First Entry for 2017

Motherhood is 24/7 career. Updating a blog is too tasking now.

In summary, our daughter, our first born is now three years old. We have a headstrong threenager now :-)

our special announcement

Our family is growing! Please keep us in your prayers :-) Mayumi prefers to be called Manang Mayumi.

My one and only sister-in-law, my daughter's godmother is here for vacation too to celebrate mayumi's birthday with us. We opted to go out of town for a much needed family outing together with some family friends over a few hours of party.

with mayumi's godma and godpa

daddy was at work

the struggle is real in taking decent picture with a toddler and oldies

at the Chuti resort

Terrific Two

Finally after a year, I'm posting here the AVP that I made for my daughter's first birthday party last year.




We celebrated her 2nd birthday yesterday.

We didn't plan for a big party this time as we want it to be a family affair - me, my husband, my daughter and inlaws.  Anyway, we can always invite her friends over for a playdate. Also, we decided to share her blessings to the children of Mattri Chaiya school.

Imitating Minnie's pose

A simple celebration started with decorating the house with a 54" minnie mouse balloon - her reaction was priceless when she woke up to see the balloons. 

Pure innocence and happiness in a child's eyes

I dress her up and off we went to the church to attend the mass, went home after that for home cooked lunch, a bubble bath after getting messy, and then more playtime with daddy and her uncle daddy. 

My dancing diva

In the evening, we cut her birthday cake and she hunted for the easter eggs. After finding all the eggs, she opened her gifts and enjoyed playing her playdoh.

our best family picture for the day

happy with the sparklers

Easter egg hunting

A very simple celebration with lots of love and memories. At the end of the day, when I was carrying her, I asked her if she enjoyed her birthday, she replied sweetly and with much enthusiasm  "YEAH!" ... that alone made me so happy too. 

May she always enjoy and find fulfillment and happiness in simple things and aspire for greater things.

One Year

And just like that, it’s been a year. A wonderful and eventful year!

How time flies so fast, it feels like it was only yesterday when I carried you in my arms for the first time. A delicate tiny baby that fits perfectly in my arms and in that very moment you took my breath away. It seems only last night when I heard your first cry that sounds like “lahhh – lahhh-lahh”, such powerful cry that made your daddy dance and always on his toes. And as a first time mom, I don’t know what exactly to do to comfort you.  And as I was still weak from the CS, I couldn’t carry you and sway you to sleep for long. No one told me I should have nurse you for as long as you want or cuddle you to keep you warmth  but instead the doctor told me to nurse you every two hours, we didn’t know that you want my warmth that’s why you were crying.

We’ve been through a lot – those first few nights when I was struggling between nursing you, changing your soiled cloth nappies and catching up the badly needed sleep – too exhausting, but every time you are sleeping peacefully on my chest and I can stare at you, all those exhaustion fades away. You are still the best gift I have received.  

You have grown into a beautiful baby, sweet girl and adorable toddler. I just couldn’t get enough of you. 

No words can exactly explain my feelings. It’s all clouded in my head. 

My daughter, thank you for teaching me how to love unconditionally and for showing that I can love more than I can love myself.  I wish you to grow according to God’s plan, I want you to have your own personality and individuality. I will always here for you, to guide you and to protect you. I love you to the moon and back and for eternity.

A Random Update

Motherhood and work still eating up my time.
Just a random update for positive vibes.

Our 10 month old buri

Yesterday, our daughter completed 10 months.
Our little buri is not a fan of camera or video.
She doesn't have teeth yet but she bites, pinches and pulls my nips!
She loves kissy-kissy around her neck
She loves it when I sing "insy winsy spider", "tong tong pakitong kitong" , sampung mga daliri, and banana song of the minions
She loves munching on roti, muri and eating her khichuri and steamed veggies.
She wakes up in the morning just to watch her daddy prepare for work.
She is a happy baby who loves crawling, standing up, dancing to the tune of her walker and "shake your booty"
She is 10kgs and still on breastmilk (yahoo!!) one year mark goal is within my reach :-)
Last saturday, January 24, my daughter showed us that she can stand up without holding on to anything!

Oh my baby loves, you are growing up so fast. I have to start planning for your birthday party.

Random Thoughts (again)

 

image grabbed from google

Where did the time go?

It's been awhile since my last entry. Motherhood took over my life but I don't have regrets. I'm enjoying every moment of it, sure I get exhausted sometimes but it's all worth it, especially when you see those adorable eyes and sweet mischievous smiles of your little one - priceless!

