Dreams and Dilemma

When I was younger, even until now, I always want to be a “stay-at-home-mom/wife” so that I can focus all my time and energy in taking care of my family, doing my hobbies, and at the same time managing a small business. It is a dream especially the business part, because I need a huge amount in order to invest in a business, and even after working abroad, I don’t have that huge amount to begin with.

From the very beginning, I told H about this childhood dream. He didn’t say much about it that time, maybe because that time he was not yet the marrying type. But, after a while, he told me that he wants me to continue working even if we get married, it’s not because he can’t support me but because he wants me to have my “financial independence”, and an extra income is good. I didn’t understand it that time. I was okay with the idea then that I will manage and do the budgeting of the family income. I was comfortable with that idea. Until, I lost my job unexpectedly.

The company I was working with was/ is in financial crisis due to mismanagement, due to that, the company decided to cut my contract earlier. I was devastated because my timeline was distracted due to the sudden change.  Suddenly, unexpectedly, I’m a defendant, I don't have that much "financial freedom" anymore. My expenses are controlled, I need to be a wise spender. I’m H’s legal wife already, but until now, I’m still uncomfortable with the idea of me being his defendant. I miss shopping without the feeling of guilt, I miss buying good things for myself because I have my own hard-earned money to spend , I miss buying gifts for my families, for H and his family, I miss treating my family for dinner or lunch, but don't get me wrong, I'm not living beyond my means, I just simply can afford this things. Now, with the sudden change in my financial status, I need to tighten the belt, spend wisely, avoid impulse buying, and again, I’m back to drooling over the stuff that I want to buy but I can’t because I have to save the money for something better or more important, and I don’t feel comfortable spending the money given to me. As a matter of fact, most of the monetary gifts that I usually receive, I don’t spend them at all, unless I’m in dire need of money. So, the same feeling goes to the money that I receive from H, it’s a gift so I should not spend it!

Right now, I’m using whatever savings I have for my monthly expenses. I divided it already and I have a fixed monthly allowance that will last until my wedding day. It’s the same amount as the basic salary now. With this small amount, and without fixed income, I can’t afford to splurge or spend more than that.  I’m trying to look for a job, but I think I’m facing a problem that most ex-OFW faces. It’s hard to look for a job here but it’s harder I think for ex-OFW to look for a job here since first, the employers have doubts of ex-OFW staying longer, they have doubts that you are just looking for a job for the meantime while you don’t have yet contract abroad but eventually, you will leave the job as soon as you get an offer overseas. Second, maybe they find me over-qualified because of my accomplishments and achievements and yet, under-qualified for the higher or highest position. Third, salary is too high even if you tell them it’s negotiable. Fourth, maybe they think you will start influencing other employees to go abroad too. I’m also considering applying for call-centers but I really don’t like to work in graveyard shifts since I need the rest and time to prepare for the wedding also, thus I prefer a regular working hours.

I’m already preparing myself mentally for this kind of set-up; after all, it’s my childhood dream to be a “stay-at-home mom/wife”. I was just push into it unexpectedly. H is very supportive about it already. He is always telling me that I don’t have to worry since he can take care of me and our future family. Of course, I can’t expect the same lifestyle that I was used to when I still have a job but we will not be poor also. We will live comfortably and within our means. Now, I just have to set my mind and try not to worry too much. I’m just so thankful that H has more faith in God than I do.

Ephesians 5:22-33

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For
the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his
body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also
wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself
up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water
through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without
stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same
way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his
wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they
feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are
members of his body. 31 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother
and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."[b] 32 This is a
profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each
one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must
respect her husband.

Colossians 3:19 - Husbands, love [your] wives, and be not bitter against them.

1 Peter 3:7
-7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and
treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the
gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

20 Things I want to tell to Engaged and Newlywed Women

20 Things I want to tell to Engaged and Newlywed Women

1. Marriage is made up of two good forgivers. Because every marriage is made up of two sinners. (Romans 3:23)

2. At some point, you will have to learn that life isn’t all about you. (Philippians 2:3)

3. Don’t listen to women that tell you that passion fades…it doesn’t have to! (um…all of Song of Solomon)

4. Don’t give up. Love never fails. (1 Cor. 13)

5. He wants a kind wife, not a maid or another mother. Be nice. (Galatians 5:22-23)

6. Give your husband the gift of your respect. He needs it more than you know. (Ephesians 5:33)

7. Be mindful of your expectations.

8. Honor the Lord above all things. Colossians 3: 17

9. Find your worth and security in the Lord, and don’t look to your husband to meet all of your needs.

10. Be very careful about reading romance novels, they set you up for an unrealistic view of romance.

11. Real romance is finding that one spot in the crook of his arm to snuggle into, that shared look over the dinner table when the kids are acting crazy, and the way he fixes the leaky sink when he is dog-tired after work.

