8 Ways to a Finance - Savvy Marriage

I love reading Patty laurel's blog, it's refreshing, fun, light but full of tips. So, while browsing her blog because I wasn't able to read it regularly as I'm busy with wedding preps, I saw this article and I know it is something I can adapt also to my married life.

Posted by Patty Laurel on March 1, 2013

 

By Stella Pastores-Esquivias    

1. Income – Savings = Expenses. This formula throws away the more common albeit askew, Income – Expenses = Savings. The most prevalent mistake people commit these days is to set aside only the “crumbs” of our money—and on peak seasons like December, we end up saving none. This should never be the case. As soon as you get your money, it is wisest to set aside a certain amount for savings before you spend the whole thing at the mall ;)

2. Generally, savings must be at least 6 months’ worth of your salary. The truth is, there is really no hard-and-fast rule on the amount or percentage of income that you should be keeping as savings. In a finance seminar I attended, the speaker told us that we should keep an amount that satisfies us mentally, emotionally, and psychologically. If you’re looking for a specific benchmark, though, I find that for newlyweds, having an amount equal to (at least) 6 months’ of your individual salary is good enough. This is your “safety net” in case something unexpected comes up, and you or your spouse cannot earn as usual.

3. Open a joint account but keep your individual accounts. As a married couple, it is a must that you have at least one joint account under your names. Your wealth, after all, belongs to the both of you as one unit. Use the funds in your joint account for common expenses like household bills, insurance premiums, vacations, etc. That said, I think it is equally vital to maintain your separate accounts. Why? Because inevitably, you and your spouse will have expenses that are “unique” to each of you, and you would want the freedom to be able to pay for those yourself (ie, salon treatments for the wives!). Of course, this doesn’t mean you have to reject your partner’s offers for a treat. The point is simply that you have some legroom for your separate interests (or even luxuries!) without having to feel guilty that you took a lot from the common fund. This empowers both individuals in the marriage and helps keeps the peace at home, too!

4. Stick to a budget. More accurately, set a household budget for the family as well as a personal budget for your individual expenses. And honor it! J Setting a budget isn’t a matter of just plucking a random amount and calling it your limit every month. It’s a little more complicated than that. Wise budgeting involves recognizing the lifestyle you are used to vis-a-vis the lifestyle that would suit you as a couple; being honest about each other’s financial situation; setting financial priorities and goals together; and agreeing on expenses that can be put on hold. Feel free, however, to leave one or two “sacred” things that you can leave out of the budget and can splurge on, such as food, a special getaway, or your kids’ education.

5. Who’s in charge of paying the bills? This is a simple rule of thumb as it is painfully practical. Between you and your partner, designate the one who will be responsible in physically settling your bills. Ideally, this should be the partner who can better remember due dates, can keep bills and receipts, can keep track of expenses—generally, the more OC one ;)

6. Do NOT ever get into credit card debt. Live within your means. See Rules #1 and #4. If this is too late, prioritize paying off ALL your debts as soon as possible. This prevents the compounding of monthly interests, not to mention finally enjoying better sleep!

7. Invest. Please get rid of the misconception that investments are only for people who have “extra money”. On the contrary, good investments should benefit those who don’t have a lot… or, in the case of newlyweds, those who are just about to begin life together! Don’t be afraid to talk to a financial adviser or your bank account manager for this. There may be ways to put your hard-earned money into an investment product that can yield higher profit than, say, a regular savings account.

8. Know your tax benefits as a married couple. Do you know that you can make deductions to your income tax if you declare yourself as head of the family? Yes oh yes! Other deductions may also be available to you, so be sure to know your tax rights :)


Being financially stable as an individual is challenging enough; add another person into the equation and the task may seem a little more difficult. The good news is that this “other person” is your better half, and so the journey to financial freedom and stability should be a happy, adventurous one! :) Love, Stella

Visit Stella's blog here. 

