One month to go and I will be back in Manila. It’s not a planned vacation. It is actually not part of any of my plans. I’m a type of person who plans things ahead of time or maybe it’s more of day dreaming the future. It has its uncertainties as no one can predict what the future will bring but it relaxes me knowing that I have plans. I will do things and try to do things in the present that will come out with the end result that I planned. But, life is always changing; change as they say is the only thing constant in life. Sometimes, changes happens upon your decision which is always good because you can still plan ahead with the changes that you are planning but there are also changes by other forces, and that is inevitable and most of the time will leave you off-guard.
The owner of the company where I used to work made a wrong business strategy and decisions that cause the company a big loss and is now facing financial crisis. Because of this present scenario of the company, whose financial standing is not getting better yet, they decided to cut my service as I was the most expensive employee they had. And my boss told me the news at a very “ideal” time – a day before I go home for my quarterly leave. I was devastated. All my plans were ruined. I am prepared to leave the company by the end of November this year because my work permit is valid until then. I had prepared for it, arranged my budgeting, arranged my schedules accordingly, and I even got a new job offer from a different company exactly after my work permit/contract ends. But things changed, and it was devastating. I was upset and even shedding tears during my flight from Dhaka to Singapore. I feel lost; lots of things were in my mind. I am glad that my share for the wedding expenses is already covered because I have savings for that. My only worry is my other responsibilities. What will happen to me, to papa whom I’m supporting (his medications), and to my sister whom I share the apartment in manila? My vacation that’s supposed to be a happy vacation because I’m going to do the first leg of our wedding preparation was tarnished by this sad news. I’m glad I have a supportive family. They cheered me up and even told me that at least I will be able to focus in my wedding preps, I will be able to relax after all I’m not happy working anymore under the new management. And, there’s a job offer also for me this December from another company, so I just have to worry 4 months of unemployment –July to November. That is the silver lining – a time for wedding preps and freedom from the work/company burden.
I thought everything was okay. Until recently, the December job offer is cancelled. They told me they have to move the date because the company’s organogram is not fulfilled yet. There’s no COO yet so the business can’t be operational yet. So, they will move it again next year, latest will be August and the earliest they can’t assure me. I was again upset by this change. That is a year to wait, and things can happen in between. It’s something that I can’t really hold on to. So, now, we have to re-plan our next move. That means 9 months of separation, 9 months of long distance relationship and 9 months in the Philippines. Looking for a job here is not easy, especially that I don’t speak Bangla, and I need to find a job that will allow me to go home still in time for my wedding. Jobs abroad are not also feasible for the same reason. I need to find a job that will allow me to go home to Manila next May for my wedding. So the best option is to stay in Manila and look for a job there. Of course the pay will not commensurate what I used to receive here or what will I Receive in OFW contracts, but it is a job that will help me with my daily expenditures/necessities and will let me stay in manila also. H is also worried. I without a job is not helpful. He can support me but it is better if we both have work. And, he wants me to have financial freedom too. I re-packed my things again, ready for shipment. I can’t leave my business clothes here anymore because I won’t be back until next year. And if I have a good job there, then I might stay for a little longer after the wedding too. H is upset and so with his parents and cousin. I feel sad but at the same time happy that I will be spending more time in the Philippines before I settle down here. And who knows, maybe we will end up settling down in the Philippines.
At this stage, my life is full of question mark. Sometimes, there is exclamation point but more of commas. I don’t know why this thing is happening to me, to us. H is also facing a hard time in looking for a job because the previous boss ruined his reputation while the present boss, unknowingly tarnished H’s reputation also by implication. This coming 9 months will be the longest time that H and I will be away from each other. Not by hours, by roads, by buildings but by oceans. We will be in two different countries with two hours time difference. Sometimes I asked, are we doing the right thing? Is getting married now the right choice? Are we each other’s bad luck that’s why these things are happening? Sometimes I think, we are just about to start our life together and we are already facing challenges. Is our love for each other strong enough for us to withstand the challenges that are coming our way? I’m scared what our married life will be if I will not get a job, but I’m not scared of leaving him here. I’m not scared of the separation. I’m confident with our love. The 9 months is nothing compared to a lifetime with him.
So, what is the silver lining now? I will have more time to spend with my family, more time to play with my nephew and niece, and more time to enjoy Philippines before I settle down. After 4 years, I will celebrate Christmas in the Philippines with my family, celebrate New Year, experience the Holy Week, maybe get a chance to attend my Highschool reunion and enjoy life and have fun the Filipino way after all it's more fun in the Philippines! :-). After 11 years of working, this is my time to relax a bit, savor the moment and enjoy the last few months of being a bachelorette. I just have to find a job to help me with my expenses.
"There are no accidents - if it's appeared on your life radar, this is why: To teach you that dreams come true; to reveal that you have the power to fix what's broken and heal what hurts; to catapult you beyond seeing with just your physica senses; and to lift the veils that have kept you from seeing that you are already the person you dreamed you'd become. - Bo Sanchez"
1 comment:
Think of it as a challenge, a test of your love and determination. It's not the easiest but I know that God does not give us a situation we cannot get out of. Going through this challenge will not only make you a stronger person, but also a better person. Hang in there.
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