Will try to update as soon as possible and I think I can do it more often now because I got my new laptop "BUDZ" - my work buddy! For two months, I will be a "work-at-home-mom" while a part-time consultant and a full-time mom also. Big job?! Oh yeah, and praying that I will pull it through - it's just a matter of "time-management" and a lot of sacrifice but my mommy time will not suffer - I have to make sure of that! I know my H will be there to support me too.

I was a “stay-at-home-mom” and now a part time working mom and at the same time a “work at home mom”. Simply put. I’m a “career woman”, being a mother my biggest and first career now.

I really never thought that I will be this busy, that I barely get enough time to do the things I plan to do. I’m grateful for all these blessings coming our way, and praying that it will continue. I have a mini notebook where I jot down my thoughts, even that is not updated but it’s more of a letter to my daughter, hoping that someday she will have interest in reading it.

For now, I will share it in bullet list the things I want to do and blog about:

•  Monthly photobook – I bought the vouchers and are about to expire this coming February 2015 and yet I haven’t started anything. I hope I can squish it in between.
• Our breastfeeding journey: proud to say that we are successful in exclusively breastfeeding for 6 months, and now complementing it with solids the BLW way, but not strictly BLW so it’s more of my own way/my style.
• My daughter’s milestones: she loves pulling herself up now and balances herself standing and then will fall down – “binabagsak ang sarili”! Oh my! I see myself in her.
• My work as a freelance designer.
• Random thoughts of my life as a mom, a wife, a daughter-in-law, and a foreigner. Yes, I’m still a foreigner here but not so-foreigner anymore.
• Plan my daughter’s first birthday party! Yes, in 4 months time, my daughter will be one year old. Time really flies when you are enjoying it, so seize the day. Enjoy every seconds. I will never get tired of carrying her even if my arms are aching already, I will never get tired of nursing her even if I want to do something else, and I will never get tired of playing with her even if I’m sleepy. I will do all of it whole-heartedly because there will be a time when she doesn’t want to be carried anymore but want to keep on running, time when she will stop nursing because she prefers eating, and time when she prefers to play alone rather than to play with me.  So for now, I will enjoy my precious time with my princess.

My Birthing Story

April 10... Today was supposed to be my due date, but my little one decided to come two weeks earlier instead at 38weeks on March 27 at 11am thru cs in Apollo Hospital Dhaka Bangladesh, weighting 6.6lbs and height of 19.7inches, whom we named Alexis Mayumi.

I did mention before that I prefer vaginal delivery, but sometimes things don’t happen the way you want it. I ended up having a c-section, but no matter what way I gave birth, the best part is still the end result - a beautiful baby.

My daughter with my OBgyne Dr. Gulshan Ara

My birthing story started at early morning around 3am when I’m half asleep half awake of almost peeing in the bed twice, and both I was able to stop and made me realize it isn’t the waterbag breaking. The third time I went to the bathroom to make a pee but when I get back to bed, the spot where I was sitting on was wet, I transferred to another spot and that too got wet. That when I decided to get up and go to the bathroom again and notice there's a drip but not a gush. I vibered my mom and sis and they told me to go to the er just to be sure, that’s when I started packing my hospital bag. That’s around 530am already and my husband woke up also and asked what I’m doing, that’s when the big gush came. We left for the hospital at 630am and reach there around 7am. No labor pain, no contractions yet. Baby's heartbeat was fine but no, I didn’t feel her move since my waterbag broke, and my BP shoot up to 140/110. The on-duty OB checked on me and monitored the baby's heartbeat and by the time my OB arrived & checked on me it was around 9am, my BP is still high and still no labor pain, no contraction - that’s when she recommended that I should go for cs coz she doesn’t want to take risk by inducing me, there's a chance that it will put my baby and myself in danger if she will induce me while my BP is high and it's actually steady at high - in my medical report after discharge, the diagnosis was pre-eclampsia and oligohydramnios.

Our first family picture right after the operation.

I was upset, disappointed. I really don’t want to have a cs but I don’t want to put my baby at risk also and at that time I don’t have other options and no chance to get second opinion anymore. We agreed for cs and were scheduled for 10am. Once inside the or, I felt the tense and Fear that I was trying to ignore the whole time. This is my first major surgery. Lots of things are running in my mind, I’m trying my best to calm myself but all I can think of is what if they will make a mistake in injecting the spinal anesthesia, I will be paralyze. The anesthesiologist was so nice he keeps talking to me, asking about Philippines and telling me you relax. But I don’t know if I was able to relax at all the entire operation, the worrier in me made me think lots of negative things, one was I’m going to die. I delivered the baby at 11am, one tiny pink baby. They didn’t place her on my chest; they did show her to me for a few seconds before they take her away. The whole time that they were stitching me up, I was asking for my baby, they told me she is with my husband already. As soon as they wheeled me to the recovery room, I saw my in-laws and my baby waiting for me. 

