Wrong Impression

How on earth did I create a wrong impression about my family to H and his family? Is it because my answers were not clear or incomplete? Or, my answers are just simply answering their question assuming they are referring to the present time? Or, because H, like any other guys, have a selective memory, that even if I told him a 1 paragraph answer, he will just pick the key words and come out with his own understanding?

I’ve been browsing the net in search for a service apartment where H and his family can stay for next year’s event. I assumed that they prefer to cook their own food over eating at the restaurants or eating at our place since both future in-laws are quite picky with food. But then, computing the fee of the serviced apartment + market bill versus a budget hotel, the budget hotel is more affordable. So, we are opting to book them at the budget hotel, which means 95% probability of eating restaurant food.

So, yesterday, I asked H if aunt & uncle can live with restaurant food for at least 2 weeks since they will be staying in the hotel. And I was shocked with his answer, though I can’t remember the exact words; it’s more of like this “sure, we don’t have options since you guys don’t cook your food anyway”. I asked him, where did that answer come from? And both he and his cousin answered that it’s what I usually say whenever aunt asked me who cooks our food “no one, we don’t cook our food. We usually eat out”. Now, this question always comes out whenever I’m back from my manila vacation. And in all honesty, my answer to that question is based on actual time and present situation at home. How would I know they will presume that it’s like that all the time?

Background check: my mother and my youngest sister is living abroad, my 2nd sister is married and staying with her own family, my eldest sister is married also and lives with her family too, my father opted to stay in the province, I worked here in Bangladesh and my 4th sister lives in the apartment beside my grandparents house.

I go home for a vacation every 3 months for a week. Given that it’s a short period, it’s always book with lunch dates and dinner dates with friends and relatives. And for this reason, that’s why I don’t cook at home since no one is going to eat it anyway. I stay with my sister whenever I go home. And she also has work, unlike India and Bangladesh, tiffin box is not common to the work people, sometimes she comes home late and doesn’t like eating anymore or cooking at all, or sometimes she joins me with my dinner dates. Thus, another reason why we don’t cook. The only time we cook is for breakfast. And that’s usually my sister because she needs to go to the office early or my father if he is around. But it’s nothing special or laborious cooking; it’s just the regular breakfast fare – sinangag/fried rice or plain rice, vigan longganiza, sunny side up egg, hotdogs, oatmeal, cereals or leftover food from last night. But if my father is around, he cooks as he stays at home most of the time. So, whenever they asked me “who cooks?” my answer is “no one, my sister sometimes”. And that is the most appropriate answer to their question at that moment. So, H assuming that we don’t cook is just irritating and it just shows that he doesn’t listen to the whole story.

Now, if they will base it from my past stories, again there is another reason for that why we don’t regularly cook our food and just buy home- cooked foods. I grew up in a family of seven, where the sole breadwinner was my mother. It was not an easy childhood, there were good times and bad times, and most were bad times for my mother. My father had a bad vice of gambling and other things, whatever small amount we get from the business, it’s all for him. Sometimes, he gives us a small amount for allowances or even goes to the market to buy something to cook, and yes, my dad is a good cook. But money was always a problem then, until now, I can’t believe how my mother managed to send all 5 of us to school and universities and at the same time put food on the table. There are people who help my mom or sometimes, my mom always get a loan, a bad loan which is locally known as 5-6. As for me, my father’s brother, sponsored my university tuition fee.

WE grew up without house help, unlike here in Bangladesh where most people can afford at least one helper. My mother was a full time employee; my father was/is a househusband while all 5 of us were in school. So, no one really cooks for lunch. Sometimes, my dad cooks for lunch but not all the time. So we always end up buying home-cooked food for lunch so that we can go back to school on time. And for dinner, either my mother or my father cooks, with us helping them ala- sous chef- but I never really learn how to cook, it was my 4th sister who learned how to cook, so she was always the one in-charge in cooking while I do the dishes. There are times also, that there’s nothing to cook because we don’t have the means to buy ingredients. At least in the small eateries, we can ask them to just record the food bill and will pay them at payday. And how I love it whenever my father had some money and send us out to buy food from the restaurant instead of from the small eateries. This works with my family, it’s not all the time but most of the time. . But we were taught to give thanks and eat what’s served on the dining table and not to choose, if you don’t like the food, then don’t eat. This is my memory during my younger years in the province.

