While bloghopping, saw this article from Lovingly Crafted , and I want to share it here also. It's written 25 Ways but i counted 26 :-)
25 Ways to Keep the Music Playing by Lucy Torres-Gomez
1. Dream together. It is fun, and empowering. Dreaming makes for a happy, positive space in the mind, and propels you, no matter how subliminally, to move forward towards making them come true. Dream small dreams, dream big ones. Just connect and be in synch and dream together.
2. Make your home a happy home. Let it be a space where your man can retreat to after a busy day, a place where he can just relax and be himself and not have to worry about messing up how picture perfect everything must be. Allow him to put his feet up in the coffee table, to dump stuff on the nice couch, to make a mess in the kitchen. Let it pass when he forgets to put something back in its place. Just do it yourself instead of running after him, nagging about why he forgot for the nth time.
3. Keep yourself attractive. And interesting. We’ve all seen it happen countless times. The cat’s in the bag and you slowly decide to stop putting your best foot forward. Don’t let go of the very things that made him fall for you in the first place, physically and otherwise. This is not shallow, it is essential. Also, pursue interests and passion outside that of your man’s. When you come together at the end of the day you will have much to share with each other.
4. Smell good. Always. Why do you think we involuntarily close our eyes with a smile the moment we bury our nose in the neck of a sleeping baby? Because the joy is so sheer, but so real. And it’s so good you’ll want to do it over and over again. Think about that. No man would want to kiss a woman who smells of kitchen spices, especially when she was not even slaving in the kitchen in the first place.
5. Never take each other for granted. That applies for things both big and small, but especially small because those are the ones that pile up to potentially become an ominous mountain.
6. Be gentle, especially with criticism. Naturally at some point, because you strive to inspire each other to be better individuals, you will have to tell each other where you have gone wrong. After that, move on.
7. Do not have a Plan B. Marriage is for keeps. Do not go into it with the mindset that if it does not work, you have many options for a way out. If you start out thinking that way, already you are programming yourself that somewhere in the future, it will fall apart. And when that happens you will not even work so hard at picking up the pieces because you will simply deploy the Plan B you’ve had all along. It is better to go at marriage with a zest and verve that spells “great expectations” because most of the time in this game called life, you really do get what you expect.
8. Argue. Discuss. Fight. By all means, do all that. But do not stop loving each other through it all. It is healthy to disagree, but do so like the loving adult couple that you are. You can rise above any discussion intact and in one piece. When these things happen, give each other space to breathe and process what has been said. You will need a little time apart, even if it is just in different corners in the room. In short, know when to shut up and recognize that moment when all that needs to be said has already been said.
9. Cuddle in bed at night. And don’t forget to smile, and kiss, and hug each other. Do that when you begin your day, and also when you end your night. And every chance you get in between. These random acts will keep the fire burning. Get used to it so that you will miss it when it’s not there. Take advantage of the joy of text messaging. It is like being given the freedom and the chance to constantly write little love notes to each other.
10. Don’t lose yourself in the other person. Stay true to who you are, have a little life outside of his. He did not choose you so that he will have a shadow, a female version of himself. Celebrate your diversities, they will make for entries in that long list of why you love each other.
11. Eat together. Cook together. There is something about food and love that work very well together.
12. Pray over your man while he is sleeping. And love him in a relaxed, happy manner. You are not Bantay, the dog. You have a life to live, things to do, a household to run. You have to trust your man, the sanctity of your marriage vows, and believe that when it comes to temptation, God’s grace begins where his self-control may end. It is useless and disrespectful to yourself when you spend all your energy monitoring his whereabouts. Trust that he knows when he has a good thing going, and believe he will not do anything stupid to jeopardize that. Love is not about being suspicious or paranoid. That is no way to love.
13. Do not make marriage a license for him to always see you at your worst. Do not be so “natural” that you will go down and have dinner with his friends with your facemask on, in your duster, with uncombed hair. Do not pick your nose or let out gas and think it is cute and/or funny, and that he will think it is cute and/or funny. These are things that only kids under eight years old can get away with.
14. Love is an everyday commitment. Yes, it is an everyday decision. You wake up each day reaffirming the fact that nothing can and will take that love away. Make that part of your daily prayer.
15. Feel free to admire others openly. But tell him that he can look only, no touch. You do not have to take offense when your man finds someone else attractive. It just means a) he has good taste (if the woman is indeed pretty) or b) it is a full moon and he will snap out of his delirium soon enough (if the object of admiration is far from, shall we say and for lack of a better word, admirable). He may be having one of those days, similar to our version of PMS. Do not make “a” or “b” a reason to fight, or even so much as argue.
16. Get used to being affectionate. Be vocal about how you feel for each other, too. They are like talismans. A hug always feels good. Words heal. Use both in the best way possible, many, many times, all the time
17. Remember that your man does not have a crystal ball. The silent treatment will bring forth nothing but, you guessed it, silence. Tell him what is on your mind, and get it over with. Then you can move forward instead of steeping in (oftentimes unfounded) negative feelings of rejection, resentment, hurt.
