My Birthing Story

“A woman’s satisfaction with her birth experience is related more to her involvement in decision-making than to the outcome.” – Dr. Sarah J. Buckley. “Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering”

Just like with her manang, our bunso came out at 38 wks and 6 days, thru CS after 20 hours of waiting for an active labor to start. We tried to have VBAC, but I really don't know why i didn't reach active labor. This is my birthing story.

The date when we found out that we are pregnant is the same date when we got engaged.

When we found out that we are pregnant after 6 months of planning and trying, I am really decided that this time, i will give birth naturally. No OB-Gyne will scare me nor discourage me to try for Vaginal Birth After Ceasarean or VBAC. I asked for help and confidence from a doula, who is based in the Philippines. I researched and found out that there are successful vbac cases as part of medical experiment here in Dhaka. So I was hopeful I will be able to find an OB-Gyne who will support my decision. I started asking around too in Bangladeshi mommy groups and was glad to chance upon someone who had a successful vbac here in bd. Luckily, the ob sits here in uttara too, but because her clinic hours are at evening, it is impossible for me to go there alone. So we opted to go to another OB who sits in United Hospital because this time we decided to change OB and hospital. 

The first OB is popular and highly recommended. She didn’t discourage me about vbac but wasn’t encouraging too. For her, it will be all upon God's will. The first two appointments, i had to wait for one to two hours, not because of a long queue but because the appointment system at united hospital sucks! For them, the appointment time doesn’t mean you will meet the dr already but your call time/reporting time. It is irritating and a waste of our time really, waiting for so called professionals who don’t know how to value the time of others. 

I changed OB after that, and went to another OB who was referred by a friend. She was my OB till my 36th week coz suddenly she changed tone. From the start i did informed her that i want to have a trial labor and she did agree. But on my 36th wk checkup, she told me that we need to schedule my CS the following week when we meet again for my 37th wk checkup. That's when i decided that, i will really need to change ob again and meet the ob here in Uttara. That time, my husband is already with a new company with better working hours. So he can accompany me already with my checkup. He booked an appointment with Dr Hafiza Aktar instantly.

My OB, Dr Hafiza Aktar, with my newborn baby.

It was the best decision, and we even wondered why it took us so long to meet her - but well, of course we knew the answer, it wasn’t possible for me that time coz my husband was always at work till midnight. Instantly, i felt comfortable and at ease with dr hafiza. The very first OB whom i felt is genuinely caring. She agreed with trial labor. Agreed that we will wait till my 40th week then after that we will go for CS. She even explained to me that a rupture water bag without labor pain doesn't warrant for an emergency cs coz we can wait at least 24hours for labor to commence, and in case that my bp is high again, they will manage that first before deciding for cs. Imagine my surprise when she told me that? If only my first OB did those things before or if only i was well informed during my first pregnancy, then maybe i was able to give birth naturally.

My eldest daughter giving kiss to her ading.

On my 38th week, our eldest daughter gave an announcement that her sister will arrive on Sunday. - That’s either Oct 1 or Oct 8, coz my edd was Oct 10. For me, any date will do as long as it is on October and not on September. I was even hoping for oct 4 so that my daughter and my husband will have the same birthdate or oct 12 so that it will be the same with my parents wedding anniversary. 

Oct 1 Sunday, after eating what I requested for dinner “Take Out Burgers”, i was getting ready to have a shower. My husband told me that our daughter's announcement didn’t come true. In which i replied, there is another Sunday before my edd. She didn’t say which Sunday, she just said on Sunday. I entered the bathroom and i saw there is blood in my pee. So i called my husband and told him that i think i will start laboring soon, so he has to be prepared. When i entered the bathroom again, my water bag broke. That's when i told him to inform the OB. We were advised to go to the emergency dept of Uttara Adhunik Medical College Hospital already so they can check and monitor me. We told our daughter that mommy and daddy will need to go to the hospital already and she has to stay with her grandma or ruma auntie. This was tough coz it is the first time that we are leaving her alone.

In the emergency room, they checked my blood pressure. It was high again. I really think I have a white gown syndrome. Since my water bag broke already, they told us we need to be admitted as they need to monitor me and put an IV on me.