Random Thoughts

I’m on the last leg of our wedding preparations and I’m so eager to finish this and get over with it. It is fun preparing for your own wedding but it gives me lots of stress also, and sad fact, the stressor is within your circle. Minor things for them but big thing for you because it’s your wedding and you are the one paying for it, and you have a budget to follow. Even if I want to stay longer here, the stressor makes me want to leave the soonest possible time too.

In 2 and half months time, I’m going back to Dhaka. I’m going to start a new life as a wife, in a foreign land. I’m not new to Dhaka but the situation this time is different. I’m not going there as an expatriate. I will not have the luxuries I used to have when I was still working. I will just be a local resident and will have to live the lifestyle that my husband can provide. I know he is capable in providing a good life for me and to our future family, but I’m scared of the unknown.

It feels like I’m entering a tunnel where the darkness slowly creeps in and the light at the other end is so far. I’m afraid of the unknown, but I have to take this road. I know my husband will be with me every step of the way, and he will do his best to support me, guide me and guard me. I just need to be strong too.

A Trip To CFO

We plan to settle in Bangladesh after the church wedding, and apart from the wedding preparations, I’m also busy preparing all my documents.

I already updated my SSS and I hope I will receive my new ID before I leave for Bangladesh. Next is my passport. I plan to renew it using my married name before applying for Bangladesh Visa so that I will have an official ID with my married name already.

I’m glad I checked the DFA Passport Appointment schedule already to book an appointment because I found out that the earliest available date in DFA Megamall is April 11 while in Robinson’s galleria is April 18. I Decided to book the April 11 and applied for rush processing which will take a week instead of the regular processing which will take 15 working days. And as soon as I will get my passport, I will apply for my "Dependent Visa". I need a "Letter of Financial Support" from my husband address to the Bangladesh Embassy for this one.

But, renewing passport for me is not as easy as others again, just because I’m a “spouse of a foreign national”. Aside from the Report of Marriage Copy from NSO, I need to present a “Commissionof Filipino Overseas (CFO) Guidance and Counselling Certificate of Attendance”. This is required for first time applicants or renewal who will use their married name for the first time.

What is this? At first, I thought it’s just another unnecessary “money-making scheme” and additional hassle, but when I went there yesterday, I found out that the main purpose of this is to protect the welfare of the Filipino women who will get married to a foreigner or who are married to a foreigner who will migrate to another country. If POEA is after the welfare of the overseas Filipino workers, CFO is after the welfare of the Filipino Migrants. In the Guidance & Counselling, the counselors are checking that the marriage is legit and not just a case of human trafficking or a mail-order bride. Though I feel that I don’t really need this, it will be tougher for them to monitor if there are exceptions in the rules, that’s why they require all women with foreigner spouse to attend this counselling.

It's sad to hear stories about the women's struggles in their married life while leaving in another country. And yes, there are still cases of mail-order-bride and human trafficking. Most of the victims are the non-educated women from the far-flung provinces, the innocent women who fell in love to a wrong guy, women who wants to go to another country. But there are some cases also of women who were not able to adjust to the intercultural relationship and marriage. 

The office opens at 630am, but I went there around 9am even if the schedule for the counselling is at 2-5pm because they have a quota per day. My whole day was spent only in CFO. I had a one-on-one interview with the counselor. They asked about my relationship with H, it’s like sharing our love story to them. Then, after that, I’m advised to have my lunch first and be back by 130pm for the group guidance and counselling session. The session is group according to categories and country. My group is under "Fiancees/Spouses/Other Partners of Foreign National from Asia Pacific Countries". I really don’t find it educational for me anymore because it isn’t my first time to live in Bangladesh, or my first time to meet my husband and the in-laws. I have adjusted to the Bangladesh life and I know married life is another adjustment regardless whichever part of the world you will live. After the session, my certificate was given to me since according to my counselor; she didn't find any issues with my status or my documents. This counselling is once in lifetime only unless you will have a new petitioner and you will have to leave from the Philippines again.

After I get my Dependent Visa, I will have to go back to CFO to have my passport stamp with the Emigrant seal.