18. Listen to great old love songs. At the risk of sounding like a broken record I highly recommend Rod Stewart’s “Great American Songbook Volumes I-IV.” Tony Bennett, too. And OPM. I can listen to those songs forever and ever. Sadly, the new generation of love songs (the greater lot of them, anyway) suffer from a poverty of thoughts; after the brilliant first stanza and if you’re lucky, a sparkling chorus, too, everything just sort of repeats and gets soggy and sappy towards the end, like they worried more about the words rhyming than they ever did the message). Somehow, they just don’t hold up as well as the old songs do where, long after the last line has been breathlessly sung, you still think about the words, and the thoughts they leave in your mind. And in a strange and unexpected way it makes you understand and appreciate your own love story better, and more. A good song has the power of making you feel all woozy and mushy and grateful to have someone to love and who loves your right back. It is a personal experience always. Don’t ask me how or why, it is just is.
19. Make time for what you choose to have in your life. Nothing comes from nothing. If you want intimacy and close ties with your loved one, spend time with him/her. Lots of time. Talk, and laugh, and build memories together. There are no shortcuts here.
20. Fan an interest in what your man does. You can drift apart if you have nothing in common.
21. Spirituality is important. Do not underestimate that. I will not be preachy here but suffice to say that making God a part of your marriage makes it more than just a little bit great.
22. For those with children: Do not be a great mother at the expense of being a great wife. You should not expend so much energy on the children that you do not have any left for your spouse.
23. Have loving conversations. Always.
24. Be affectionate, encouraging, and warm.
25. Do not be too breathless with life. Watch your pace. Physical exhaustion from all of life’s busyness will zap the romance.
26. Do not sweat the small stuff. Period. Really. It just is not worth it.
Sunday, August 4, 2013
Saturday, June 22, 2013
W@W Peer Award Nominee: Most OC
I'm a proud member of this online forum called Weddings at Work or W@W for short. Most of the time, I'm just in the sideline, joining EB if I get invited, answering queries that I can answer, sharing thoughts if I believe my thoughts are worth sharing, I gained some friends but I’m not vying for Ms. Congeniality nor qualified for a Popularity contest as most of the time, I’m just a spectator, follower, observer and a quiet member. So, I was so surprised when I’m nominated for “Most OC” award. Of course, it’s flattering because you can only get nominated if someone notices you, right? And whoever nominated me, made the right choice. I may not agree most of the time that I’m an “OC” person, but deep inside me I know, I have that “OCness” not only as a bride but as a whole person.
I’m
done with our wedding, but I will be forever thankful to my fellow wawies, the
weddingsatwork community and to the founders Didda Abet and Mimma Benz Rana. I
used to be get star struck at Mimma, but now, she is one of my sissies :-)
While
the hype is up and high, this is my “campaign speech”
6am Bangladesh time and
what good news: I am nominated for "most OC award"! Thank you for
nominating me, I’m flattered :-) but really I’m not OC - you can ask my honey! I
just want things to be organized, to be in order, I want every detail as much
as possible to be in sync, and I want things to be in their proper places. I’m
not obsessed with it but it upsets me if things are disarray. I want things to
be in groupings because life is easier if things are organize. I'm not an OC
bride or person; I only live in "Organized Chaos" :-) please cast
your votes now and please vote for "Peachy ni Alvin" for Most OC Award
And you can check my
previous post that made my friend realized that I’m “too organized person” http://mpreyes.blogspot.com/2009/10/lp-80-masinop.html
Some pictures that maybe made them think I'm an OC
On the other hand, I'm campaigning also for my friend for the "People's Choice Award". Please go to the link and "LIKE" their pictures.
Saturday, June 15, 2013
Random Updates
Our wedding was done and I'm back here in Dhaka, Bangladesh.
Still so many things to do and update:
1. Write my Supplier's Review
2. Update stories here in the blog
3. Unpack my things. Arrange the room and organize our things.
4. Prepare for the 2nd wedding reception here...
For the meantime, I want to share this article :-) http://8list.ph/index.php/site/articles/8-signs-you-are-in-a-filipino-wedding-255
Still so many things to do and update:
1. Write my Supplier's Review
2. Update stories here in the blog
3. Unpack my things. Arrange the room and organize our things.
4. Prepare for the 2nd wedding reception here...
For the meantime, I want to share this article :-) http://8list.ph/index.php/site/articles/8-signs-you-are-in-a-filipino-wedding-255
Sunday, May 5, 2013
His and Hers
1 week and 6 days before my wedding day.
There are few things left to be done, one of them is the guest list as Filipinos are really not into RSVP. And worst, the people who didn't RSVP yet are from my family hehehe!
I want to share our not so ordinary love story.
HIS LOVE STORY
I’m getting married!!!! That’s right….. Finally I have decided to get hitched and I’m really excited about it. I have been toying around with this decision for quite some time now and I know that it's time finally. According to me the goal that I had set for myself before I settle down was always to be able to support my family, my future wife and never ever be a burden to my parents financially. The practice of getting married and living of the parents is quite common in Bangladesh. It's termed as living in the “Father’s Hotel”. In some instances, the wedding expenses are all borne by the parents and the couple tries to make it on their own after that. However, I abhor this practice. I think a guy has no right to take his parents for granted and live off them. God has placed each one of us on this earth for a specific purpose and we should utilize ourselves to our full potential and make it on our own. I feel they are like parasites. So I was determined to go the whole nine yards all by myself. I thank God for giving me the means to do so and pray that the blessing will continue.
Some love stories are dreamy. Some are accidental. Some are humorous. My love story is quite simple really.