During my university years, I and my 2nd sister were staying with my grandparents. They have a cook so I just help sometimes. When my 2nd sister started working, we started to buy our own groceries and cook our own food. This was my grandmother’s part of training to us, so that we will learn how to budget the money and care for ourselves. They are our relatives, but living with other people has its own ups and downs. Based on this experience, why I never want to stay or live at somebody else’s house, relative or not. There will always be an extra effort of reaching out; it may rub the other person nicely or badly. During this time, when we started to buy and cook our own food, I’m always the one who goes to the market every Saturday morning and cooks food, this was my share - labor share – while my sister shares monetary share. This were I learn to budget the minimal money we had. And during this time, I learned to cook other food aside from the regular fare of fried tilapia, pinakbet and adobo. I learned to cook picadillo, ginisang kalabasa, tinolang manok, tagalog bistek, estofado. And thanks to the ready-mixes, I was able to cook chicken curry, kaldereta and afritada.

During my 3rd year in university, we rented our own apartment, and we started living on our own. And since then until 2007, my mother stayed with us while my father stayed in the province with my younger sisters. My mother does the cooking all the time, and sometimes I cook also but I prefer baking than cooking. And this time, we can already afford to buy ingredients, meats, fish and vegetables to cook regularly. But still, we don’t have the habit of cooking a new meal 3x a day or everyday. I adapted the cooking habit of my grandmother, and that is cooking 2- 3 foods, good for 2-3 days, so most of the time, we will just reheat the food and maybe cook one new dish as additional. Sometimes, I prepare food that I can keep in the fridge like spring rolls, meatloaf, and will just fry it when I want to eat it. And this method is very convenient for a family that doesn’t have house helpers or cooks.

Present time scenario: I live alone here, but I do cook my own food. I just don’t eat dinner most of the time because I don’t feel like eating alone. Sometimes, when I reach home, I cooked but not necessarily eat it at that moment also. I just keep it for tomorrow’s tiffin box. The same thing with my 4th sister, she cooks her breakfast, sometimes her dinner but if she’s tired after reaching home, she goes out to buy roast chicken. And most of the time, she doesn’t feel eating dinner also. That’s a normal scenario for someone living alone, and that is not LAZINESS!

So, for H to say that we don’t cook is appalling. It irritates me sometimes whenever they ask me if I know how to cook. How on earth did I survive my almost 5 years of existence here in Bangladesh if I don’t know how to cook? I can’t eat out all the time. That will be too expensive and unhealthy. I can’t ask my helper too to cook for me because I can’t take the spiciness of Bangladeshi cuisine and the way they cook is so oily, even a regular sunny side up egg will end up oily. So, I prefer to cook my own food. I’m not a master chef, most of the time I check my recipe books or try new recipes from the net, BUT I COOK and I KNOW HOWTO COOK. I even know how to clean a fish for goodness sake.

If you asked me why we are we going to eat in a restaurant and not invite them at our house for meals? 1) Our apartment is small; it will not accommodate us all. 2) I don’t want to hassle my 90 years old grandmother to cook even if she loves cooking. She’s a great cook by the way, but sad to say, she never shared her secrets in cooking. 3) H’s parents are picky eater, the only food that are delicious are the Bangladeshi foods and the ones that they cook. They don’t even want to try the dishes I cook, so why would I want to cook at their place just to show them that I can cook? I don’t want them to get disappointed with my family’s cooking and hear nasty things from them. So I rather treat them to a restaurant than hearing them say that the food we cook at home is not delicious. At least in a restaurant, there are lots of choices and if they are not happy with the food, let’s just blame it to the chef.

Dance

Been thinking what will be our couple's first dance. But I want it to be different. I don't like the regular couple's dance similar to waltz. I want it to be lively but I don't want the new trend of medley songs. If I'm going to make it medley, I want it to be a medley of Ballroom dancing or just one pure ballroom dance, maybe a tango or salsa :-) and another thing that I saw in youtube was a Bollywood inspired dance.

I want my wedding reception to be fun and lively. I hope everyone will be in the mood to dance with us and enjoy the night.

Right now, I'm loving this dance beat!