Wedding Preps Updates: Suppliers and other things

Updating this entry, 2 months, 1 week and 6 days to go before the big wedding. And I decided to use #biye051813 for IG entries. Another good news, tickets are booked :-)

Three months, 2 weeks, and 4 days to go and it will be our big day.
How far am i in the wedding preparations? Here's the checklist of suppliers:

1. Ceremony: Our Lady of Mt. Carmel
2. Reception venue: Oasis - Orchard Ballroom
3. Reception Food & Decor :  RichGold, we already discussed initial detailings, will meet again a month before the wedding to finalize things together with the OTD
3. OTD coordinator: Events Malditas
4. Photographer: Bryan Yap
5. Videographer: Aisle 1401
6. Lights and sounds: c/o Oasis
7. Designer for bride and entourage: Jef Albea
8. Hair and make-up: Irene Manigo
9. Wedding rings: Aireen Mistica, got our rings too but maybe will send it back for resizing
10. Flowers: Headbands and Headbands - send the pegs, awaiting for the sample before proceeding for productiom
11. Emcee: Missy Ferrer-Litao - she gave her program and I already included my inputs, will discuss again for final flow of program
12. LCD and projector: c/o Oasis
13. Wedding Cake: c/o Oasis (Hearts and Bells) gave the peg already
14. Cake topper: Khristine Borbe, got it! and I love it :-)
15. Photobooth: c/o oasis (Pose and Print), I have an idea for the lay-out, will discuss it with them two months before the wedding
16. Invitations: Wink - got the sample, will email them for mock-up sample  got the 80 pieces invitations already, put the envelope linings too and I'm ready to do the simple lettering before distributing.
17. Preps Venue: Discovery Suites
18. Confirmed officiator: my uncle, Mnsgr. Roque Reyes
19. Souvenirs: picture from photobooth, kissing bells, teabag
20. Gifts for principal sponsors and officiator: Bangladesh Tea
21. Candles: Got it from Mt. Carmel already, I will decorate it when the wedding is near
22. Cord: hand-me-down from my sister and added our initials
23. Arrhae: my parents arrhae that was used also by my sister, will have to give for electroplating
24. Dessert Buffet Bar: PurpleDish (from W@W Auction), I'm still waiting for a date with them!!!
25. Missalette: edited it already and will just send it for printing
26. Quartet: Manila String Machine, I already emailed our choices of Music - and Theodore already checked and okayed the music selections.
27. Guestlist - done with my 100 guests list.

Yes! Even on my own, I was able to accomplished a lot! But I still have other things to book and awaiting for decision and confirmation from my H. Those are:

1. Bridal car - i'm thinking of just renting a Car for Hire instead of getting a Bridal Car  bought a Mercedes benz C180 Groupon voucher worth P2895 for 4 hours plus P750 for additional fuel, inclusive of the driver, supplier is G Luxury Cars c/o Sir Gabs
2. Groom's transportation - looking for a van
3. Hotel Accommodations where H and his family will stay before the wedding   booked GoHotel already
4. Hotel Accommodations and Car transportation for our Ilocos Itinerary
5. Lechon - my MIL's special request, will get it from Elar's

The DIY's:
1. Growing up AVP - target date APRIL
2. Table numbers  already printed and I'm happy with it
3. Guest sheet/ guest book printed 50 pieces already and will add more after our prenup pictorial, will use the ready made template i Made
4. ring and coin pillows - I gave it to a friend already, just waiting for them to finish it its with me already and i liked it :-) so unique

Documents:
1. Posted the Wedding Banns already and will get it on February 20th, will submit it to the chancery together with the Marriage Certificate from NSO - got the result of the wedding banns already but I need to go back to Mt. carmel because the groom's name is incomplete.
2. Photocopy of the Priest Celebret ID and CRASM

On the other hand, I already change my status and name in SSS and SunLife. But I haven't been to Pagibig headoffice to file for Permanent Departure from the Country as I don't have plans of continuing my Pagibig contribution. I will apply for a new passport by April and will inquire about Bangladesh visa too. I'm not sure if I can apply for "No Visa Required" here since I'm married to a bangladeshi citizen or if I still have to apply for tourist visa and will just apply for NVR in Bangladesh. I have to apply for "dependent visa", will do this after i 'm done with my passport renewal but before that, I have to get a Guidance & Counselling Certificate of Attendance from the Commission on Filipino Overseas! Will make a separate entry regarding this passport renewal for spouse of foreign national.