It all began on a Saturday, the 24th of November 2007. I was a Sr. Executive of a rapidly growing company and was looking to expand and change the market dynamics of the furniture industry. The CEO was a very talented and dynamic person and he had recruited two Filipino interior designers to change the outlook and atmosphere of our showrooms. We all knew that they were arriving on that day and we were asked to attend a short strategic session in one of our smaller showrooms with the newcomers in attendance. The session was scheduled to start at 3pm. All my teammates and I arrived on time and we were waiting for the CEO and the guest to arrive. We were all seated at a large conference table on the second floor. I thought I knew both the newcomers as I was the official attaché at their interview held two months earlier in Bangladesh. The CEO arrived and the guest followed suit a few minutes later.
I had no idea my future would be walking into the showroom at that moment.
Time stopped for those first few moments. It was a great surprise! Of the first two candidates only one was chosen. I later learned that the other one did not push through. Instead they decided to hire another Filipina of the same caliber. When we were introduced I was dumbstruck and barely managed to introduce myself. I know I did not make a first impression because neither of them could remember me from the first meeting. CEO informed us that they would be handling Category management and Visual merchandising. My honey caught my attention immediately because of her stature and build. A very short and cute person and I felt like I was in the presence of an angel. I kept eyeing her all through the meeting and was having this feeling of butterflies in my tummy. I don’t know if it was love at first sight or an intense attraction to her. They were both jetlagged from the flight and were constantly yawning. Even her yawning was so cute. By 6.30 pm they decided to go home and rest. CEO and the rest of us remained to finish the exercise. For the rest of the evening my mind kept wondering back to the little cute angel and I could not concentrate on my work properly after that. That night I could not sleep properly and kept thinking of her.
The next day started out great. I usually get in to work very by 8am everyday but office starts at 9am. I go through my mails and try to finish off any pending work from the previous day. I was working on something on my PC. My workstation was situated in such a way that my back is facing the entrance door to my department. Suddenly I heard the door open and looked back. I was surprised to see her in office this early and immediately stood up to greet her. She greeted me back and asked to use my PC to check her mail. I was dumbstruck again and can’t remember what I replied but I next found myself walking in the aisle of the office outside my room and kept eyeing her through the glass door while walking up and down the aisle. She finally finished after about 20 minutes and thanked me then walked back to the room which she and Marlu were sharing.
19th December 2007. We were working late in office as usual and all were hyped up about DITF. The two newcomers were also getting ready to go back home for the Christmas holidays. So we were all in a rush to finish off all pending issues. Honey and Marlu were in Naser’ (my then boss) office discussing something. I walked in there and joined the discussion. They were teasing me that I work very late and have no social life. I was about to take my leave when Honey asked me if I was married. She assumed so cause almost all the other guys were married already. I don’t know what ticked off in me, but I just turned back and stood facing her, looked deep into her eyes and replied “Do I look like a married guy to you”. She told me later that the look had sent shock waves through her.
DITF went by without any major glitches. Honey’ reputation was at its peak cause it was the best display setup in Otobi’ history. The next event occurred in February. Honey and I, together with another colleague, went out to elephant road to source some fabrics for curtains and pillow covers. Our colleague was in a romantic mood and she kept on teasing honey to me. I played along and just brushed off the teasing. But deep inside me I dared to hope to dream of ‘US’.
On the 23rd of Feb, I was in a supplier’s factory checking their production as we were on a tight schedule to deliver some sofa sets. About 12pm I received a text. Guess what! It was from none other than honey. She had attended a party the night before and wore a sari for the first time. She was thrilled at the feeling and wanted to share the excitement with someone. I replied back and after that we became good text mates. This went on for a couple of days after which I invited her out to dinner. She accepted and we set a date on the 29th at Casa Greek.
I could not sleep the following nights as thoughts of her occupied my mind. At 7pm on the 29th of February I was on my way to pick her up. I was bursting with anticipation of the evening and was very excited. I texted her when I reached her apartment and she came down after a few minutes. She looked gorgeous in a jeans and a pink top. We drove to the restaurant and made some polite conversation. I was careful not to speak too much as I did not want to make a bad impression. Upon reaching the restaurant I politely let her lead the way. We entered the restaurant and were seated. I kept staring at her while she made her order after which I followed suit. I tried to follow all the etiquette and she very much appreciated it such as standing up when she got up to use the washroom and back. I was especially careful while eating because I have the habit of dropping rice on the table. Nevertheless it still happened and I was horrified. But she set me at ease when she just laughed it off. I passed on a song that I loved to her after a while. I don’t know what prompted me to do that but I wanted something special and felt I could share it with her and it was the right thing to do.
Years later I look back and know it was maybe the best thing I did that night. It sealed our fates together.
The date ended as soon as it began. They say that when you are having a good time, time flies fast. I wish I could hold back time and the date went on forever. We walked down to where my car was parked and were driven back to her place where it was time for goodbye. I bade her goodnight and she gave me a peck on my cheek. It was like electricity running through me. I knew then that this was the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with.
I don’t know when I reached back home that night but I was in a dreamy state the whole time. My mom told me that I should always have a lot of girlfriends but choose wisely before I decide on the one to marry. I did not have a lot of girlfriends but I knew I wanted to marry her after our first date. I still decided not to rush things and check if what I was feeling was indeed love or infatuation. We continued texting each other and more dates followed.
On the 12th of April, honey and her housemate (our colleague) invited me for lunch at their place. She cooked some lunch for us and it was late evening when I returned home. It was then I received a text which changed my life. She text me the message ‘I love you’. I was pretty shocked as I had already pronounced my love for her in March. She didn’t commit then so I was pretty shook up to that message. I replied with an affirmation and the rest is what they call history.
