Random Thoughts

This is it!
Nope, I'm not getting married yet but somehow it feels like that. Though I never had an experience getting married, I think the excitement that I was feeling yesterday and even today maybe similar to what I will feel during my wedding. I'm going home for my vacation and this time, H is coming home with me. It's time for him to meet my family, and luckily it will not be just my immediate family. He will get the chance to meet my aunts, uncles, cousins from both sides because my nephew is celebrating his 1st Birthday. Yes, it's a mini reunion of sort.

I've been dreaming and hoping for this time to come, for him to finally meet my family especially my parents, in person. It's hard to arrange the schedule because 1) my mom, together with my youngest sister lives in the US, 2) his work schedules doesn't allow him to take long leaves and 3) our present situation doesn't allow us. But, God is really good, after years of praying for this time to come, it's finally happening. For me, this is one big development especially from his part.

Looking back, the first time I met H, he was in a relationship and he was very vocal in saying that "he isn't the marrying type and he doesn't want to get married at all, it's not his cup of tea and it's not in his vocabulary". Maybe, that's one reason why his past relationship didn't work out. Who, in her right mind, would want to continue a relationship with a guy who doesn't want to settle down at all, right?

Knowing this fact, that he is not the marrying type while I'm the hopeless romantic who dreams of the most romantic proposals and the most intimate,fun wedding - totally complete opposites not only in that aspect, I still took my chances with him. Maybe I was blind by love or maybe because I accepted that maybe it isn't my faith to be married at all.Or, maybe because I was not that serious with the relationship anyway, thinking that maybe it's just infatuation (haha! at my age!!) or maybe I just want companionship while I'm working here...or maybe I'm not really sure. That time, I was ok with this facts. I was okay with the idea that I'm not going to settle down with this guy, I don't want to settle down here in the first place. But, deep inside me was actually hoping that he will marry me, who would want to spend all her effort and give all her love to someone temporary anyway? Someone told me before, that if you enter into relationship without even wishing of settling down with that person, then you are just looking for fun and fling.And, I always remember that.

Few months into our relationship or I think it's right after our 1st anniversary, out of nowhere, H just whispered to my ear "I want to marry you". I turned my head and looked into his eyes and asked him what he just said. And again, he said the same thing while looking at my eyes, "I want to marry you. I don't want to lose you". Of course, that was not a wedding proposal, it can't be. There was no ring.That time, it was a big development from someone who doesn't believe in marriage, for someone who doesn't want to get married at all. Knowing that he wants to marry me was enough for me, it is until now enough for me. But now, the next question is when? And that question is waiting to be answered, as to when until now i don't know.And I'm dying inside to know when....