Pregnant Chronicles #2: Myths, Beliefs and/or Facts

Like the Philippines and other culture and civilizations in the world, Bangladeshis have their own traditions, beliefs, myths and superstitions regarding pregnancy. We can say we are living in a modern world already but beliefs don’t die just like that. Either it’s purely myths I find it weird because I grew up in a family that don’t believe in superstitious beliefs even if we are aware of those things. My own mom didn’t follow any myths but all 5 of us siblings grew up pretty well and we are all okay.

As soon as people finds out about your pregnancy, you will get tons of “tips and advices”. Others are facts but mostly are myths. You hear a list of “Do’s and Don’ts” but you seldom hear “words of encouragement”. You hear stories about the difficulties of pregnancy but no one will tell you the “joys of pregnancy… With all this things, I wonder why they don’t just advice “don’t get pregnant”. I’m not spared of this things and it’s more annoying if those people are your own family. And it’s weird that you hear these things from “moms” as if they didn’t know or no one told them before that “every pregnancy, every woman is different”. That, what works for you may not work for me and vice versa. I know sometimes they say this things but they mean no harm, but we pregnant women have lots of things to think and worry and be concern about already and it will be a great help if you will not add up to our “pregnancy woes” with your myths and beliefs.

These are the few things I come across with:

Don’t eat pineapple.

My MIL told me this because a pregnant lady had a miscarriage after eating pineapple. This is their conclusion base on what happened and not base on any medical diagnosis. I goggled about it and read that pineapple can cause early contraction but it isn’t included in the “list of food to be avoided during pregnancy”. It’s a good thing that pineapple is not my favorite fruit. How about “pineapple with/and milk”? No one told me it’s bad to eat this two together until I came here in BD. I tried googling about it but I didn’t find any explanation. Apparently, someone died after eating pineapple and/with milk, and again they concluded that’s the cause of death. If someone can clarify this or give veracity regarding this, please do share.

Don’t eat eggplant.

From my Filipino friends, according to them the baby’s skin will not be smooth if you eat eggplant. While from a Filipino-Chinese belief, it will make your baby’s eyes big & round instead of the chinky eyes. The fun part is the way a friend told me about it after posting a picture of eggplant in FB, it’s like a just committed a mortal sin. I just avoided eating eggplant after that, it’s doable anyway since I only want my eggplant cooked as torta or puki-puki which no one here wants to eat it that way. Now I’m thinking does it count when you are not aware that you are pregnant yet? I was not aware that I’m pregnant already last July and it was Ramadan so I’m always eating fried eggplant for iftar. My own mom ate eggplant when she was pregnant also, and again we are all fine and our skin is smooth.

Don’t eat raw/uncooked green papaya.

I know pregnant women should not eat anything raw, but my MIL specifically told me not to eat a raw papaya. Again, she doesn’t know why but she was told not to eat it when she was pregnant herself.  I wonder do the Japanese women stop eating sushi when they are pregnant.

Don’t eat eggs.

Not really “stop eating eggs” but my MIL wants me to lessen eating eggs like one egg per week only. She doesn’t want me to eat too many eggs because one of her relative had a miscarriage for eating too many eggs. And according to her, that was the OB’s diagnosis. While, an ex-colleague told me that her mom made her eat at least two eggs per day and she just gave birth with a healthy baby boy. My take on this is “anything that is too much is bad, pregnant or not. Everything should be eaten in moderation”. My own OB actually t told me I can eat anything as long as I don’t have problem eating. Really, the key is eating in moderation. With all the things my in-laws told me not to eat, funny thing that they didn’t tell me to lessen or stop eating sweets at all. My FIL actually buys ice cream every day for me even if I keep on telling him that I don’t want to eat ice cream. As soon as I reached my 6 months, I actually stop eating rice for dinner and eat only steamed fish with veggies for dinner and, lessen my sugar & sweets.

Don’t buy fish after dusk because the evil spirits will follow you. And don’t go out after 6pm.

To avoid the bad omen or to ward off the evil eye, pregnant women were given some ribbon to tie around their tummies. Our house helper gave me and my husband a wrapped matchbox that she prayed over as our talisman. I just carry it inside my bag so as not to offend her, and there’s no harm in carrying it anyway. Aside from that, I always carry a rosary with me. My faith in God is still stronger than any superstitious belief.

Avoid taking a bath in the evening or you will get sick. That’s 4pm onwards!

Eat leafy vegetables (shak) to have a hairy baby.

Ok, I don’t believe this but I don’t want to have a hairy baby (my husband and FIL wants a hairy baby), so I stop eating shak. There’s already a big chance of having a dark-skin baby, making it hairy will make it worst. It’s fine if the baby is a boy, but I’m having a baby girl, so I prefer a smooth skin please.