Senorita Song Lyrics

[Señorita]
Quien eres tu? (Who are you?)
Donde has estado? (where have you been?)
He removido cielo y tierra y no te encontre
(I moved heaven and earth and not find you)

Y llegas hoy (but you arrive today)
Tan de repente (So suddenly)
Y das sentido a toda mi vida con tu querer
(and give meaning to my life with your love)

[Farhan Akhtar]
Na main samjha, na main jaana
Jo bhi tumne mujhse kahaa hai Senorita
Magar phir bhi, na jaane kyun
Mujhe sunke, accha laga hai senorita

[Señorita]
No desvies la mirada (do not look away)
Quedate cerca de mi (stay close to me)

[Abhay]
Mujhko baahon mein tum ghero
Samjhi na senorita

[chorus]
Chaahat ke do pal bhi, mil paaye
Duniya mein yeh bhi kam hai kya
Do pal ko toh aao kho jaaye
Bhoole hum hota gham hai kya senorita
Suno suno senorita kehte hain hum kya

[Señorita]
Jamas podre (i will never)
Interpretar (understand)
El sentido de las palabras que me dedicas
(the meaning of the words you dedicate to me)

[Señorita]
Pero el calor (but the warmth)
De tu mirar (of your gaze)
Me hace sentir como la mas bella senorita
(Makes me like the most beautiful miss)

[Hrithik]
Nighaahon ne nighaahon se
Kahi armaano ki daastan hai senorita
Yeh chaahat ki, mohabbat ki
Saari duniya mein ek hi zubaan hai senorita

[Abhay Deol]
Mujhse ab nazar na phero, aao paas tum mere

[Hrithik - Abhay]
Mujhko baahon mein tum ghero
Samjhi na Senorita

[chorus]
Chaahat ke do pal bhi, mil paaye
Duniya mein yeh bhi kum hai kya
Do pal ko toh aao kho jaaye
Bhoole hum hota gumm hai kya senorita
Suno suno senorita kehte hain hum kya

[Farhan]
Jo bhi pal beeta
Hey senorita
Har pal tumne hai dil jeeta
Bus itni si toh baat hai

[Señorita]
No desvies la mirada (don't look away)
Quedate cerca de mi (stay close to me)

[Hrithik]
Mujhko baahon mein tum ghero
Samjhi na senorita

[chorus]
Chaahat ke do pal bhi, mil paaye
Duniya mein yeh bhi kum hai kya
Do pal ko toh aao kho jaaye
Bhoole hum hota gham hai kya
Chaahat ke do pal bhi, mil paaye
Duniya mein yeh bhi kum hai kya
Do pal ko toh aao kho jaaye
Bhoole hum hota gham hai kya

The Engagement

We’re two months engaged today but I haven’t written yet the story of the engagement and the proposal.

Like what I keep on reiterating in this blog, I’m a hopeless romantic, sucker for love stories and great proposal. I always dreamt my prince will arrange the scene for his proposal and then ask me for marriage while on his bended knees holding a solitaire ring with background music playing, maybe even a quartet playing or violist. But I didn’t get any of the above, our one was funny and unique and even ended up with a family drama.

The planning:
Planning not for the proposal but planning for our vacation. I already told him from last year that we will have to go home this February because it will be the only time that my family will be together in Manila, and I already want him to meet my family too. This is because we plan that the whole family will attend our nephew’s first birthday. I also informed my family that we’re both coming home. My father, who’s really excited or maybe not excited, to meet him, already jump into conclusion that H is going home to ask for my hand in marriage. He is so excited that he already informed some of his friends and my friends.

As for me, I just know that I asked him to come home with me so that he can meet my family already. That’s why when his mom asked me why H is coming home with me; I said the same thing “to meet my family”.

Meet the parents:
We had dinner with my family sans my eldest sister and her family because they are busy for the last minute preparations of my nephew’s 1st birthday party for the following morning. We went ahead first in the restaurant and waited for my family. When they arrived, my father was in a bad mood again. The reason: annoyance with my 4th sister. They have this love-hate father-daughter relationship, and they can both stress me up. So, we started eating dinner, my two younger sisters started chilling with H and my mom also started talking with H, even my 5 months old niece is comfortable with him. Only my father is the one who kept quiet and aloof. But as soon as my father finished eating, he started warming up with H. And well, he already stole the show and started endless talking with H. Even telling him not to open his hotel room’s door when someone knocks, to lock the door of the taxi cab as soon as he is inside and other things. The night ended without any “asking for my hand in marriage”

2nd Day:
It’s my nephew’s birthday party. All our close relatives are invited and they are all present. I introduced him to all from grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, in-laws and close family friends. Out of nowhere, my father just called me in a corner and asked me what is the real plan of H. Why did he come to Manila? Is he not going to ask for your hand in marriage? Why is he not telling anything yet? All this questions my answers were “I don’t know. Ask H if you want”. My father was disappointed I think. He was really expecting H to ask for my hand, and maybe to redeem himself because he already informed almost everyone. And I guessed they were asking him about it during the party. Even one of my aunts asked me if H already asked my parents. So again, another day ended without any engagement or proposal.