The nurses told me to rest and to sleep, while the whole time they were monitoring my BP, gave me medicine to lower it and stabilize it. From 11am till 6pm I was at the recovery room because my BP was not going down. They can’t offer me water and I was so thirsty I feel my throat was so dry. They did try to latch my baby on me, and I hate the pain of someone pinching and pulling my nipple towards my baby's mouth. I can see just a tiny droplet of colostrums, so small amount but I know that is sufficient for my baby. It's a good thing my baby knows how to suck and learned how to latch quickly. The first time I saw my husband carrying a baby is a sight to behold, despite the drowsiness and grogginess, I felt happy to see my husband carrying our baby and the way he looks at her is something. 

By 6pm we were transferred to our own room. The nurses were so helpful especially at night because that's when our baby starts to cry nonstop, she doesn’t like to stay in the bassinet, cries out loud whenever her diaper is wet or dirty, and because I can’t stand yet, my husband was the sole babysitter for the night. It's so nice that the nurses help him in soothing our baby. I felt so helpless and useless coz I’m not sure if baby is getting enough from me. I still don’t have milk and it frustrates me more whenever someone is asking me if I got milk or did I feed her enough. I’m a first time mom and I don’t know the answers to these questions, I just know the colostrums are enough for the baby and the doctor said it too. I feel sorry for my husband who has to endure sleepless nights alone when he has work the following morning. I dreaded every morning when my husband has to leave to go to work. My in-laws were with me but I prefer my husband to be around. During daytime, Alexis mayumi is an angel- quiet, feeds and just sleeping whole day but at night time she is fuzzy and always crying and her cry was a loud shriek. The nurses are on the dot also during feeding time, and again I have to endure the pulling and pinching of my nipple towards mayumi's mouth- sometimes I wonder if the nurses are doing it on purpose. Every time they will have to say, I still don’t have milk and yet again I will tell them colostrums is fine. But still they think I’m not feeding mayumi enough that’s why she is fuzzy at night. All these plus my disappointment of going thru cs and me half immobile for the meantime makes me feel worst, helpless and doubt my own milk - I had to remind my husband please don’t give formula milk to my baby. I hate it also when they assume something why my baby is like that and I don’t like it too whenever they asked me what’s wrong with her or what happen. She is a baby and newly born, and the only thing she can do actually is cry - that’s her way of communicating, and I can’t decipher that, yet. Crying doesn’t always mean she is hungry.

The following day after my operation I have to start walking, and it’s the most painful thing I’ve ever felt it made me cry and it actually made me want to die coz it was really an excruciating pain. We were supposed to be discharged on the 4th day but on the 3rd day, mayumi's bilirubin was 13.9 that her pedia advised us to put her under phototherapy, we extended one night stay. Sending her to NICU was upsetting. I couldn’t help myself but cry. I tried feeding her so we can put her to sleep but I still don’t have milk. The NICU staff taslima was assisting me and I hate it when she told me rudely after pressing my nipple "you don’t have milk, how are you going to feed her? What do you want me to do?" I felt more down when the attending doctor has to explained to me that mayumi's needs to sleep with full stomach and since I still don’t have milk as the colostrums is not sufficient, they will give formula milk. I was again broken hearted coz I planned to EBF my baby but I’m left w no choice - I will breastfeed her and it isn’t sufficient then they will give formula. How o wish my husband was there with me at that very moment but he has to go to work. That night, he was able to sleep properly while the nurses still have to wake me up during feeding time and wheeled me down to NICU. The next day I got milk already, and it’s enough to feed Mayumi so there are times that they don’t have to give formula to Mayumi anymore, but we still can’t go home since her bilirubin was still 12.8, her pedia advised us for her to stay another night. My breast started to get hard especially the left one coz Mayumi doesn’t like to feed from that side. At least the night shift NICU staff Motoshi was nicer than taslima. She told me to put a hot compress on my breast because if it is hard the baby will not latch. Those nights I’m in constant communication with my sis and mom, there are times I cry silently out of despair, and questioned God why He is letting this happen. 

Finally, we were discharged on April 1^st. We are just so happy to go home and take care of Alexis Mayumi in our own home and comfort. It was nice to have the nurses to help us but nothing feels better when you are finally home.

Just few of her many facial expressions

Looking back, I’m glad that we are both safe and healthy and my baby is thriving, but at the back of my mind, I still wonder, if I were in the Philippines, will the doctors there give the same call? Or would they have me induce? But again, I’m just glad that we are both safe and healthy. Financially, it was a blow in the pocket but we are happy that we are safe and we are now home.