Don’t eat anything black like the squid. Eat only white food stuff.

I’m not that fair, my skin-color is “kayumanggi” and so with my husband who is a Bangladeshi. He isn’t black skin but he isn’t fair, and his skin complexion is darker than mine. Even if we have families and relatives who have fair skin, our baby will inherit mine or his skin complexion or it can be a shade of our colors combined. My point is it’s in the genes and not on what I ate or eat while pregnant. I don’t think I will end up having a “white skin baby” if I eat all the white stuff and avoid eating black stuff. It doesn’t work that way. The same way that even if I’m going to rub my niece or nephew’s clothes on my tummy, my baby will not inherit their Chinese skin.

If it is a baby boy, you will look ugly, if it is a baby girl, you will look pretty.

Other people believe the opposite, if it is a boy you will look pretty but if it is a girl you will look ugly because the baby is getting all your beauty. Maybe it’s true, maybe it’s not, and maybe it’s just pure luck or coincidence. But the truth is, no matter what the gender of the baby is, there’s this “pregnant glow” and our looks change because of the way our hormones affects us and also our diet. No matter what we do, our hormones are crazy during pregnancy. That is something we can’t control. What we can control is our diet that is also affected by our hormones, and it takes a lot of commitment to control ones diet especially if we have those cravings. There are women who exert effort to look pretty but there are also some who doesn’t care less of their appearance since they are not feeling well at all to even spend time in front of the mirror. And there are the lucky ones who are just really pretty when they are pregnant. I was irritated when my sister told me that I look ugly now, what more if I’m having a boy. I didn’t argue anymore because I find it useless. Fact 1, even before, we knew that I’m not the prettiest among us 5 siblings, so why it will matter now that I don’t look pretty like her when she was pregnant. Fact 2, I’m not the fairest among us 5, so obviously if I turn darker around my neck, it will be more noticeable than her, right? I just shrug it off, what matters most is that my husband finds me pretty and getting pretties with each passing day. Who cares if other people think I’m ugly, as long as my husband finds me pretty and never fails me to show his love and asked me randomly “why do you look prettier and prettier every day.”

You are so big for your stage.

Again, every pregnancy and every woman are different. I’m petite; I’m almost 5 ft so obviously I will look rounder because I’m short. And, I’m really “tabain” even before getting married. And all pregnant women will gain weight, and will grow big. Even the skinny ones will gain some weight and flesh but since they are skinny to begin with, their weight gain will be minimal or unnoticeable in comparison to someone who is voluptuous in the first place. So please, stop saying “when I was at that stage, I was not that big”, “you look more than your actual week”, and blah blah blah blah. I love my baby bump so it doesn’t matter if I showed-off earlier than you or the others. Maybe because I had an easy first and second trimester that I really didn’t lose weight but actually gained weight because I feel so hungry most of the time and I can eat anything without feeling nauseous or vomiting.

Look only at beautiful people and fair-skin people to have a beautiful baby with fair skin.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And again, my baby’s appearance will not be base on the images/pictures or, the faces that I looked at or stared at – it are all in our genes. I don’t believe in “LIHI”. There’s no proven scientific or medical explanation to that. I told my mom “no matter how long or many times I stare or watch my niece’s pictures and videos, my baby will not look like her because my husband is not Chinese. Even if I stare at an actress picture, my baby will not look like the actress. I can say only this: my baby will be a beautiful one with the combination of my best assets and her daddy’s best assets. She will be beautiful on her own, an international beauty and my Ms. World. And, I’m in Bangladesh, not looking at someone who isn’t fair is next to impossible, and no one is going to stop me from staring at my handsome husband.

The baby will be a genius because she is an Aries as per my in-laws.

Nope, I beg to disagree. My baby will be smart/genius regardless what her horoscope is, simply because she is my baby. Yes, I’m proud to say that. I don’t want to base my baby’s personality and capability according to the astrology. I’m not a hardcore believer on astrology, while I noticed majority of the Bangladeshis are that includes my in-laws.

Enough have been said and shared, and there are still lots of things to say related to pregnancy. Remember that while it can be true for some, it may not necessarily be for all. There are ways of fighting for a good and enjoyable pregnancy. You just have to be like a sieve, letting the non-sense and useless things go away and keeping the better, positive, more encouraging, nevertheless realistic, side of things, just the important and essential things. Learn to shrug it off, and above all, have faith in God that He will never leave you alone.

