My Birthing Story

April 10... Today was supposed to be my due date, but my little one decided to come two weeks earlier instead at 38weeks on March 27 at 11am thru cs in Apollo Hospital Dhaka Bangladesh, weighting 6.6lbs and height of 19.7inches, whom we named Alexis Mayumi.

I did mention before that I prefer vaginal delivery, but sometimes things don’t happen the way you want it. I ended up having a c-section, but no matter what way I gave birth, the best part is still the end result - a beautiful baby.

My daughter with my OBgyne Dr. Gulshan Ara

My birthing story started at early morning around 3am when I’m half asleep half awake of almost peeing in the bed twice, and both I was able to stop and made me realize it isn’t the waterbag breaking. The third time I went to the bathroom to make a pee but when I get back to bed, the spot where I was sitting on was wet, I transferred to another spot and that too got wet. That when I decided to get up and go to the bathroom again and notice there's a drip but not a gush. I vibered my mom and sis and they told me to go to the er just to be sure, that’s when I started packing my hospital bag. That’s around 530am already and my husband woke up also and asked what I’m doing, that’s when the big gush came. We left for the hospital at 630am and reach there around 7am. No labor pain, no contractions yet. Baby's heartbeat was fine but no, I didn’t feel her move since my waterbag broke, and my BP shoot up to 140/110. The on-duty OB checked on me and monitored the baby's heartbeat and by the time my OB arrived & checked on me it was around 9am, my BP is still high and still no labor pain, no contraction - that’s when she recommended that I should go for cs coz she doesn’t want to take risk by inducing me, there's a chance that it will put my baby and myself in danger if she will induce me while my BP is high and it's actually steady at high - in my medical report after discharge, the diagnosis was pre-eclampsia and oligohydramnios.

Our first family picture right after the operation.

I was upset, disappointed. I really don’t want to have a cs but I don’t want to put my baby at risk also and at that time I don’t have other options and no chance to get second opinion anymore. We agreed for cs and were scheduled for 10am. Once inside the or, I felt the tense and Fear that I was trying to ignore the whole time. This is my first major surgery. Lots of things are running in my mind, I’m trying my best to calm myself but all I can think of is what if they will make a mistake in injecting the spinal anesthesia, I will be paralyze. The anesthesiologist was so nice he keeps talking to me, asking about Philippines and telling me you relax. But I don’t know if I was able to relax at all the entire operation, the worrier in me made me think lots of negative things, one was I’m going to die. I delivered the baby at 11am, one tiny pink baby. They didn’t place her on my chest; they did show her to me for a few seconds before they take her away. The whole time that they were stitching me up, I was asking for my baby, they told me she is with my husband already. As soon as they wheeled me to the recovery room, I saw my in-laws and my baby waiting for me. 

The nurses told me to rest and to sleep, while the whole time they were monitoring my BP, gave me medicine to lower it and stabilize it. From 11am till 6pm I was at the recovery room because my BP was not going down. They can’t offer me water and I was so thirsty I feel my throat was so dry. They did try to latch my baby on me, and I hate the pain of someone pinching and pulling my nipple towards my baby's mouth. I can see just a tiny droplet of colostrums, so small amount but I know that is sufficient for my baby. It's a good thing my baby knows how to suck and learned how to latch quickly. The first time I saw my husband carrying a baby is a sight to behold, despite the drowsiness and grogginess, I felt happy to see my husband carrying our baby and the way he looks at her is something. 

By 6pm we were transferred to our own room. The nurses were so helpful especially at night because that's when our baby starts to cry nonstop, she doesn’t like to stay in the bassinet, cries out loud whenever her diaper is wet or dirty, and because I can’t stand yet, my husband was the sole babysitter for the night. It's so nice that the nurses help him in soothing our baby. I felt so helpless and useless coz I’m not sure if baby is getting enough from me. I still don’t have milk and it frustrates me more whenever someone is asking me if I got milk or did I feed her enough. I’m a first time mom and I don’t know the answers to these questions, I just know the colostrums are enough for the baby and the doctor said it too. I feel sorry for my husband who has to endure sleepless nights alone when he has work the following morning. I dreaded every morning when my husband has to leave to go to work. My in-laws were with me but I prefer my husband to be around. During daytime, Alexis mayumi is an angel- quiet, feeds and just sleeping whole day but at night time she is fuzzy and always crying and her cry was a loud shriek. The nurses are on the dot also during feeding time, and again I have to endure the pulling and pinching of my nipple towards mayumi's mouth- sometimes I wonder if the nurses are doing it on purpose. Every time they will have to say, I still don’t have milk and yet again I will tell them colostrums is fine. But still they think I’m not feeding mayumi enough that’s why she is fuzzy at night. All these plus my disappointment of going thru cs and me half immobile for the meantime makes me feel worst, helpless and doubt my own milk - I had to remind my husband please don’t give formula milk to my baby. I hate it also when they assume something why my baby is like that and I don’t like it too whenever they asked me what’s wrong with her or what happen. She is a baby and newly born, and the only thing she can do actually is cry - that’s her way of communicating, and I can’t decipher that, yet. Crying doesn’t always mean she is hungry.

The following day after my operation I have to start walking, and it’s the most painful thing I’ve ever felt it made me cry and it actually made me want to die coz it was really an excruciating pain. We were supposed to be discharged on the 4th day but on the 3rd day, mayumi's bilirubin was 13.9 that her pedia advised us to put her under phototherapy, we extended one night stay. Sending her to NICU was upsetting. I couldn’t help myself but cry. I tried feeding her so we can put her to sleep but I still don’t have milk. The NICU staff taslima was assisting me and I hate it when she told me rudely after pressing my nipple "you don’t have milk, how are you going to feed her? What do you want me to do?" I felt more down when the attending doctor has to explained to me that mayumi's needs to sleep with full stomach and since I still don’t have milk as the colostrums is not sufficient, they will give formula milk. I was again broken hearted coz I planned to EBF my baby but I’m left w no choice - I will breastfeed her and it isn’t sufficient then they will give formula. How o wish my husband was there with me at that very moment but he has to go to work. That night, he was able to sleep properly while the nurses still have to wake me up during feeding time and wheeled me down to NICU. The next day I got milk already, and it’s enough to feed Mayumi so there are times that they don’t have to give formula to Mayumi anymore, but we still can’t go home since her bilirubin was still 12.8, her pedia advised us for her to stay another night. My breast started to get hard especially the left one coz Mayumi doesn’t like to feed from that side. At least the night shift NICU staff Motoshi was nicer than taslima. She told me to put a hot compress on my breast because if it is hard the baby will not latch. Those nights I’m in constant communication with my sis and mom, there are times I cry silently out of despair, and questioned God why He is letting this happen. 

Finally, we were discharged on April 1^st. We are just so happy to go home and take care of Alexis Mayumi in our own home and comfort. It was nice to have the nurses to help us but nothing feels better when you are finally home.

Just few of her many facial expressions

Looking back, I’m glad that we are both safe and healthy and my baby is thriving, but at the back of my mind, I still wonder, if I were in the Philippines, will the doctors there give the same call? Or would they have me induce? But again, I’m just glad that we are both safe and healthy. Financially, it was a blow in the pocket but we are happy that we are safe and we are now home.

Will blog soon about our first night at home and will continue to blog about my motherhood journey.