12. Love is about relationship. The more I love my husband, and seek a relationship with him, the less critical and duty-bound I become. It is similar to my relationship with God.

13. Be thankful for the husband you have. Accept him as he is, not for what you want him to be.

14. Don’t compare!! Don’t buy into the game of comparing him with anyone else’s husband.

15.The Biblically “normal” marriage is filled with joy, connection, laughter, and peace. It’s not free of hurt feelings and conflict, but they know how to process their pain with one another so that they live more often in a meadow than at the scene of a train wreck. This is not the average marriage, but it normal – -because it is a visible display of Jesus’ relationship with His bride (Ephesians 5:22-33).

16. Your marriage is a testimony! “The #1 evangelistic tool in America (the world) today is a successful marriage, because it’s a living miracle!” – Dr. Joe Aldrich, former president of Multnomah Bible College.

17. Pray for your marriage. Pray hard.

18.I’ve heard that is gets better with age.

19. Where there is God, there is always hope. Even for the most broken marriages. “With God all things are possible.” (Matthew 19:26)

20.Marriage is commitment and sacrifice. But it’s also the best, most wild ride you will ever have with your best friend.

Source : http://gracefullmama.com/20-things-i-want-to-tell-engaged-and-newlywed-women/

Chittagong Trip

H’s family is originally from Paterghatta, Chittagong. Chittagong is another region or division of banglandesh. Majority of the Christians/Catholics in Bangladesh hails from Paterghatta, it's the seat of the Roman catholic diocese. The Christians/Catholics community is not that big.  Everybody knows everyone, not only about who you are but also of what you are. Familiarity is so common that most of the time, you hear them saying “the son of this who works as this and the brother/sister of who” in referring to someone or whenever introducing someone. There is always a linkage.

Auntie and I had to go to Paterghatta to get a fresh copy of H’s Baptismal Certificate. It was a short trip since we stayed there for one whole day only, but the 1^st and 3^rd day was for travelling. It’s quite memorable because it was my first time to travel via train, and my first time to travel alone with auntie.

Going to Chittagong, we bought a Cabin ticket but we shared the cabin with one family. It was not really a comfortable ride since we can’t really lie down on the couch as we shared it with the other passengers but it was a hassle free trip since there’s no jam, there were only pit-stops that last up to 10 minutes. The scenery is different from the sceneries you see when travelling by bus. And of course, the common problem when travelling is clean washrooms. I was able to use the train’s washroom, (it’s a squat toilet) before starting the trip and it was clean, but I didn’t use it anymore after that, so I’m not sure if it is still clean during the trip.

The Bungalow

We arrived around 4pm in Chittagong and we stayed with auntie’s cousin. It’s a bungalow house with a front and back yard. It’s inside a government property, a housing facility provided for government employees during their tenure of service. It’s a nice place to live, something similar to my dream house, but I will just change the lay-out of the house but still the area is huge. It is a good place for small kids to play and run around.

The following morning, we left early for the parish office because we only have the whole day to do everything, get the baptismal certificate and to roam around to visit some relatives and old places. When we were in the parish office, I find the clerk not friendly but it’s okay, at least we got the certificate. I just find him irritating and not suitable as a parish clerk.

We visited the graveyards of auntie’s parents and uncle’s parents. It’s just beside the church. Then we went to one of uncle’s aunt, his mom’s sister, and she’s the mother-in-law of auntie’s youngest sister. Yes, the community is really that small that one is related to one another by blood or by law. After that we went to see also auntie’s old family house. It’s a small two storey house. H spent his first few growing up years in that house. Auntie showed me also the tea shop where H’s used to hang out while waiting for the paratha. 

H's Grade school grounds, first room from left was his Pre-school & Kinder classroom

Then we also went to his old grade school. It was nice to see his childhood place and finally see the actual places that I usually hear only in their stories.

Going back to Dhaka, we took the 7am trip, this time it's not the cabin but the coach seat, it's like a bus. This train line is a straight trip, there's no pit-stops so it took us 5 hours to reached Dhaka. 