Will blog soon about our first night at home and will continue to blog about my motherhood journey.

Pregnant Chronicles #3: My Pregnancy Guide

A well-informed first-time-mom or FTM makes one's pregnancy journey easier, not exactly "easy, hassle-free, worry-free" but a bit easier than in total darkness of the unknown and new experience. Expecting women have a lot of questions especially the FTM, everything is new and unknown.

Information are now so accessible - there are lots of books, e-books and, aside from tips and advices from families and friends, in the cyber world there are groups where you can share experiences, ask questions and compare notes with.

Gone are the days where your only sources of information are the "old wife tales" or from your reliable OB. There are blog articles and medical websites where you can read all the facts, & myth-buster regarding pregnancy and motherhood - they are all readily available in just one click to Mr. Google.

It's a good thing that I'm pregnant at the same time with my sister. Firsthand knowledge is good and more convincing. I can always viber her and asked question regarding pregnancy symptoms, woes and others. And because my 2 elder sisters were pregnant with their 1st born 2-3 years ago, my own mother started reading books regarding pregnancy, after all, you do need to update some knowledge - and sometimes send some screenshot or image of a certain page in the book. I'm also glad that there are lots of support group online and some of the members are my "new friends" from WaW, and I get to share some notes with them.

Aside from my sister, mom and waw friends, I swear by this book "What to Expect When you’re Expecting" by Heidi Murkoff & Sharon Mazel.

I downloaded the e-book version and just read it on my mobile phone for convenience. It is very comprehensive and informative. It's like my OB is just beside me all the time ready to answer my questions, and clear my doubts. Reading this book make me knowledgeable about what's happening inside my body and my baby, and what about to happen and expect. I actually got more answers from this book than from my own OB - who seem to be distant. I just sometimes asked my OB just to cross-check if what I read is accurate or not, and to check also if my OB is knowledgeable too. It is an easy read too because it's written by "monthly development". It started from planning to conceive and continues with the monthly development. I even shared this e-book with my other expecting friends. I also share whatever I read with my husband so that he will not get worried like me.

Antenatal Class

Since we are first-time parents, we decided to attend an antenatal class. I was actually hoping that they will informed us more about the labor or different birthing method, but they discussed none of these two. Most of the things discussed are things that I’m aware of already because of my advance reading, still it was helpful for my husband because at least he got informed about it. The class is informative, it just so happened that I read most of the things they tackled in class.

New things I learned from the class are:

• ·         The hospital protocol: they will wait only two days after the EDD, and they will induce you to labor.
• ·         The different stages of labor and different labor position
• ·         The different anesthesia and their pros and cons: general and spinal.
• ·         If there is less baby movement even if there is a heartbeat, you should inform your practitioner – it’s similar to someone in a coma: there is a heartbeat but no reaction.
• ·         After 36^th week, your feet will get swollen.
• ·         I’m not sure about it, but they did say that from 36^th week you can give birth, I thought it’s from 37^th onwards.

We toured also the maternity ward.

Aside from these two, and the online forums and groups where I get to read some answers to similar experiences and questions, I did asked friends who are based here in Dhaka too regarding their own experiences. It’s good to be really aware and be informed with the situation & scenarios here. I was advised to be vigilant around 36^th weeks because usually that’s the time when some OB will tell you about “complications” that will make you decide to go for CS. So, my husband and I decided that if ever we cross this bridge, we will go for a second opinion. So far, everything is fine with my pregnancy, I’m already in my 35^th weeks and my OB told me to get enough rest and sleep as my amniotic fluid is around 10.5 – normal is from 10 to 15, so my one is bordering again, so I need to increase it to avoid early child birth. I asked other OB’s and goggled it too regarding low AFI. What I understand is that low AFI doesn’t mean the baby is at risk, a normal AFI is from 5cm -25cm. Before recommending induce labor, non-stress test (NST), fetal monitoring and/or biophysical profile should be done first to check if baby is fine or under distress. If baby is under distress then we should go ahead with the early delivery. Now, this one I will have to ask my OB next visit, I don’t want to be force into labor just because the OB wants to, even without reasonable reasons or without monitoring first.

And, it was a plus factor also that I have 2 friends who had a normal delivery here, even if they gave birth at Square Hospital and not in Apollo (where we are planning to give birth), that’s a glimpse of hope that a normal delivery is possible here.

I started reading also “the Happiest Baby on the block by Harvey Karp” and   “newborn Care” in the website of “Baby Center” and taking notes also from the online forums, especially regarding “breastfeeding’. We plan to exclusively breastfeed our baby up to six months, and continue giving breast milk until our baby will wean on her own. No to baby formulas and follow-up formulas. I hope we can stick to this decision.