Now, here we are a year away from our marriage and I love her with all my heart and soul. If you press me to say why I love her, I can say no more than because she is she, and I am I. "If she lives to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without her. Love is a force more formidable than any other. It is invisible - it cannot be seen or measured, yet it was powerful enough to transform me in a moment, and offered me more joy than any material possession could. The moment you have in your heart this extraordinary thing called love and feel the depth, the delight, the ecstasy of it, you will discover that for you the world is transformed. Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.
I would willingly turn in to a stone bridge, for 500 years and endure the wind, the sunlight and the rain. I only ask that you walk over the bridge once."
There are few things left to be done, one of them is the guest list as Filipinos are really not into RSVP. And worst, the people who didn't RSVP yet are from my family hehehe!
I want to share our not so ordinary love story.
HIS LOVE STORY
I’m getting married!!!! That’s right….. Finally I have decided to get hitched and I’m really excited about it. I have been toying around with this decision for quite some time now and I know that it's time finally. According to me the goal that I had set for myself before I settle down was always to be able to support my family, my future wife and never ever be a burden to my parents financially. The practice of getting married and living of the parents is quite common in Bangladesh. It's termed as living in the “Father’s Hotel”. In some instances, the wedding expenses are all borne by the parents and the couple tries to make it on their own after that. However, I abhor this practice. I think a guy has no right to take his parents for granted and live off them. God has placed each one of us on this earth for a specific purpose and we should utilize ourselves to our full potential and make it on our own. I feel they are like parasites. So I was determined to go the whole nine yards all by myself. I thank God for giving me the means to do so and pray that the blessing will continue.
Some love stories are dreamy. Some are accidental. Some are humorous. My love story is quite simple really.
It all began on a Saturday, the 24th of November 2007. I was a Sr. Executive of a rapidly growing company and was looking to expand and change the market dynamics of the furniture industry. The CEO was a very talented and dynamic person and he had recruited two Filipino interior designers to change the outlook and atmosphere of our showrooms. We all knew that they were arriving on that day and we were asked to attend a short strategic session in one of our smaller showrooms with the newcomers in attendance. The session was scheduled to start at 3pm. All my teammates and I arrived on time and we were waiting for the CEO and the guest to arrive. We were all seated at a large conference table on the second floor. I thought I knew both the newcomers as I was the official attaché at their interview held two months earlier in Bangladesh. The CEO arrived and the guest followed suit a few minutes later.
I had no idea my future would be walking into the showroom at that moment.
Time stopped for those first few moments. It was a great surprise! Of the first two candidates only one was chosen. I later learned that the other one did not push through. Instead they decided to hire another Filipina of the same caliber. When we were introduced I was dumbstruck and barely managed to introduce myself. I know I did not make a first impression because neither of them could remember me from the first meeting. CEO informed us that they would be handling Category management and Visual merchandising. My honey caught my attention immediately because of her stature and build. A very short and cute person and I felt like I was in the presence of an angel. I kept eyeing her all through the meeting and was having this feeling of butterflies in my tummy. I don’t know if it was love at first sight or an intense attraction to her. They were both jetlagged from the flight and were constantly yawning. Even her yawning was so cute. By 6.30 pm they decided to go home and rest. CEO and the rest of us remained to finish the exercise. For the rest of the evening my mind kept wondering back to the little cute angel and I could not concentrate on my work properly after that. That night I could not sleep properly and kept thinking of her.
The next day started out great. I usually get in to work very by 8am everyday but office starts at 9am. I go through my mails and try to finish off any pending work from the previous day. I was working on something on my PC. My workstation was situated in such a way that my back is facing the entrance door to my department. Suddenly I heard the door open and looked back. I was surprised to see her in office this early and immediately stood up to greet her. She greeted me back and asked to use my PC to check her mail. I was dumbstruck again and can’t remember what I replied but I next found myself walking in the aisle of the office outside my room and kept eyeing her through the glass door while walking up and down the aisle. She finally finished after about 20 minutes and thanked me then walked back to the room which she and Marlu were sharing.
19th December 2007. We were working late in office as usual and all were hyped up about DITF. The two newcomers were also getting ready to go back home for the Christmas holidays. So we were all in a rush to finish off all pending issues. Honey and Marlu were in Naser’ (my then boss) office discussing something. I walked in there and joined the discussion. They were teasing me that I work very late and have no social life. I was about to take my leave when Honey asked me if I was married. She assumed so cause almost all the other guys were married already. I don’t know what ticked off in me, but I just turned back and stood facing her, looked deep into her eyes and replied “Do I look like a married guy to you”. She told me later that the look had sent shock waves through her.
DITF went by without any major glitches. Honey’ reputation was at its peak cause it was the best display setup in Otobi’ history. The next event occurred in February. Honey and I, together with another colleague, went out to elephant road to source some fabrics for curtains and pillow covers. Our colleague was in a romantic mood and she kept on teasing honey to me. I played along and just brushed off the teasing. But deep inside me I dared to hope to dream of ‘US’.
On the 23rd of Feb, I was in a supplier’s factory checking their production as we were on a tight schedule to deliver some sofa sets. About 12pm I received a text. Guess what! It was from none other than honey. She had attended a party the night before and wore a sari for the first time. She was thrilled at the feeling and wanted to share the excitement with someone. I replied back and after that we became good text mates. This went on for a couple of days after which I invited her out to dinner. She accepted and we set a date on the 29th at Casa Greek.