3rd Day:
It’s our tagaytay trip. It was a whole day trip. We went to picnic groove and ride the zipline. H was so scared that as soon as we reached the ground, he said “that is the first and the last and never again”. His heart was in his mouth according to him. Poor boy! When we reached home in manila, we decided to go out again for dinner with the whole family since the first dinner, we were not complete. When we were about to go out, that’s when H told me that he need to speak to my parents alone. My sisters and I went to our bedroom to give privacy to H and my parents in the living room. After few seconds, my father called me down. And there, the litany of my father began. His only request is for the wedding to be held in Manila. After that, my two younger sisters were also in the living room already, and we were all noisy. Rushing everyone to start moving so that we can go for dinner already because our eldest sister and her family are on their way. That’s when H whispered something and said “I have something to give you”. Oh My! I think my sisters screamed so loud that time because they know the story of the ring. I was also surprised; I didn’t expect to receive any ring from him. Suddenly, I was imagining a solitaire ring but then when he opened the box, it’s a gold ring. Almost similar to the one he gave me before. Of course he still asked the magic question while my sisters were taking video, but his voice was so low, it’s not audible at all in the video. The fun part is when the ring was halfway on my finger already, my father saw it and shouted: “Stop! Wait! I’ll bring out the video. Why are you not telling me ha?” Oh yeah! That’s the beginning of the bloopers.

the e- ring

After that, we went out for dinner. But then, even before we finished our dinner, my father and my sister had again another love-hate war which prompted my father to walk out. I cried out of embarrassment and disappointment because I have a guest and I just got engaged and yet this two have to fight. Thankfully, my youngest sister can drive a car now, so she drove the car home with H sitting in front with her and me and my 4th sister at the back. We were in convoy, just in case someone will stop us, because my sister doesn’t have a Philippine Driver’s License. The night didn’t end badly by the way. As soon as we entered the house, H asked my father “Is there any problem?” My father explained his side to H regarding what happened during the dinner and asked him to just excuse him for that. After that, we got a call overseas from H’s side and they talked to my parents also. Finally, the day ended with an engagement.

What transpired between my parents and H? Well, I don’t know for sure, because when I asked my parents what exactly H told them, their reply was “we didn’t hear him clearly”. My Father just heard the word “purpose” so he already assumed that H asked for my hand in marriage, that’s when he called me down to join them. As for my mom, she was totally clueless. She was sitting beside H but well, maybe H was speaking so softly and low again that my mom didn’t hear him clearly. She thought H was talking about the zipline! Really! Oh well, maybe the zipline scared him so much that he finally decided to propose that night.

he was holding my hand so tight


Yes, it’s not my dream proposal, nor my dream engagement ring, but nevertheless, I’m happy and contented with it. It’s still a story that is worth telling.

Documents

Getting married in the Philippines specifically in the church is not as easy as 1-2-3. There are list of requirements that one has to complete and submit before you can get married to the one you love.

Even before, I already know what are the required documents in getting married. It was part of our religion subject and also Philippine Constitution subject. And, I know the requirements for mixed marriages will be more. I inquired about it as soon as I got back here in Bangladesh, a few days after the proposal. I know it will be tougher because 1) i'm based overseas for almost 5 years now, and 2) I have a foreigner groom - and for this two reasons why we fall under "Chancery Case". This is also the same reasons why I need a good head start in processing the documents. And, I'm so glad I just did, because at least now, I know what are the documents required and where to get them, the validity dates, the schedules for Pre-Cana seminar and Canonical Interview, and even arranged with HR already my vacation leave.

In my previous post, I mentioned the roadblock I'm facing but God is really good. I'm now a little bit relax because He heard our prayers and now our schedules are fixed accordingly because the Chancery agreed with our request. As we intend to have our church wedding at Our Lady of Mt. Carmel in New Manila, it falls under the Diocese of Cubao. Thus, I have to submit all our requirements there. The staff is very helpful and understanding. I only communicated to them through email.