This is a government hospital, and men are not allowed inside the labor room/ob dept. I was sad thinking I will be spending the whole night, alone with the other women in labor in the labor room. Good thing they told me I can stay in my cabin since I’m not in active labor yet. While in the labor room though, I noticed that they don’t allow the women who are in active labor to move around. We were told to just lie down in bed, so different from what I usually hear from friends in the Philippines where they advise you to move more to help the baby move down and to help the labor to progress. Before going to my cabin, the doctor-on-duty reprimands me from moving or walking around and I was advice to just lie down and go to sleep.

My companion is fast asleep.

Inside my cabin, I’m getting antsy. I don’t feel any pain. I don’t know what’s happening, if I’m progressing or not. They didn’t do IE also, the doctor in charge said it is unhygienic. I was chatting with Escie, she was giving some tips of what I can do to help me go thru labor. But nothing is working, until I’m so sleepy and just decided to sleep coz if I will go to labor the following day, I know I will need all the strength.

Come morning time, they wheeled me back to the labor room. Still no labor pain, my OB came after lunch, and advised me to have a small dose of Pitocin, maybe it can help me go thru labor. By 4pm, when they did an IE, I didn’t understand if my cervix is still close or not at all progressing. She was actually willing to wait till the following day, but the OB in charge gave her opinion also that it might be too risky since I’m not progressing at all. My husband and I feels worried too, we think it is way too risky to wait till the following day, so we decided to go for CS again.

Not the actual operating room but similar looking. The one in Adhunik is more bare, and dimmer.

They prepped me up for CS. By 7pm they wheeled me to the operating room. And well, I felt like I’m entering a horror movie scene haha! It is so bare, unlike the operating room at Apollo Hospital, which was well-lighted. The only thing missing inside the operating room to complete the horror movie feels are the hanging knives, saw, and chains.

At 720pm, October 2, 2017, Monday, weighting 6.6 pounds, 20 inches long, our second born, our second daughter, the youngest grandchild of my parents, Arielle Maisie, is born.

A perfect birthday celebration for my husband's 37th birthday
, as we were discharged from the hospital on Oct 4th.

I may have not got my goal of giving birth naturally, but this time, I’m at peace because it was a gentle birth. We tried, we were given the chance, and we made the call. 

First Entry for 2017

Motherhood is 24/7 career. Updating a blog is too tasking now.

In summary, our daughter, our first born is now three years old. We have a headstrong threenager now :-)

our special announcement

Our family is growing! Please keep us in your prayers :-) Mayumi prefers to be called Manang Mayumi.

My one and only sister-in-law, my daughter's godmother is here for vacation too to celebrate mayumi's birthday with us. We opted to go out of town for a much needed family outing together with some family friends over a few hours of party.

with mayumi's godma and godpa

daddy was at work

the struggle is real in taking decent picture with a toddler and oldies

at the Chuti resort

Terrific Two

Finally after a year, I'm posting here the AVP that I made for my daughter's first birthday party last year.




We celebrated her 2nd birthday yesterday.

We didn't plan for a big party this time as we want it to be a family affair - me, my husband, my daughter and inlaws.  Anyway, we can always invite her friends over for a playdate. Also, we decided to share her blessings to the children of Mattri Chaiya school.

Imitating Minnie's pose

A simple celebration started with decorating the house with a 54" minnie mouse balloon - her reaction was priceless when she woke up to see the balloons. 

Pure innocence and happiness in a child's eyes

I dress her up and off we went to the church to attend the mass, went home after that for home cooked lunch, a bubble bath after getting messy, and then more playtime with daddy and her uncle daddy. 

My dancing diva

In the evening, we cut her birthday cake and she hunted for the easter eggs. After finding all the eggs, she opened her gifts and enjoyed playing her playdoh.

our best family picture for the day

happy with the sparklers

Easter egg hunting

A very simple celebration with lots of love and memories. At the end of the day, when I was carrying her, I asked her if she enjoyed her birthday, she replied sweetly and with much enthusiasm  "YEAH!" ... that alone made me so happy too. 