I could not sleep the following nights as thoughts of her occupied my mind. At 7pm on the 29th of February I was on my way to pick her up. I was bursting with anticipation of the evening and was very excited. I texted her when I reached her apartment and she came down after a few minutes. She looked gorgeous in a jeans and a pink top. We drove to the restaurant and made some polite conversation. I was careful not to speak too much as I did not want to make a bad impression. Upon reaching the restaurant I politely let her lead the way. We entered the restaurant and were seated. I kept staring at her while she made her order after which I followed suit. I tried to follow all the etiquette and she very much appreciated it such as standing up when she got up to use the washroom and back. I was especially careful while eating because I have the habit of dropping rice on the table. Nevertheless it still happened and I was horrified. But she set me at ease when she just laughed it off. I passed on a song that I loved to her after a while. I don’t know what prompted me to do that but I wanted something special and felt I could share it with her and it was the right thing to do.
Years later I look back and know it was maybe the best thing I did that night. It sealed our fates together.
The date ended as soon as it began. They say that when you are having a good time, time flies fast. I wish I could hold back time and the date went on forever. We walked down to where my car was parked and were driven back to her place where it was time for goodbye. I bade her goodnight and she gave me a peck on my cheek. It was like electricity running through me. I knew then that this was the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with.
I don’t know when I reached back home that night but I was in a dreamy state the whole time. My mom told me that I should always have a lot of girlfriends but choose wisely before I decide on the one to marry. I did not have a lot of girlfriends but I knew I wanted to marry her after our first date. I still decided not to rush things and check if what I was feeling was indeed love or infatuation. We continued texting each other and more dates followed.
On the 12th of April, honey and her housemate (our colleague) invited me for lunch at their place. She cooked some lunch for us and it was late evening when I returned home. It was then I received a text which changed my life. She text me the message ‘I love you’. I was pretty shocked as I had already pronounced my love for her in March. She didn’t commit then so I was pretty shook up to that message. I replied with an affirmation and the rest is what they call history.
Now, here we are a year away from our marriage and I love her with all my heart and soul. If you press me to say why I love her, I can say no more than because she is she, and I am I. "If she lives to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without her. Love is a force more formidable than any other. It is invisible - it cannot be seen or measured, yet it was powerful enough to transform me in a moment, and offered me more joy than any material possession could. The moment you have in your heart this extraordinary thing called love and feel the depth, the delight, the ecstasy of it, you will discover that for you the world is transformed. Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.
I would willingly turn in to a stone bridge, for 500 years and endure the wind, the sunlight and the rain. I only ask that you walk over the bridge once."
HER LOVE STORY
"God has indeed planned each of our own blueprints right before we were born and has woven our lives to cross paths with our perfect match in the most unexpected circumstances and blessed us to finally be as one in His own perfect time."
I’m getting married! Finally, I’m getting married. I never thought that I will get married at all because when Honey and I was still at the “getting to know each other stage”, he was so vocal that “he is not the marrying type and marriage is not in his vocabulary”. I was fine with that since I’m not looking for a spouse either; I was just looking for a friend/companion in that lonely place. Our story started the wrong way but what matters most is how we end up.
Year 2007, prior to getting the job in Bangladesh, I passed a job interview going to Dubai and another to Singapore but I have to decline because of the placement fee. It was two opportunities that I felt bad in letting go of it, but I just kept on telling myself that something better is coming my way. And before the year ends, I received a job offer much better than the Dubai & Singapore combined. Before getting the job, Bangladesh doesn’t ring a bell at all. It’s easier to explain to people that it’s beside India. At that time, Bangladesh was in the headlines due to Cyclone Sid’r. Suddenly, Bangladesh is all over the news but in a bad light that my dad doesn’t want me to go anymore. Of course, I want the job, and I know it is for my future, that even if I’m scared, it’s more of fear of the unknown, I still went to Bangladesh. It’s one of the best decisions I made in my life. My goal: to save, and nothing else.
After a month of document processing, we (my office colleague) arrived in Bangladesh in the dawn of November 24, 2007. We were picked up from the airport and dropped off to our apartment. The CEO and CHRO came over also to welcome us and to inform us that there will be Category management training on that day after lunch and for us to attend that even for a few minutes. We were so tired from the journey and with lack of sleep, we went to that 3pm training. I feel so sleepy, and I know my mind is not functioning well. I can’t remember the people that Shantanu introduced to us; Alvin was one of those people. They all look-a-like- to me, and they all look hazy to me.
The following day, November 25th, Sunday, it’s my first official work day. WE went to the office early as we were used to working early in the Philippines. Office timing is at 9am but we were in the office a little past 8. As it was my first day, I don’t have yet my own laptop, I roamed around the empty office in search for a computer that I can use since I haven’t email my family yet. Luckily, there’s this early bird typing away in his computer already. His back is facing the glass wall and glass door that I think I gave him a shock when I entered his room and asked if I can use his computer for a few minutes. I find him a gentleman; he stood up instantly and greeted me “good morning madam. Sure, you can use it” and he gave his chair to me. He stood for awhile there before leaving the room as a courtesy since it’s not accepted yet to see a lady and a guy alone in the company. As a matter of fact, there were only 2 lady employees in the Headoffice prior to our arrival. But before he left the room, I asked why he is early and what his name is. I was surprised to hear an English sounding name, so I asked why. That’s when he said that he is a catholic. That’s the first time I met, Alvin, my honey, my future husband.