As early as now, I'm ready to let go and let God. I just want all my invited guests to be there both in the ceremony and not just in the reception. I will definitely miss planning for a wedding but I also want to be done with it hehe! :-)

Welcome Year 2013

How time flies... it feels like it's only yesterday (February 2012) when H proposed to me and then I started preparing for our May 2013 wedding. I was counting a year of preparation and now i'm down to 4 months and 17 days. I'm excited for so many reasons.

Lots of "life changing" things happened in the year 2012. Some of it were good and others were not so good but I learned to see the "good" in goodbyes and learned the lesson too. I'm thankful for everything, both the high and the low. 

HIGH:

• my engagement to H
• family reunion last February 
• hongkong trip with my family
• Trip to Disneyland :-) :-) :-)
• H & I's first out of the country trip together and his first time to meet my family 
• my nephew and my niece celebrated their 1st birthday
• met new friends and cyberpal
• quality time with my Philippine based family and friends
• danced in public after 15 years to the tune of "Gangnam Style"

LOW:

• end of my work contract - but because of this, I have more time with my family, friends and my wedding preps.

Missing Bangladesh and the Festivities

Bangladesh may not be the best country to live in nor a place to tour, but it has its own charm, if only you open your eyes and mind, you will be enchanted by this small and young country too. What I miss most of Bangladesh aside from the friends and family I left there, is the winter season from late November to early March. It's a very pleasant weather. In the city, the temperature gets cold like Baguio City during the 80's, while in the hilly parts, it gets too cold that people die because of the cold temperature.

Early morning winter, it's getting denser.

And since it's winter there, it's also considered the "Wedding Month". One of H's cousin is set to get married this month. They already held their "holud" last wednesday and the wedding is today.

The engaged couple wears yellow or orange for the Holud 

Holud is one of the many festivities in connection of a wedding celebration. It's commonly practice in Muslim religion and Hindu religion, and it became a Bengali Tradition. Some Christians/Catholics adapts this celebration also, but I have yet to attend a Holud for a Christian or catholic couple.

Holud is a bangla word for turmeric and it's also the bangla word for color yellow. Traditionally, holud for the groom and for the bride is celebrated separately, but nowadays, people celebrate it together. It's similar to a bridal shower or to a stag party without the "hanky-panky" or "kinky games" or "naughty games". In Holud, the couple are usually dress in color yellow or orange traditional bengali clothes, and the family members’ clothes are also color coded, and the guests are expected to wear something yellow or orange too. The couple are seated on the stage where guests will have to scrub them with turmeric paste or spread the turmeric paste in any expose skin of the couple, and feed them with sweets afterwards. This practice is the “cleansing of the couple” before they enter the married life. If we look at it, it’s similar to the confession we do prior to the wedding celebration. We have to be clean before we face the Lord and the church community and accepts the Sacrament of matrimony.

Sometimes, they also prepare a program of dancing and singing.

Dance presentation during gaye holud of another cousin

In H's family, they don't practice this tradition, that's why we didn't have a Holud party, but if given a choice and chance, I want to experience the Bengali traditions also, but definitely, I will have a "Boubhat party".

My second time to wear a saree at my staff's holud party. (2008)

Tradition is a guide and not a jailer. - W. Somerset Maugham

Another thing that I will miss this winter season is the "mustard field" in bloom.

He don't bring me flowers anymore, but he made sure to give me a field of flowers.

Last winter, H and his family planned a trip to the village so that I can see and have a picture in the mustard field. This one was just a small patch of mustard field, but nevertheless, it was awesome. They say dark spirits lurk around the mustard field that's why they find it weird that I want to go and see and have a picture in the mustard field. 