May she always enjoy and find fulfillment and happiness in simple things and aspire for greater things.

One Year

And just like that, it’s been a year. A wonderful and eventful year!

How time flies so fast, it feels like it was only yesterday when I carried you in my arms for the first time. A delicate tiny baby that fits perfectly in my arms and in that very moment you took my breath away. It seems only last night when I heard your first cry that sounds like “lahhh – lahhh-lahh”, such powerful cry that made your daddy dance and always on his toes. And as a first time mom, I don’t know what exactly to do to comfort you.  And as I was still weak from the CS, I couldn’t carry you and sway you to sleep for long. No one told me I should have nurse you for as long as you want or cuddle you to keep you warmth  but instead the doctor told me to nurse you every two hours, we didn’t know that you want my warmth that’s why you were crying.

We’ve been through a lot – those first few nights when I was struggling between nursing you, changing your soiled cloth nappies and catching up the badly needed sleep – too exhausting, but every time you are sleeping peacefully on my chest and I can stare at you, all those exhaustion fades away. You are still the best gift I have received.  

You have grown into a beautiful baby, sweet girl and adorable toddler. I just couldn’t get enough of you. 

No words can exactly explain my feelings. It’s all clouded in my head. 

My daughter, thank you for teaching me how to love unconditionally and for showing that I can love more than I can love myself.  I wish you to grow according to God’s plan, I want you to have your own personality and individuality. I will always here for you, to guide you and to protect you. I love you to the moon and back and for eternity.

A Random Update

Motherhood and work still eating up my time.
Just a random update for positive vibes.

Our 10 month old buri

Yesterday, our daughter completed 10 months.
Our little buri is not a fan of camera or video.
She doesn't have teeth yet but she bites, pinches and pulls my nips!
She loves kissy-kissy around her neck
She loves it when I sing "insy winsy spider", "tong tong pakitong kitong" , sampung mga daliri, and banana song of the minions
She loves munching on roti, muri and eating her khichuri and steamed veggies.
She wakes up in the morning just to watch her daddy prepare for work.
She is a happy baby who loves crawling, standing up, dancing to the tune of her walker and "shake your booty"
She is 10kgs and still on breastmilk (yahoo!!) one year mark goal is within my reach :-)
Last saturday, January 24, my daughter showed us that she can stand up without holding on to anything!

Oh my baby loves, you are growing up so fast. I have to start planning for your birthday party.

Random Thoughts (again)

 

image grabbed from google

Where did the time go?

It's been awhile since my last entry. Motherhood took over my life but I don't have regrets. I'm enjoying every moment of it, sure I get exhausted sometimes but it's all worth it, especially when you see those adorable eyes and sweet mischievous smiles of your little one - priceless!

Will try to update as soon as possible and I think I can do it more often now because I got my new laptop "BUDZ" - my work buddy! For two months, I will be a "work-at-home-mom" while a part-time consultant and a full-time mom also. Big job?! Oh yeah, and praying that I will pull it through - it's just a matter of "time-management" and a lot of sacrifice but my mommy time will not suffer - I have to make sure of that! I know my H will be there to support me too.

I was a “stay-at-home-mom” and now a part time working mom and at the same time a “work at home mom”. Simply put. I’m a “career woman”, being a mother my biggest and first career now.

I really never thought that I will be this busy, that I barely get enough time to do the things I plan to do. I’m grateful for all these blessings coming our way, and praying that it will continue. I have a mini notebook where I jot down my thoughts, even that is not updated but it’s more of a letter to my daughter, hoping that someday she will have interest in reading it.