Days passed, there were lots of work because of the upcoming DITF. My department Visual Merchandising is working closely with the Category Management and Alvin is part of that department. So, there were times that we are together in a meeting, and that’s when I noticed, and I caught him sometimes, that he looks at me differently. It seems like he is trying to read me or analyze me, and it feels weird. But there’s one moment that really made me feel that this guy has a feeling for me. On the night of December 20th, as usual we were working late as we were busy with the preparation for DITF and I was scheduled to go home also for my Christmas break. Marlu, Alvin and Naser (Alvin’s boss) were inside Naser’s room while I was standing by Naser’s office door. We were discussing something regarding DITF when Alvin asked permission from his boss that he needs to leave early, that’s when they started teasing him that he doesn’t have a social life at all. So, when he went out the door already, that’s when I asked Mr. Naser “why is he leaving early? He needs to go home to his wife?” That’s when Alvin turned back and walked towards me, and looks at me straight into the eye while I was pinned against the door, and asked “Do I look like Married?” I didn’t answer that question as he walked away already, I just assumed that he was married since majority of the guys in the office were married, and they work late according to them because they don’t want to go home to their wives (that’s a joke of course). I was really surprise and though I didn’t hear music or bells ringing, I felt something with that look; it’s boring into my eyes, deep into my soul. Shockwaves. But I just ignored it because I’m going home for my Christmas break.
When I came back from the Philippines by January, that’s when Marlu, who was in a romantic mood then, started teasing me to Alvin. Again, I just ignored it since I’m not interested. Our day-to-day conversation is just about work and nothing else. But, those mysterious looks from him continued. Maybe he was doing it discreetly but I have better instinct and senses I guess. We started to talk something other than work when I send him a message one weekend regarding the engagement ceremony of my staff. That’s the start of our more-than-office- conversations and a blossoming friendship. Yes, I introduced him to the world of “texting”, so we became literally textmates as we only talk thru SMS, but in the office, we were professional, I’m Madam Patricia to him, and he is Alvin bhai to me. We decided to go out on a date. It’s actually an overdue welcome treat that he promised me and marlu but he asked me to come alone. We talked a lot of things over dinner, my life back home, his life, why he loves working so late, why he enjoys working, his admiration to the CEO which he considers his mentor, we talked about his tattoo, music, lovelife. One thing I notice that night that made me impressed, he is a gentleman. I feel like I’m Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman when Alvin stood up from his chair when I excused myself to go to the powder room. Before the night ends, he shared with me one of his favourite songs and requested me to listen to it when I reach home. That song is like an arrow that struck my heart; I fell in love with that song.
We became constant textmates. From morning until evening, we text each other, teasing each other , asking how’s our day and what we are doing at the moment. Months of exchanging SMS, one night he gave me a call. That call lasted for hours, and after that, every night instead of exchanging messages, he will call me and we will talk for hours, even if there are times that we don’t have anything to say anymore. Later on, when he doesn’t have anything to say anymore, he sings for me before saying goodbye. That’s my nightly lullaby. Yeah, he was serenading me over the phone. And my constant request is the song that he shared with me on our first date. This lasted for months; we are just so comfortable in texting and talking to each over the phone. Sometimes, we will invite him to come over for lunch or dinner during weekends. He started giving me small gifts and he already proposed his love to me, but I told him I don’t have plans of staying back in BD. Even after saying that, he was willing to take chances and wait for the time that I will want to take chances also in BD. We had a non-committal relationship, or I assumed that’s what we had since I don’t have intention of staying for good in BD. It’s purely companionship, a light happy feeling. Until, we found out that the company is planning to send him out of the country to manage our outbound office. That’s when I realized he has a special spot in my heart already, and I don’t want him to go. These made me want to try and take chances with him. And, it is until now the best decision I made.
Finally, after 1419 days of exclusive dating, he came home with me last February 2012 to meet my whole family. I don’t have any idea that he has plan of proposing to me already. February 12, 2012 after his death-defying zipline ride in the morning, he proposed to me and asked my hand in marriage from my parents in the evening.
Our relationship started the unconventional way but looking back, I will not change it in any way. What we had made us appreciate more of what we have now. Those roadblocks have reasons why they appear in our lives but we will never know the real meaning until we pass the route. In the middle of foreign land and strangers, we found each other. Maybe, somewhere in my youth, I did something good. . :)Yes, I finally found the man who compliments my weirdness, and I couldn’t ask for more.
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
8 Ways to a Finance - Savvy Marriage
I love reading Patty laurel's blog, it's refreshing, fun, light but full of tips. So, while browsing her blog because I wasn't able to read it regularly as I'm busy with wedding preps, I saw this article and I know it is something I can adapt also to my married life.
1. Income – Savings = Expenses. This formula throws away the more common albeit askew, Income – Expenses = Savings. The most prevalent mistake people commit these days is to set aside only the “crumbs” of our money—and on peak seasons like December, we end up saving none. This should never be the case. As soon as you get your money, it is wisest to set aside a certain amount for savings before you spend the whole thing at the mall ;)
2. Generally, savings must be at least 6 months’ worth of your salary. The truth is, there is really no hard-and-fast rule on the amount or percentage of income that you should be keeping as savings. In a finance seminar I attended, the speaker told us that we should keep an amount that satisfies us mentally, emotionally, and psychologically. If you’re looking for a specific benchmark, though, I find that for newlyweds, having an amount equal to (at least) 6 months’ of your individual salary is good enough. This is your “safety net” in case something unexpected comes up, and you or your spouse cannot earn as usual.