Here's an excerpt from Rica's blog:

"There's a way to fight what the world says, women. And even men - husbands of these wives; do pray with your ladies. Believe for the best and do everything by faith. Refuse curses and declarations others confess upon you and your body and I dare say there's a way to fight it, but that is only through the Lord who is greater than he who is in the world. Even the book "What To Expect When You're Expecting" poses disclaimers that every pregnancy is unique with symptoms that cannot be ascertained. yet I learned that we can be sure of one thing, and that is I can do this by faith and faith in God alone."

Pregnant Chronicles #1: The Beginning

I’m 27 weeks today, the beginning of the last trimester of my pregnancy journey. And I intend to chronicle it starting this week – my thoughts, the invaluable lessons, and other pregnancy related issues. I would have done it earlier but I delayed it as a respect to my in-laws’ wish of not sharing anything about my pregnancy, except of course with my immediate family and closest friends. As a matter of fact, I share all my pregnancy woes/issues/stories with my family more than with my in-laws , which is normal. It’s something with the Bangladeshi culture where “pregnancy” is something to be a “hush-hush” and not something to be announced widely. This is to avoid any “bad wishers” or the "evil eye". They even consider it a minor illness, I remember one colleague, he never informed us that his wife is pregnant and by the time his wife was on labor and he has to take the leave, he just informed us that his wife is ill and in the hospital. Some Filipinos do the same thing too – just keeping the news within the family.

After two weeks of arriving here in Dhaka, I got pregnant. It’s something that we planned right after we got engaged because I’m not that young anymore and we want to start our family as soon as possible. It’s an answered prayer. Looking at the dates – I conceived on July 3^rd, a few days before that, I was sick and was on medication. I was hoping to be pregnant by then so I was disappointed when my monthly cycle started on the 3^rd. So right after the cycle, we double our efforts, followed some tips & tricks in the hope that we will get it this time. I have fears of “having difficulties in getting pregnant” and “running out of time”, which are why  we followed some tips/tricks, anyway, there’s no harm in doing so.

I started reading Rica’s blog when I found out she is pregnant. And because of what I’ve read in her blog, I was aware of the symptoms of early pregnancy which I slowly notice with my own body 1) tenderness of the breast, 2) changes in the body temperature which worries my Husband thinking I might fall sick again and 3) the implantation or seeding. Good thing I read this seeding in the blog, otherwise I would have think that my cycle started again, a week earlier. All through out, I was also in constant communication with my sister who was pregnant also at that time. By 1^st week of august, I want to take a home pregnancy test already because my suspicion was getting high – my sister advice me to wait for few more days. 

Come August 7^th, I can’t wait anymore so I decided to take the test – and I’m so happy when I saw the 2^nd line appear. It’s like a magic unfolding right in front of you. I was planning to tell the news to my husband the following day as my “anniversary surprise” to him, but he was inside our room waiting for me to come out from the bathroom so he saw the kit in my hand. There goes my advance gift to him. I informed my 2 sisters and mom about the positive results instantly, and the following day, we informed my in-laws. After my first check-up we found out I'm 6 weeks pregnant, I informed the rest of my family, and after another check up where I heard the baby’s heartbeat already, I informed my closest friends.

We were face with the next dilemma – finding a good OBGyne who will support my decision of having a “normal delivery” and not thru “caesarian section” which is the common practice here in Bangladesh. Majority of the child deliveries here are thru “CS” – for some reasons, it’s the choice by the majority of the locals here. We heard stories about 1) OB’s scaring the patient that they will have no choice but to choose CS over normal delivery, 2) the mother is not properly informed about the cons of CS, and they just want the easier way to give birth. Due to this unethical medical practice, I have my own doubts. At the back of my mind, the doctor is taking good care of me but at the same time not helping me much to have a normal delivery. I just felt a little bit at ease when two people I know gave birth recently thru normal delivery. I wish to see their OB but their clinic is far from where I live, so I have no choice but to go to the nearest reputable hospital which is the Apollo. I haven’t heard any good feedback regarding my present OB the same way that there’s no negative feedback about her also. So for now, I’m sticking with her. In general, OB’s here are distant and cold. They don’t really explained things to you unless you ask them. And it seems they don’t really build a “relationship” with their patients, unlike in the Philippines. I did inform my OB that I prefer normal delivery and her reply was she don’t force her patients to go for CS, if they think they can handle the labor pain then they can have normal delivery. Well, it’s good to know that the decision is mine; I just pray that she is helping me with this one.

Well, I did prepare myself before getting pregnant. As soon as I got engaged, I went to my sister’s OB to have myself vaccinated with MMR. I started drinking folic acid also a few months before I got married. These plus healthy married life and of course prayer helps us get pregnant.