H promised me that we will go back there and he will tour me around himself.

My Precious

"My Precious!" 

Believe me I can say it the way Smeagol/Gollum says it in the LOTR movie :-) And whenever I say it with the hand-movements also, it freaks-out H's cousin. Of course, I do that sometimes on purpose just to scare H's cousin.

In the movie, "My Precious" refers to the One Ring. And this entry is suppose to be about "our own Precious", but until now we haven't purchase our wedding rings. I'm still in search of our precious.

Before coming home, H and I checked the Apan Jewelry in Bangladesh. But they don't have a decent looking wedding banns. Most of the rings they have are the huge gold rings, the typical rings that are usually given during Bangladeshi muslim or hindu weddings, and they don't customize since most of the jewelries are imported. So, we just took our ring sizes and decided to purchase the rings here in the Philippines. H was even surprise to know that there are jewelers here who can customize gold rings.

Based from the wedding forum, the known and reputable suppliers for wedding rings are Goldenhills, Mayfair and your very own jeweler from the province of Bulacan. There are other suppliers but maybe they have a steep price tag already that's why they are not popular in the wedding forum. Yesterday, we dropped by Edsa Shangri-la to check Sunjewel but too bad, they  are close on sundays. 

Originally, my plan was to attend the Bridal fair in MOA but we ended up in Nuvali with my sister and her family. Call it a detour :-) By the time we got back to Manila, it's already 5pm, and we took C5 instead of Magallanes, so I decided to just check "Goldenhills" showroom in Galleria. 

In the showroom, there are lots of rings to choose from, unlike in their website. They can customize also a design. The first few rings that they showed me were way beyond our budget so I just told them straightforward what's my budget. Good thing, they have rings also within my budget range, and at the moment they have 20% discount. I already inquired regarding the design that I like but too bad, the quote is beyond the budget too. So, I still have to canvass other suppliers or I may just end up buying whatever is on display.

And, because of this search, I found out that the International Ring Sizes varies from country to country. There's US/canada, German, Japanese, Swiss and British ring sizes. When we took our ring sizes in Bangladesh, I'm size 9 while H is size 19, but here in the Philippines, I'm size 5. The sales attendant in Goldenhills advised me to check the chart in the net since they don't have a chart in their showroom. That's a bummer or maybe they are just too lazy to look for the chart.

Anyway, I checked Mr. google and this is what I found out:

Looks like, Bangladesh or rather the Apan Jewelry follows the Japanese size and Philippines follows the USA/Canada size. I just hope I'm right with this one, then that means H's ring size is 9 1/2.

So for now, I'm still in search for our precious. I'm looking for simple ones, something that I can wear everyday without fear that someone will snatch it away from me. These are the pegs:

I want it with 5 diamond stones for me  if  it's within the budget.

White gold with two different finish - glossy and matte

P.S.

I already found our wedding ring supplier. She is a nice person and she was able to give me design options based on our budget. Now, in two weeks time, she will be able to deliver "Our Precious" :-)

Constant Change

“There’s a universal truth we all have to face, whether we want to or not, everything eventually ends. Endings are inevitable. We say goodbye."

When I left my previous company, I created this video as part of my farewell email to them. It's a compilation of pictures taken during my 4 1/2 years of service in the company. Mostly are pictures during showroom openings and inauguration, campaign launching and other company programs.



"There is only one thing that is constant in life...that is change"

Wedding Preps Updates: Documents

8 months and 3 weeks and 6 days to go before our wedding, and here are the additional accomplishments. I mentioned in one of my post about our Church wedding requirements, and I’m so glad that we already got new copies of all H’s documents.

"Confirmation Certificate"

The first document that we were able to get is his Confirmation certificate. It was a breeze getting a fresh copy of this one. No hassles at all even if in the record book his father’s name was wrong. We just requested the Parish Priest to copy the names written in H’s old baptismal certificate. And the priest did so without questioning us further or making a big deal out of it. If it is in Manila, for sure they will require us to get an affidavit or maybe question us rigorously. And he also wrote the note “For Marriage Purpose” when I asked him to please write it there in the bottom. Yes, I told the priest to “write” it down since the certificate was handwritten. Think about old school.