The requirements varies from case to case. We plan to get married civilly before I go back home in order to skip some process like personal appearance in the Embassy because we don't really have the liberty of time. In our case, this are the required documents:

1. Birth Certificate or population extract - from NSO (National Statistics Office) or your county recorder/City Corporation. They only accepts the one from NSO and not the one from the LOcal/Municipal Registrar.

2. photocopy of passport

3. 2 pieces of recent 2x2 ID picture

4. Baptismal & Confirmation Certificate - newly issued and original copies with "For Marriage Purposes" notation

5. Certification of Freedom to Marry - newly issued; certificate from the Parish where I am based now, certifying that I don't have any Canonical Impediment and we are free to marry. WE, bride & groom, both need to have this.

6. Certification of Search of Marriage or Certification of Singleness - any equivalent document which will prove that a public record of marriage does not exist. The groom needs to get this prior to our intended Civil wedding. Can obtain it from the Foreign Affairs Department.

7. Certification of No Marriage or CENOMAR - obtain it from NSO. This is for the bride, certifying there's no record of marriage, with a annotation "For Marriage Purpose".

8. Certificate of Marriage - newly issued from the City Registrar. Will have to register it at the Philippine Embassy, and according to them, it takes 1-2 months until I get my Registered/Authenticated copy.

9. Publication of 3 Sunday Banns - 2 to 3 months before the wedding it has to be publish in my parish in Vigan and Quezon City, because I maintain residency to both place.

10. Pre Cana or Pre-Marriage Course Certificate - will have to schedule it with the Parish here since i'm here most of the time. We already inquired about it and they just require us to submit a letter from our respective Parish that we are getting married and we need to attend a Pre-Cana Seminar.

11. Application for "Clearance to Marry"- We have to submit all the documents mentioned above to the Chancery, and we have to attend a Canonical Interview 5 days before our wedding at Mt. Carmel and submit the result also to the Chancery. After all this things, it is only then the Chancery will give us the "Clearance to Marry" that we will then submit to Mt. Carmel.

As for the Church requirements, except for the List of Principal Sponsors and part of entourage, I hope it's all just the same requirements.

The Chancery granted my request regarding the validity months of the documents. Standard validity months is 6 months old, meaning your wedding date should be within the 6 months from the issuance of the documents, but for my case, the Chancery allowed me more than that since I'm not based in manila and they also allowed us to have the Canonical interview 4 days before our wedding :-)

So, my simple advice to overseas bride like me or to mixed marriages, inquire as soon as possible to the Parish for your requirements. It varies depending on your status/case.
images are all grabbed from google

Random Thoughts in the Middle of the Night

I couldn't sleep, I don't know why. Maybe because there are lots of cobwebs in my mind again. I'm a worrier according to H, but I think I'm just a dreamer.

It's still more than a year before our wedding, I booked the church and the venue and the videographer already. I just have to worry the other big suppliers like the couturier, photographer and make-up artist. But, I feel stress because of the budget. We have to be practical and save as much because aside from the wedding expenses, we have other expenditures to think about like their accommodation, food and transportation.

Apart from this things, I'm just my usual self. I always ask questions, I questioned almost everything, and I want answers. As for H, he hates answering my questions, and if ever he answers my questions, it will just be a yes or no or I don't know. Most of the time, I'm not satisfied with his answers, and most of the time, his answers either annoys me or hurts me. He is not a romantic guy, he doesn't write loveletters, he buys me gifts but nothing surprising. He is not an ordinary guy and he isn't like the other guys, he is a man of his own. There are times that I wish there are some "sweetness" in his bones. There are times that he is sweet but it doesn't feel natural.

I don't know if every bribe-to-be feels this way along the way, but I can't help it and think "Am I doing the right thing, to marry this man? Give up whatever fun of being single has and stress myself in married life?" Am i marrying for the right reason? Is the right reason for me the real right reason of marrying? Yeah, I have lots of questions and most of them is because of his answers to my questions. Why can't he be specific? Why can't he come up with a romantic answer? Why can't he just give some time for me?

Why do you want to get married? just like that
Why do you want to marry me? because I love you - i know he loves me but I prefer a more romantic answer
Why do you love me? because you make me happy
How do i make you happy? by being a monkey.