3. Open a joint account but keep your individual accounts. As a married couple, it is a must that you have at least one joint account under your names. Your wealth, after all, belongs to the both of you as one unit. Use the funds in your joint account for common expenses like household bills, insurance premiums, vacations, etc. That said, I think it is equally vital to maintain your separate accounts. Why? Because inevitably, you and your spouse will have expenses that are “unique” to each of you, and you would want the freedom to be able to pay for those yourself (ie, salon treatments for the wives!). Of course, this doesn’t mean you have to reject your partner’s offers for a treat. The point is simply that you have some legroom for your separate interests (or even luxuries!) without having to feel guilty that you took a lot from the common fund. This empowers both individuals in the marriage and helps keeps the peace at home, too!
4. Stick to a budget. More accurately, set a household budget for the family as well as a personal budget for your individual expenses. And honor it! J Setting a budget isn’t a matter of just plucking a random amount and calling it your limit every month. It’s a little more complicated than that. Wise budgeting involves recognizing the lifestyle you are used to vis-a-vis the lifestyle that would suit you as a couple; being honest about each other’s financial situation; setting financial priorities and goals together; and agreeing on expenses that can be put on hold. Feel free, however, to leave one or two “sacred” things that you can leave out of the budget and can splurge on, such as food, a special getaway, or your kids’ education.
5. Who’s in charge of paying the bills? This is a simple rule of thumb as it is painfully practical. Between you and your partner, designate the one who will be responsible in physically settling your bills. Ideally, this should be the partner who can better remember due dates, can keep bills and receipts, can keep track of expenses—generally, the more OC one ;)
6. Do NOT ever get into credit card debt. Live within your means. See Rules #1 and #4. If this is too late, prioritize paying off ALL your debts as soon as possible. This prevents the compounding of monthly interests, not to mention finally enjoying better sleep!
7. Invest. Please get rid of the misconception that investments are only for people who have “extra money”. On the contrary, good investments should benefit those who don’t have a lot… or, in the case of newlyweds, those who are just about to begin life together! Don’t be afraid to talk to a financial adviser or your bank account manager for this. There may be ways to put your hard-earned money into an investment product that can yield higher profit than, say, a regular savings account.
8. Know your tax benefits as a married couple. Do you know that you can make deductions to your income tax if you declare yourself as head of the family? Yes oh yes! Other deductions may also be available to you, so be sure to know your tax rights :)
Being financially stable as an individual is challenging enough; add another person into the equation and the task may seem a little more difficult. The good news is that this “other person” is your better half, and so the journey to financial freedom and stability should be a happy, adventurous one! :) Love, Stella
By Stella Pastores-Esquivias
1. Income – Savings = Expenses. This formula throws away the more common albeit askew, Income – Expenses = Savings. The most prevalent mistake people commit these days is to set aside only the “crumbs” of our money—and on peak seasons like December, we end up saving none. This should never be the case. As soon as you get your money, it is wisest to set aside a certain amount for savings before you spend the whole thing at the mall ;)
2. Generally, savings must be at least 6 months’ worth of your salary. The truth is, there is really no hard-and-fast rule on the amount or percentage of income that you should be keeping as savings. In a finance seminar I attended, the speaker told us that we should keep an amount that satisfies us mentally, emotionally, and psychologically. If you’re looking for a specific benchmark, though, I find that for newlyweds, having an amount equal to (at least) 6 months’ of your individual salary is good enough. This is your “safety net” in case something unexpected comes up, and you or your spouse cannot earn as usual.
3. Open a joint account but keep your individual accounts. As a married couple, it is a must that you have at least one joint account under your names. Your wealth, after all, belongs to the both of you as one unit. Use the funds in your joint account for common expenses like household bills, insurance premiums, vacations, etc. That said, I think it is equally vital to maintain your separate accounts. Why? Because inevitably, you and your spouse will have expenses that are “unique” to each of you, and you would want the freedom to be able to pay for those yourself (ie, salon treatments for the wives!). Of course, this doesn’t mean you have to reject your partner’s offers for a treat. The point is simply that you have some legroom for your separate interests (or even luxuries!) without having to feel guilty that you took a lot from the common fund. This empowers both individuals in the marriage and helps keeps the peace at home, too!
4. Stick to a budget. More accurately, set a household budget for the family as well as a personal budget for your individual expenses. And honor it! J Setting a budget isn’t a matter of just plucking a random amount and calling it your limit every month. It’s a little more complicated than that. Wise budgeting involves recognizing the lifestyle you are used to vis-a-vis the lifestyle that would suit you as a couple; being honest about each other’s financial situation; setting financial priorities and goals together; and agreeing on expenses that can be put on hold. Feel free, however, to leave one or two “sacred” things that you can leave out of the budget and can splurge on, such as food, a special getaway, or your kids’ education.
5. Who’s in charge of paying the bills? This is a simple rule of thumb as it is painfully practical. Between you and your partner, designate the one who will be responsible in physically settling your bills. Ideally, this should be the partner who can better remember due dates, can keep bills and receipts, can keep track of expenses—generally, the more OC one ;)
6. Do NOT ever get into credit card debt. Live within your means. See Rules #1 and #4. If this is too late, prioritize paying off ALL your debts as soon as possible. This prevents the compounding of monthly interests, not to mention finally enjoying better sleep!