"Birth Certificate"

The second document was his birth certificate. Finally, someone is registered! Prior to that, H doesn’t know what’s a birth certificate is and he is not also aware about its existence. When he told me that he doesn’t have one, I started googling about it, as to where to get it or what’s the equivalent document, and got the information at the UNICEF blogsite. Only after my research when H was convinced that there is a Birth Registration and he can get a certificate for that. Birth registration exists here but it is not being followed and the Birth Certificate is not given any importance. It was the 2004 Births and Deaths Registration Act that made birth registration compulsory for all persons born in Bangladesh. So, finally, on my birthday he went to the city corporation to register himself.

"Baptismal Certificate"

Third, his baptismal certificate. We had to schedule a trip to Chittagong for this one since he was born and baptized in Chittagong. I went with his mom to Chittagong via train and this trip deserves a separate blog entry. We arrived in Chittagong around 3pm and we couldn’t do any work that day anymore, so we went to the parish office first thing in the following morning.  If the priests in Dhaka were helpful and friendly, this time, the clerk there was annoying. Or let’s say, I find his attitude not fitting for someone working in a religious institution. Anyway, I’m still thankful that we were able to get it after 2 hours, even if he didn’t want to type the “For Marriage Purpose” note since according to him, there’s no space for that and they don’t really do that. This time, the certificate is type-written.

"Certificate of Singleness"

Fourth, his Certificate of Singleness. This one is quite a hassle because first there was a mistake in the date, the date should be before the civil wedding date. And, it's annoying when someone will have to tell me that it is okay when it is not what I require. Then again they don’t know what title to write in the subject. It seems that the advocate was not familiar with the certificate but well, we just have to trust him as he is known to H’s cousin-in-law. They end up writing "Certificate of Singleness" as per my instruction.

"Declaration of Marriage"

And we also got our “Declaration of Marriage” certificate on the same day that we got his Certificate of Singleness. Yes, we got married civilly here in order to omit some requirements in the Philippines and that is the “clearance to marry” from his embassy in the Philippines and the Marriage License from the city hall. We will not have enough time to apply & get for that clearance & license (both require physical appearances) since he will be in manila 5 days before our wedding only. So, we decided to get married civilly so that he doesn’t have to go to the embassy and apply for the clearance and we can submit our Marriage Certificate instead of the Marriage License. Yes, I’m his legal wife here already but not yet in the Philippines since it’s not registered there yet. Well, that’s just my own joke to him. I'm eligible to apply for "Non-Resident Visa" or "NVR" already, but we decided to just get it after our church wedding since one requirement for that is to stay here for a year which is not possible right now.

"Registration of Marriage"

We already applied for our Registration of Marriage in the Philippine Embassy, and we will have to wait for another two months before I can request a copy from NSO. Even if we are legally married now, we are not staying together as husband and wife yet because for us, the civil wedding was for documentation purposes only. We want to really celebrate our married life together after our church wedding. Yeah, so near yet so far :-) Our embassy here in Dhaka does not administer marriage between Filipino and a foreigner, I'm not sure about in other countries.

"Pre-Cana Certificates"

Fifth, our pre-cana certificates. We are required to attend the class together, so we asked permission from the Chancery we can have it here since it’s impossible for us to be able to attend it together in manila. We had the Pre-cana at the Holy Spirit Major Seminary in Banani, and they required us to submit a letter of recommendation from our respective parishes. I got my one from Our Lady of Mt. Carmel Shrine since we are getting married there and he got one from the Holy Rosary Parish in Tejgaon. I will write a separate post regarding our pre-cana class.

"Certificate of No Impediment"

Sixth, finally we got a letter of “No Church Impediment”. We had to go back to Tejgaon to get this one after we got our pre-cana certificates. This letter is to inform the chancery that we don’t have any impediments here, stating that we are free to marry each other and that none of us was/were married before to anyone or other people.

I’m so happy with our progress. I will bring home all the documents with me and will submit it to the Chancery once I get new copies of my baptismal and confirmation certificates. I’m still undecided if I’m going home to Vigan to get this or just ask my friend to get it for me. While my Birth Certificate and CENOMAR (Certificate of No Marriage) from NSO was received by my sister already in manila. The only thing left are the Marriage Banns and the Canonical Interview. The Banns we will have to post by February 2013 and the interview we will have it on May 14, 2013. After that, we will get a clearance from the Chancery which we will submit to the church so that we can get married.