He loves me because I make him happy, and yet I wasn't able to make him happy for the two days that he was inconsolable when he lost his mobile phone. I feel I was a failure that time, I can't understand why a person can push his loved ones away because he was so down over a lost of a material thing. The second day, I tried to console him but he ended up scolding me. I'm inconsiderate for not giving him time to grieved for his lost phone. I gave him space but two days is too long for a material thing. He asked me "what if you lost Derek (my dslr) are you not going to grieve?" and my answer was "I will cry like hell, because Derek is a childhood dream that I achieved only now. But I will not push you away, rather I want you to hug me tight and tell me that everything is going to be fine, we will just buy a new one." For me, it's a material thing and it's replaceable, but the time I spend sulking instead of spending the time with my loved ones is not replaceable.

We have lots of differences, most of the differences are the reason why I love him but there are differences that makes me wonder if this is worth it at all.

Breaktime from Wedding Preps

Overwhelmed with the wedding preps, that's why. :-)

FOUR NAMES THAT FRIENDS CALL YOU:
1. Peachy
2. Peach
3. Chy
4. Patricia

FOUR MOST IMPORTANT DATES IN YOUR LIFE
1. My Birthday
2. My Honey's birthday
3. our anniversary
4. our wedding date

FOUR THINGS YOU’VE DONE IN THE LAST 30 MINUTES:
1. Checked my email in w@wies
2. Checked my FB
3. Ate my lunch
4. worked on the lay-out

FOUR WAYS TO BE HAPPY:
1. Give and receive hugs (to and from your loved ones)
2. Enjoy life, every minute, every second - if you can, ignore your boss :-)
3. Relax once in awhile
4. Eat your favorite food or your comfort food :-)


FOUR GIFTS YOU’D LIKE TO RECEIVE
1. A vacation package
2. A new cellphone - iPhone? :-)
3. A Vera Wang wedding gown
4. Our very own flat :-)

FOUR OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Reading
2. Window shopping
3. Collecting (shot glasses, key chains, magnets) items from my travels
4. Scrapping

FOUR PLACES YOU WANT TO GO FOR A VACATION:
1. Paris
2. Rome
3. Greece
4. Maldives

FOUR FAVORITE DRINKS:
1. Iced Coffee
2. Milk tea (bangladeshi style)
3. Lassi
4. Smoothies

FOUR THINGS ALWAYS FOUND IN YOUR BAG:
1. Wallet
2. Keys
3. Cellphone
4. Kikay kit

FOUR FAVORITE COLORS:
1. Pink
2. Blue
3. violet
4. Green

TOP FOUR HANGOUTS:
1. Home
2. his home
3.
4.

TOP FOUR YOU LOVE SO MUCH:
1. H
2. Sabina
3. Tyler
4. The rest of my family

TOP FOUR “THINGS” SPECIAL TO YOU:
1. My engagement ring
2. my ext HD
3. Our family photos
4. Greeting cards I’ve received from loved ones and friends

TOP FOUR WHO YOU THINK WILL ANSWER THIS SURVEY:
1. You
2. You
3. And You!
4. Or anyone who’s bored :P

TOP FOUR REASONS WHY YOU ANSWERED THIS SURVEY:
1. Bored
2. break from wedding post
3. just for fun
4.

WEDDING GUESTS ETIQUETTE

It's Bangladesh's Independence Day! That makes it a non-working holiday here, so I'm home alone again. And still, I'm in wedding preps mode. Research, browse, daydream, drool on someone else's wedding gowns,suppliers and preparations! Oh! If only I can spend that much money for my own wedding :-)

While browsing, I chance upon this article from weddingsatwork.com . Well, Filipinos are known for "not replying to the RSVP", but I hope my carefully selected guests will find time to RSVP and to actually attend the event.


You're Invited ! Q & A for Wedding Guests by: John & Benz Rana

Q. I got an invite but have no plans of attending; should I still send a gift?
A.First thing's first. If you won't be able to attend for whatever reason, please RSVP. A big chunk of the wedding budget goes to the reception and it will be utterly inconsiderate to just give up a reserved seat without letting the couple know. Give them the chance to assign that seat to another guest in their "waitlist." Having that out of the way, let's get to your question: YES, it is customary to still send a gift.

Q. The envelope bears only my name. May I ask if I can bring a date?
A. Don't bring a date unless your invitation specifically says "and Guest." Bringing unexpected guests is very impolite. Neither should you ask the couple's permission if you may bring one or not. Don't put your friends on the spot. We Filipinos don't really like turning down people. So how would you know if their "Yes" means yes or not? Spare them that trouble.

