad qualities except the obvious hehe. And I was worried that he will be able to write 5 bad qualities of me. We didn’t discuss further with our good qualities, Brother Ronald just reminded us to continue with our good qualities. On the other hand, we discussed the bad qualities and what are the possible causes of it and if we can fix our bad qualities. And well, our bad qualities are fixable.

Brother Ronald shared to us the ingredients to a Happy Conjugal Life: faithfulness, respect to each other, full consent both intellect and will, accepting each other, belief in God and to each other, praising/appreciation of each other, open and constant communication, living according to our means (family budget), healthy sexual life, quality time for each other and forgiveness.

The 3^rd session was awkward since the discussion is about the reproductive system and sex. H didn’t share much during the discussion because he is uncomfortable with the topic. While me, I find it uncomfortable because I’m talking to a Bangladeshi. Yes, they are also advocates of Natural Planning and Brother Ronald reiterated that many times during the session. At the same time, he mentioned to us to be responsible parents and to cultivate a loving relationship with our spouse.

The 4^th session, we talked about family spiritual life. It’s not only the physical body that needs nourishment; our spirit/soul needs nourishment too. We need to pray, attend the mass regularly and do good. We have to balance our time, time for self, time for spouse, time for kids and time for others. We have to be the role model to our children and nourish them according to the teaching s of the Church.

The 5^th session was just a review of the whole session and giving of certificates.

The pre-cana class may not be the best session but nevertheless, it enlightened us about married life, our responsibilities to each other and to our family. H is now much aware that he really needs to be more supportive of me especially that I don’t have my family and friends in BD. He is my support and my beacon.

"I take you to be my Best Friend, my faithful Partner, and my one True Love. I promise to encourage you and inspire you and to love you truly through good times and bad. I will forever be there to laugh with you, to lift you up when you are down and to love you unconditionally through all of our adventures in life together."