For now, I will share it in bullet list the things I want to do and blog about:

•  Monthly photobook – I bought the vouchers and are about to expire this coming February 2015 and yet I haven’t started anything. I hope I can squish it in between.
• Our breastfeeding journey: proud to say that we are successful in exclusively breastfeeding for 6 months, and now complementing it with solids the BLW way, but not strictly BLW so it’s more of my own way/my style.
• My daughter’s milestones: she loves pulling herself up now and balances herself standing and then will fall down – “binabagsak ang sarili”! Oh my! I see myself in her.
• My work as a freelance designer.
• Random thoughts of my life as a mom, a wife, a daughter-in-law, and a foreigner. Yes, I’m still a foreigner here but not so-foreigner anymore.
• Plan my daughter’s first birthday party! Yes, in 4 months time, my daughter will be one year old. Time really flies when you are enjoying it, so seize the day. Enjoy every seconds. I will never get tired of carrying her even if my arms are aching already, I will never get tired of nursing her even if I want to do something else, and I will never get tired of playing with her even if I’m sleepy. I will do all of it whole-heartedly because there will be a time when she doesn’t want to be carried anymore but want to keep on running, time when she will stop nursing because she prefers eating, and time when she prefers to play alone rather than to play with me.  So for now, I will enjoy my precious time with my princess.

My Birthing Story

April 10... Today was supposed to be my due date, but my little one decided to come two weeks earlier instead at 38weeks on March 27 at 11am thru cs in Apollo Hospital Dhaka Bangladesh, weighting 6.6lbs and height of 19.7inches, whom we named Alexis Mayumi.

I did mention before that I prefer vaginal delivery, but sometimes things don’t happen the way you want it. I ended up having a c-section, but no matter what way I gave birth, the best part is still the end result - a beautiful baby.

My daughter with my OBgyne Dr. Gulshan Ara

My birthing story started at early morning around 3am when I’m half asleep half awake of almost peeing in the bed twice, and both I was able to stop and made me realize it isn’t the waterbag breaking. The third time I went to the bathroom to make a pee but when I get back to bed, the spot where I was sitting on was wet, I transferred to another spot and that too got wet. That when I decided to get up and go to the bathroom again and notice there's a drip but not a gush. I vibered my mom and sis and they told me to go to the er just to be sure, that’s when I started packing my hospital bag. That’s around 530am already and my husband woke up also and asked what I’m doing, that’s when the big gush came. We left for the hospital at 630am and reach there around 7am. No labor pain, no contractions yet. Baby's heartbeat was fine but no, I didn’t feel her move since my waterbag broke, and my BP shoot up to 140/110. The on-duty OB checked on me and monitored the baby's heartbeat and by the time my OB arrived & checked on me it was around 9am, my BP is still high and still no labor pain, no contraction - that’s when she recommended that I should go for cs coz she doesn’t want to take risk by inducing me, there's a chance that it will put my baby and myself in danger if she will induce me while my BP is high and it's actually steady at high - in my medical report after discharge, the diagnosis was pre-eclampsia and oligohydramnios.

Our first family picture right after the operation.

I was upset, disappointed. I really don’t want to have a cs but I don’t want to put my baby at risk also and at that time I don’t have other options and no chance to get second opinion anymore. We agreed for cs and were scheduled for 10am. Once inside the or, I felt the tense and Fear that I was trying to ignore the whole time. This is my first major surgery. Lots of things are running in my mind, I’m trying my best to calm myself but all I can think of is what if they will make a mistake in injecting the spinal anesthesia, I will be paralyze. The anesthesiologist was so nice he keeps talking to me, asking about Philippines and telling me you relax. But I don’t know if I was able to relax at all the entire operation, the worrier in me made me think lots of negative things, one was I’m going to die. I delivered the baby at 11am, one tiny pink baby. They didn’t place her on my chest; they did show her to me for a few seconds before they take her away. The whole time that they were stitching me up, I was asking for my baby, they told me she is with my husband already. As soon as they wheeled me to the recovery room, I saw my in-laws and my baby waiting for me. 

The nurses told me to rest and to sleep, while the whole time they were monitoring my BP, gave me medicine to lower it and stabilize it. From 11am till 6pm I was at the recovery room because my BP was not going down. They can’t offer me water and I was so thirsty I feel my throat was so dry. They did try to latch my baby on me, and I hate the pain of someone pinching and pulling my nipple towards my baby's mouth. I can see just a tiny droplet of colostrums, so small amount but I know that is sufficient for my baby. It's a good thing my baby knows how to suck and learned how to latch quickly. The first time I saw my husband carrying a baby is a sight to behold, despite the drowsiness and grogginess, I felt happy to see my husband carrying our baby and the way he looks at her is something. 