7. Invest. Please get rid of the misconception that investments are only for people who have “extra money”. On the contrary, good investments should benefit those who don’t have a lot… or, in the case of newlyweds, those who are just about to begin life together! Don’t be afraid to talk to a financial adviser or your bank account manager for this. There may be ways to put your hard-earned money into an investment product that can yield higher profit than, say, a regular savings account.
8. Know your tax benefits as a married couple. Do you know that you can make deductions to your income tax if you declare yourself as head of the family? Yes oh yes! Other deductions may also be available to you, so be sure to know your tax rights :)
Being financially stable as an individual is challenging enough; add another person into the equation and the task may seem a little more difficult. The good news is that this “other person” is your better half, and so the journey to financial freedom and stability should be a happy, adventurous one! :) Love, Stella
Visit Stella's blog here.
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Random Thoughts
I’m on the last leg of our wedding preparations and I’m so
eager to finish this and get over with it. It is fun preparing for your own
wedding but it gives me lots of stress also, and sad fact, the stressor is
within your circle. Minor things for them but big thing for you because it’s
your wedding and you are the one paying for it, and you have a budget to
follow. Even if I want to stay longer here, the stressor makes me want to leave
the soonest possible time too.
In 2 and half months time, I’m going back to Dhaka. I’m
going to start a new life as a wife, in a foreign land. I’m not new to Dhaka
but the situation this time is different. I’m not going there as an expatriate.
I will not have the luxuries I used to have when I was still working. I will
just be a local resident and will have to live the lifestyle that my husband
can provide. I know he is capable in providing a good life for me and to our
future family, but I’m scared of the unknown.
It feels like I’m entering a tunnel where the darkness
slowly creeps in and the light at the other end is so far. I’m afraid of the
unknown, but I have to take this road. I know my husband will be with me every
step of the way, and he will do his best to support me, guide me and guard me.
I just need to be strong too.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
A Trip To CFO
We plan to settle in Bangladesh after the church wedding,
and apart from the wedding preparations, I’m also busy preparing all my
documents.
I already updated my SSS and I hope I will receive my new
ID before I leave for Bangladesh. Next is my passport. I plan to renew it using
my married name before applying for Bangladesh Visa so that I will have
an official ID with my married name already.
I’m glad I checked the DFA Passport Appointment schedule already to book an
appointment because I found out that the earliest available date in DFA
Megamall is April 11 while in Robinson’s galleria is April 18. I Decided to
book the April 11 and applied for rush processing which will take a week instead
of the regular processing which will take 15 working days. And as soon as I
will get my passport, I will apply for my "Dependent Visa". I need a "Letter of Financial Support" from my husband address to the Bangladesh Embassy for this one.
But, renewing passport for me is not as easy as others
again, just because I’m a “spouse of a foreign national”. Aside from the Report
of Marriage Copy from NSO, I need to present a “Commissionof Filipino Overseas (CFO) Guidance and Counselling Certificate of Attendance”.
This is required for first time applicants or renewal who will use their married
name for the first time.
What is this? At first, I thought it’s just
another unnecessary “money-making scheme” and additional hassle, but when I
went there yesterday, I found out that the main purpose of this is to protect
the welfare of the Filipino women who will get married to a foreigner or who are
married to a foreigner who will migrate to another country. If POEA is after
the welfare of the overseas Filipino workers, CFO is after the welfare of the
Filipino Migrants. In the Guidance & Counselling, the counselors are
checking that the marriage is legit and not just a case of human trafficking or
a mail-order bride. Though I feel that I don’t really need this, it will be
tougher for them to monitor if there are exceptions in the rules, that’s why
they require all women with foreigner spouse to attend this counselling.
It's sad to hear stories about the women's struggles in their married life while leaving in another country. And yes, there are still cases of mail-order-bride and human trafficking. Most of the victims are the non-educated women from the far-flung provinces, the innocent women who fell in love to a wrong guy, women who wants to go to another country. But there are some cases also of women who were not able to adjust to the intercultural relationship and marriage.
It's sad to hear stories about the women's struggles in their married life while leaving in another country. And yes, there are still cases of mail-order-bride and human trafficking. Most of the victims are the non-educated women from the far-flung provinces, the innocent women who fell in love to a wrong guy, women who wants to go to another country. But there are some cases also of women who were not able to adjust to the intercultural relationship and marriage.
The office opens at 630am, but I went there
around 9am even if the schedule for the counselling is at 2-5pm because they
have a quota per day. My whole day was spent only in CFO. I had a one-on-one interview
with the counselor. They asked about my relationship with H, it’s like sharing
our love story to them. Then, after that, I’m advised to have my lunch first
and be back by 130pm for the group guidance and counselling session. The session is group according to categories and country. My group is under "Fiancees/Spouses/Other Partners of Foreign National from Asia Pacific Countries". I really
don’t find it educational for me anymore because it isn’t my first time to live
in Bangladesh, or my first time to meet my husband and the in-laws. I have
adjusted to the Bangladesh life and I know married life is another adjustment
regardless whichever part of the world you will live. After the session, my
certificate was given to me since according to my counselor; she didn't find
any issues with my status or my documents. This counselling is once in lifetime only unless you will have a new petitioner and you will have to leave from the Philippines again.
After I get my Dependent Visa, I will have to go back
to CFO to have my passport stamp with the Emigrant seal.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)