Q. The invite says "Mr. & Mrs." Could we bring our kids?
A. Never bring the kids unless "& Family" is indicated. Soon-to-weds don't usually invite children for a good reason. Kids get bored or cranky during hour-long masses. Their tantrums might disrupt the solemnity of the ceremony. Weddings are usually formal events typically not appropriate for the little ones. To be blunt about it, inviting a child at the reception means added two mouths to feed - the kid's and the yaya's.

Follow-up Q. But my son/daughter is the bearer/flower girl. I'm sure it's understood that my other child is invited.
A. Which part of the answer above didn't you understand? Seriously, if the couple wanted to invite your other kid, they would have specified that on the envelope.

2nd follow-up Q. But I'm breastfeeding, I'm sure my friends will understand, won't they?
A. Granting that it's an infant and he or she won't eat at the reception - let's even assume that your baby won't wail at the church - the answer is still NO! Not even if you've perfected the art of being a cow in a long gown. Four words: Breast Pump and Babysitter!

Q. I don't have a clue what gift to give them. Any ideas?
A. The average Pinoy soon-to-wed would always prefer monetary gifts more than any other gift. It is the unspoken fact. We're telling you now to make it easier for them to let you know what they REALLY want; unless they indicated that already in their invites which, by the way, is a very tacky thing to do.

If you're not comfortable giving cash, you may ask the couple where they are registered (Gift / Bridal Registry) and choose from what's listed under their names in the store. You can also ask them where they're residing after the wedding and take the cue from there. If you know that they'll be migrating abroad or living with their parents for the time being, a ref or another oven toaster may not be the most practical and logical gift.

Q. I'm convinced. So how much cash should I give them? I don't want to give too little or too much.
A. That's a hard thing to answer. It's really a case-to-case thing. Try to put yourself in the couple's shoes. How much should a guest of your stature give you without being branded a cheapskate? Also consider your relationship with the couple. If you're good friends of the couple's parents, you'll probably shell-out more than if you were simply the bride's Girl Friday.

Q. Could I skip the ceremony and head straight to the reception?
A. You can. BUT you shouldn't! You are invited to THE wedding -- that's the part where they exchange their "I dos." The reception is where the Receiving Line is. You can't be 'received' if you are already seated in the hall, right? "Patay-gutom" is too harsh a word and we assure you that it's by no means what anyone would think if indeed you decide to go straight to the reception. But admit that it struck a nerve just mentioning the word in that context, isn't it?

Q. Speaking of the Receiving Line, what should be the proper greeting?
A. Here's the rule: Say "Congratulations" to the groom and "Best Wishes" to the bride. The reason behind is that "congrats" implies that someone has caught something or won a prize, and it is rather improper to imply that the bride "caught" the man who married her. If this rule gets mixed-up in your head come wedding day, just say the two phrases together and look at both of them. That usually works!

Likewise, saying "Good Luck!" no matter how pure your wishes are will also sound very inappropriate for obvious reasons.

Q. Nice try, but what if the couple makes a Grand Entrance and left the Receiving Line to their parents? What then should I tell them? Note that I don't even know which sets of parents are whose.
A. Didn't we tell you already not to skip the ceremony? The bride and groom usually walk alongside their respective parents at the very start!

Anyway, make your pleasantries short and sweet. Shake their hands and say "Hello! I'm (your name) and I went to school with (name of bride/groom) in (school's name)/an officemate of (name of bride/groom) at (name of company)." They usually respond with "Nice meeting you." Just smile, nod politely, and move on to the next person. If one replies "Hi! I've heard so much about you!", simply smile and nod just the same. No lengthy conversation; just make small talk at most. If you can't find the words to say, just smile again, nod politely, and move.

Q. During the banquet, is there anything I need to know?
A. Nowadays, the Reception Program usually have the guests on each table stand up and have their picture taken with the couple before being led to the buffet. This is done to resolve two issues of past weddings: (a) for the couple's convenience and skip the tiring Table-Hopping ritual just to have their picture taken with all their guests; and (b) for the guests' convenience so they won't have to wait very long for their turn in the buffet line.

Keep in mind that Buffet is NOT synonymous with "Eat-All-You-Can." Do not pile your plate full. Be courteous of those who have yet to be served. Don't worry. You can easily go for seconds.

Q. I'm used to a Buffet setting, but what if it's a formal Sit-Down Dinner? Which fork do I start with again?
A. You're on your own, pal. Watch "Pretty Woman" again and see how Julia Roberts nailed it!