By 6pm we were transferred to our own room. The nurses were so helpful especially at night because that's when our baby starts to cry nonstop, she doesn’t like to stay in the bassinet, cries out loud whenever her diaper is wet or dirty, and because I can’t stand yet, my husband was the sole babysitter for the night. It's so nice that the nurses help him in soothing our baby. I felt so helpless and useless coz I’m not sure if baby is getting enough from me. I still don’t have milk and it frustrates me more whenever someone is asking me if I got milk or did I feed her enough. I’m a first time mom and I don’t know the answers to these questions, I just know the colostrums are enough for the baby and the doctor said it too. I feel sorry for my husband who has to endure sleepless nights alone when he has work the following morning. I dreaded every morning when my husband has to leave to go to work. My in-laws were with me but I prefer my husband to be around. During daytime, Alexis mayumi is an angel- quiet, feeds and just sleeping whole day but at night time she is fuzzy and always crying and her cry was a loud shriek. The nurses are on the dot also during feeding time, and again I have to endure the pulling and pinching of my nipple towards mayumi's mouth- sometimes I wonder if the nurses are doing it on purpose. Every time they will have to say, I still don’t have milk and yet again I will tell them colostrums is fine. But still they think I’m not feeding mayumi enough that’s why she is fuzzy at night. All these plus my disappointment of going thru cs and me half immobile for the meantime makes me feel worst, helpless and doubt my own milk - I had to remind my husband please don’t give formula milk to my baby. I hate it also when they assume something why my baby is like that and I don’t like it too whenever they asked me what’s wrong with her or what happen. She is a baby and newly born, and the only thing she can do actually is cry - that’s her way of communicating, and I can’t decipher that, yet. Crying doesn’t always mean she is hungry.

The following day after my operation I have to start walking, and it’s the most painful thing I’ve ever felt it made me cry and it actually made me want to die coz it was really an excruciating pain. We were supposed to be discharged on the 4th day but on the 3rd day, mayumi's bilirubin was 13.9 that her pedia advised us to put her under phototherapy, we extended one night stay. Sending her to NICU was upsetting. I couldn’t help myself but cry. I tried feeding her so we can put her to sleep but I still don’t have milk. The NICU staff taslima was assisting me and I hate it when she told me rudely after pressing my nipple "you don’t have milk, how are you going to feed her? What do you want me to do?" I felt more down when the attending doctor has to explained to me that mayumi's needs to sleep with full stomach and since I still don’t have milk as the colostrums is not sufficient, they will give formula milk. I was again broken hearted coz I planned to EBF my baby but I’m left w no choice - I will breastfeed her and it isn’t sufficient then they will give formula. How o wish my husband was there with me at that very moment but he has to go to work. That night, he was able to sleep properly while the nurses still have to wake me up during feeding time and wheeled me down to NICU. The next day I got milk already, and it’s enough to feed Mayumi so there are times that they don’t have to give formula to Mayumi anymore, but we still can’t go home since her bilirubin was still 12.8, her pedia advised us for her to stay another night. My breast started to get hard especially the left one coz Mayumi doesn’t like to feed from that side. At least the night shift NICU staff Motoshi was nicer than taslima. She told me to put a hot compress on my breast because if it is hard the baby will not latch. Those nights I’m in constant communication with my sis and mom, there are times I cry silently out of despair, and questioned God why He is letting this happen. 

Finally, we were discharged on April 1^st. We are just so happy to go home and take care of Alexis Mayumi in our own home and comfort. It was nice to have the nurses to help us but nothing feels better when you are finally home.

Just few of her many facial expressions

Looking back, I’m glad that we are both safe and healthy and my baby is thriving, but at the back of my mind, I still wonder, if I were in the Philippines, will the doctors there give the same call? Or would they have me induce? But again, I’m just glad that we are both safe and healthy. Financially, it was a blow in the pocket but we are happy that we are safe and we are now home.

Will blog soon about our first night at home and will continue to blog about my motherhood journey.