Pre-Cana Seminar

Pre-Cana or Preparation for Marriage Counselling is a requirement in a Church wedding. Since H and I are based overseas, we requested from the Chancery of Cubao to allow us to have our pre-cana abroad.

Bibaho Prostuti Shohaika (Marriage Preparation Help)

Our pre-cana was administered by a seminarian. And there were times that the discussion was awkward since there were topics that are “taboo” in BD like the sexuality and family planning. We had a one hour session every night from 730pm to 830pm for 5 consecutive nights. It’s a good thing that it was Ramadan during that time, the roads going to the church were traffic free all the time, that it took us 30minutes from the house to the church, and 45minutes from the church to the house which usually takes 1 hour and more during regular days. We consider it our “date” too because we go out for coffee or snacks after the session before going home.

During the seminar, I’m so proud with H because he shared lots of things. He is a man of few words and he doesn’t talk about his emotions but during the seminar, he opened up and shared in the topic too. I want to share what we had discussed in the 5 nights seminar.

1^st session: the seminarian, Brother Ronald Costa, discussed what Marriage is. He asked H and me why we decided to get married and why we want to marry each other. Marriage is a covenant as God is present in it, and it is the first vocation. I can’t recall anymore our answers but H mentioned that he decided to marry me because he wants to spend the rest of his life with me already, he doesn’t want to wait for the weekend for us to see each other but he wants to see me before going to sleep and as soon as he wakes up.

We talked about the 7 Sacraments too and of course I memorized the 7 sacraments that’s why when I can’t complete the 7 sacraments, I made sure to Google it once I reach home. And of course, I’m correct, I already did mentioned the 7 sacraments but Brother Ronald made a mistake by telling me that Matrimony and Holy Orders are one.

Before we ended the 1^st session, he gave us an assignment. We have to write 5 Good Qualities and 5 Bad Qualities of each other and we will discuss it next session.

2^nd Session: We discussed first the 5 qualities. I was surprised I wasn’t able to write 5 bad qualities of H. He isn’t perfect but I can’t seem to find any bad qualities except the obvious hehe. And I was worried that he will be able to write 5 bad qualities of me. We didn’t discuss further with our good qualities, Brother Ronald just reminded us to continue with our good qualities. On the other hand, we discussed the bad qualities and what are the possible causes of it and if we can fix our bad qualities. And well, our bad qualities are fixable.

Brother Ronald shared to us the ingredients to a Happy Conjugal Life: faithfulness, respect to each other, full consent both intellect and will, accepting each other, belief in God and to each other, praising/appreciation of each other, open and constant communication, living according to our means (family budget), healthy sexual life, quality time for each other and forgiveness.

The 3^rd session was awkward since the discussion is about the reproductive system and sex. H didn’t share much during the discussion because he is uncomfortable with the topic. While me, I find it uncomfortable because I’m talking to a Bangladeshi. Yes, they are also advocates of Natural Planning and Brother Ronald reiterated that many times during the session. At the same time, he mentioned to us to be responsible parents and to cultivate a loving relationship with our spouse.

The 4^th session, we talked about family spiritual life. It’s not only the physical body that needs nourishment; our spirit/soul needs nourishment too. We need to pray, attend the mass regularly and do good. We have to balance our time, time for self, time for spouse, time for kids and time for others. We have to be the role model to our children and nourish them according to the teaching s of the Church.

The 5^th session was just a review of the whole session and giving of certificates.

The pre-cana class may not be the best session but nevertheless, it enlightened us about married life, our responsibilities to each other and to our family. H is now much aware that he really needs to be more supportive of me especially that I don’t have my family and friends in BD. He is my support and my beacon.

"I take you to be my Best Friend, my faithful Partner, and my one True Love. I promise to encourage you and inspire you and to love you truly through good times and bad. I will forever be there to laugh with you, to lift you up when you are down and to love you unconditionally through all of our adventures in life together."