UPDATE: October 7, 2012

After a month of following up with my friend who is based in Vigan, finally, they found my Confirmation Certificate.
 It was not in the Parish Office but it was in my Highschool's Campus Minister's office since I received my confirmation from our school. The reason why we checked the parish office first because my mom told me she got my sister's certificate from there and we received our confirmation at the same time, so I assumed that my one is also there. Only to find out that the Parish Office decided to return the records to the origin or where the event was held. When my friend went to the campus office, they can't find my original record also, but since I'm known to them, they were able to furnish me a copy of the certificate.
So finally, with all the documents in hand, I went to the Chancery last October 4 to submit it already. Ms. Bessie is one pleasant lady, we even chatted for few minutes about my life in BD. And now, she reminded me my only pending documents - the wedding banns, NSO Marriage Certificate and the canonical interview. She explained it to me that I have to get all the docs from her again prior to our Canonical interview and then return it back to her after that, and after 3 working days, our clearance will be release and this clearance, we have to submit it to Mt. Carmel so that they will allow us to get married :-) I'm so happy with my accomplishments. Now, if only I can proceed with my plans of DIY projects like the kissing bells-cum-escort card, table number lay-out, AVP, cord, and other small things. I hope mr. sun will keep on shining so that I can go to the wholesaler heaven called Divisoria and also to check Wellmason again in Quaipo for the beads and accessories for the cord. 

EyeBall

Eyeball or EB in short is a coined term for meet-ups of cyber friends or friends you met online through a common group or activity.

During my university days which was around 1997 - 2001, EB was the "in thing" but I never went to any EB. I'm not that active in the cyberspace before, but I often hear my bacthmates talking about "EB" that's why I know that it was the trend. I just started university then, I was a provincial lass (but not that naive of course since it's not my first time in the city) who got her first email address through the default student email address. That was the time I learned how to chat in MiRC and eventually discovered YM and Yahoo! Email. But I was never into blogging, I'm an old school, I prefer writing a diary the traditional way with lovely notebook and colorful pens. I wrote a lot, but now, those diaries are gone. After all, it's all about my past love. I started blogging years after my university days, quite late, maybe year 2003 or 2004. But it was a bitter blog that was full of negativity, I deleted it already ever since all the bitterness and negativeness was washed out by a new found love full of positiveness.

My first EB happened this year, here in Bangladesh. I just got engaged then and so I joined a wedding forum, the Weddings At Work or W@W. It isn't my first time in joining this wedding forum but I was not an active member then, unlike now, I'm active and I'm even friends with the other brides-to-be and the founder of the group too. So, my first EB was with a fellow w@wie. It was a short period of time since she was in a seminar, so we squished in our "meet up" during the lunch break. It was good that the venue of their seminar was near my office.

with Krystle at the Spectra Centre

Krystle is so sweet and soft-spoken but strong. She gave me a copy of the "W@W Primer". The booklet is really helpful to all who are planning to get married. It isn't a bible that you have to follow but it's a good read with all the tips and advices. I think, through Krystle, the w@w founder got to know about me. I still get starstruck with the founder :-)

Since I'm active in the group, it's just obvious that I attended another EB with them, and this time a lunch date organized in Manila.

It was also a mini birthday celebration of the w@w founder. And I was really starstruck that time because she approached me and asked about bangladesh and slightly about my lovelife. It was a fun experience meeting finally in person the other w@wies. I can say a lot of good things about this wedding forum and I think it deserves a separate entry.

My recent EB happened again here in Bangladesh. This time with a fellow blogger, who is also a Filipina and married to a Bangladeshi. Yes, two similarities that bonds us. I can't exactly recall how did we chance upon each other's blogs. I think it's through another photography group Litratong Pinoy. Too bad that group blog is already dissolved.

Mary and Maria

She and her husband came home for a vacation. She informed me about their vacation and we made sure that we will meet each other here in BD together with our significant others. I'm just so glad that they were able to squished us in their busy schedule. We met at Arong Gulshan 1 branch since that's the most convenient place for us to meet, I can do my shopping and at the same time, there is a cafe inside the store. They are both jolly persons and even H enjoyed their company. Even if it was our first time to meet each other personally and given the short period of time (I think an hour or so of chatting)it felt like I just met a long-lost friend. I'm glad that the meet-up went well. I had actually fears that we will not gel with each other coz I usually have this impression that other bloggers are snobbish :-)And, they gave us an advance wedding gift, a "scrapbook" :-) Now, I can compile all my printed Digiscrap :-)

I'm so glad meeting my cyber friends in person. I hope I will meet other foreigner bloggers base here in BD too, and maybe who knows, we will end up as good friends :-)